Dear AuPair Moms –– I’d like your thoughts about managing privacy, especially with a host mom who’s a bit, shall we say, inquisitive.
As an au pair, I have my own room in my host family’s house. Both my HM and HF are very private people, which I appreciate, since I am the same. When I met them I was like “wow, lovely, this is going to work”. HM is actually more into privacy than HF. She’s a privacy freak, I’d say.
Privacy was one of the first things we all discussed with each other. The first few days with this family were like heaven to me because I’m not used to so much privacy. At home, I have no privacy at all. I can’t even have my door closed at home. I’m writing this so you know even though I’m a private person I’m not “spoiled” with privacy.
But my sense of having privacy didn’t last for long.
Since the first day here it was all like… “Don’t go into our bedroom. It’s private.” “Don’t go into our bathroom. It’s private.” I definitely understand that. And I was fine with that. It was the other way too. “We won’t go into your bedroom. It’s private.” “Children, don’t go into her room. It’s private.” Et cetera.
However, the privacy expectations slowly became unfair.
First, the in the kitchen. My HM told me not to be around at the time of her dinner with her husband. That it’s private.
She said that I “always seem to be around” —
Here is the unfair thing. I have my “gap” between six (since the children usually eat until then) and seven o’clock. During this time I’d might like to have my dinner / tea, but I have to predict where they are going to be. The parents tend to hang out in the kitchen, often till 11 o’clock and I cannot tell if they are going to go to the living room ever.
There’s always somebody around when I’m eating.
Just because I don’t have a husband there or something like that I don’t need a privacy like they both do? I just don’t understand.
The second thing is with the bedrooms. That’s actually the reason I’m writing here. Recently she has started “visiting” my room very often. She always says it was “emergency”. For me, emergency is fire, something with the heating, something with the windows, dead person in my wardrobe or something like that. You know what I mean.But I don’t think emergency is taking the diffuser because its smell is too strong. Or coming in to take the blanket of my wardrobe (yes, Mrs. Privacy felt free to fish for some blanket in my wardrobe).
On the other hand, she’s all privacy here privacy there don’t go in my bedroom. I haven’t even seen her bedroom and I’ve been here for almost a year. I can’t even put a stupid basket with done laundry (you’re welcome) in her bedroom. Yet she can just wander in my bedroom, without asking me, when I’m not there, without even telling me about that later. (I had to ask her if somebody was in my room because the diffuser disappeared and my wardrobe is all messy). I don’t think this is fair. She didn’t even say sorry or anything. She said it was emergency.
I consider HM as a passive aggressive person by the way.
But what was the last thing that has actually made me to write this request is what she’s told me in a past few days. Because I didn’t mind so so so so much that she went in my room. Though it seemed and still seems unfair to me. BUT. I didn’t used to have a laptop. I recently bought one. Until that I was using hers. I haven’t told her I bought my own. Simply because there wasn’t any occasion to tell her. I’ve had it for about a week when she went in my room as I’ve already described.
I’ve told myself to calm myself down that she had just went in my room, got the things and then went out. But it looks to me like she was, sorry about that, but sniffing around. Because the other day she told me to look for something on the Internet and she was like… “Oh, you have a laptop in your room. Look it up on the Internet.”The laptop was on my armchair on the other side of the room from the wardrobe where she looked for the blanket. And if you’d heard the way she said it. It was just so mean.
hen, we were out of wipes for the children and she told me “Oh, you have one package in your room, bring it.” I was like… What? I mean. Yes. I have them in my room. But I have them BEHIND my bin. There is no way you can just happen to see them.
And to be honest another reason I don’t like her to “sniff” in my room is I have some books in my room about psychology, disorders, disabilities and things like that because I’m going to study psychology seen and I don’t want her to “sniff” around those and I don’t want her to thing I’m mentally ill (books about eating disorders, OCD, etc.). Maybe she’s already “sniffed” around them and she thinks I’m ill or something.
HD is not like her at all. I actually think he has done some serious talking with her after I had asked her if somebody was in my room. Is it just me? What is you opinion on this? Thank you for your time.”