There’s a reason we have doors on our bedrooms, and it’s not to keep out the light or the noise when we’re trying to fall asleep– it’s to give us some privacy where we can completely relax, knowing that no one will see whatever it is we are doing.
Sometimes I’ve felt like there is a little electric fence right at the threshold of my bedroom door– and our au pair’s door- that keeps us from intruding into each other’s most private space. I need my privacy, I really do.
While it’s one thing to go into someone’s bedroom when she’s out and has left the air conditioner on high, it’s completely another thing to open the door and walk on in when she’s on the phone, getting dressed, or even still in bed.
When this ExposedAuPair sent the email, below, my heart went out to her. This is a situation that shouldn’t have happened, but it did. Now, although it was not her fault, her privacy has been violated. And, her host family’s attitude towards her has changed.
Your advice would be much appreciated.
I want to thank you for your site. I know that this is a site directed to host moms, but it’s also useful for many aupairs. I decided to write you, because I had a problem, and I’d like to know what other moms could think about it, and if I have to lose hop for being chosen for anyone else.
I came to USA with a family who, since beginning of match process, knew that I have boyfriend. And, it seems to have helped for their choice, because I assured them I wouldn’t come to USA for looking for my Mr. Right, or spending my time dating with boys. I told them I’m a mature person, I’m 25 and I have a relationship since four years ago, and when I come back to Mexico, I’ll get marry. So, they liked it, and they chose me.
I’ve been a serious person, and I’ve spent my time by caring the babies, cooking, cleaning, and in my free time, knowing the place, improving my English and knowing other aupairs. I’m here since September and it has been a very great experience.
Everything went well since then. I loved the kids, and the family trusted me soon. But last Thursday happen something very bad.
I have my own room with WiFi and laptop, and every night I talk with my family and boyfriend by msn. On last Thursday, I was offduty and the family had gone to the grandparents’ house, so, I talked with my boyfriend and (it’s very embarrassing for me) I get undressed in front the web cam so he could see me. I know that it’s not a good public behavior, but I was alone –or at least, that’s what I thought-. I love my boyfriend, and we have to look for ways for being communicated.
Well… I was topless when my hostdad and one of the kids came on in my room. I didn’t know when they arrived. Hostdaddy was very upset and got out from my room very angry. Then, he spoke with HM, and she was very disappointed.
Next day he told me that he wants a rematch, because he thinks that I’m not able for taking care of his children, and told me that he didn’t know ‘what kind of things’ I’m teaching to his children. Hostmom told me that she doesn’t agree, but she needs to obey her husband. He said that I’m not a serious person, and he can’t trust me anymore.
I’m very sad because I think that I’m not guilty for not having a door with padlock. I have a friend aupair, who does the same thing with his boyfriend, and when someone knocks the door, she puts her clothes on. I’m very worry, because for coming here and paying the program, I borrowed money from friends and bank, and currently, I have not paid to them at all. And, I’m concerned about if other family could want me like her aupair if they talk with my current one. I don’t know what other families could think about me.
I know that I sounds horrible but I’m a good person. I miss my boyfriend, and I just made a mistake.
- I know that the relation with my current hostfamily is lost, but could you give me some advice?
- If you were in the place of my hostfamily, could you put your aupair in rematch too?
- Does the families hope their aupairs doesn’t have sexual life?
- Do you think that’s a behavior that an aupair shouldn’t have?
- Do you think other family could match me again, by knowing this?
- What should I say about the reason of my rematch, during the interview with a possible hostfamily?
- Or shouldn’t I try? Do you think I ought better return to my home?
Thank you a lot. I’ll be waiting for an answer.