When an Invasion of Privacy Threatens an Au Pair Relationship

by cv harquail on December 9, 2010

There’s a reason we have doors on our bedrooms, and it’s not to keep out the light or the noise when we’re trying to fall asleep– it’s to give us some privacy where we can completely relax, knowing that no one will see whatever it is we are doing.

Sometimes I’ve felt like there is a little electric fence right at the threshold of my bedroom door– and our au pair’s door- that keeps us from intruding into each other’s most private space. I need my privacy, I really do.

201012090924.jpgWhile it’s one thing to go into someone’s bedroom when she’s out and has left the air conditioner on high, it’s completely another thing to open the door and walk on in when she’s on the phone, getting dressed, or even still in bed.

When this ExposedAuPair sent the email, below, my heart went out to her. This is a situation that shouldn’t have happened, but it did. Now, although it was not her fault, her privacy has been violated. And, her host family’s attitude towards her has changed.

Your advice would be much appreciated.

Dear AuPairMom:

I want to thank you for your site. I know that this is a site directed to host moms, but it’s also useful for many aupairs. I decided to write you, because I had a problem, and I’d like to know what other moms could think about it, and if I have to lose hop for being chosen for anyone else.

I came to USA with a family who, since beginning of match process, knew that I have boyfriend. And, it seems to have helped for their choice, because I assured them I wouldn’t come to USA for looking for my Mr. Right, or spending my time dating with boys. I told them I’m a mature person, I’m 25 and I have a relationship since four years ago, and when I come back to Mexico, I’ll get marry. So, they liked it, and they chose me.

I’ve been a serious person, and I’ve spent my time by caring the babies, cooking, cleaning, and in my free time, knowing the place, improving my English and knowing other aupairs. I’m here since September and it has been a very great experience.

Everything went well since then. I loved the kids, and the family trusted me soon. But last Thursday happen something very bad.
I have my own room with WiFi and laptop, and every night I talk with my family and boyfriend by msn. On last Thursday, I was offduty and the family had gone to the grandparents’ house, so, I talked with my boyfriend and (it’s very embarrassing for me) I get undressed in front the web cam so he could see me. I know that it’s not a good public behavior, but I was alone –or at least, that’s what I thought-. I love my boyfriend, and we have to look for ways for being communicated.

Well… I was topless when my hostdad and one of the kids came on in my room. I didn’t know when they arrived. Hostdaddy was very upset and got out from my room very angry. Then, he spoke with HM, and she was very disappointed.
Next day he told me that he wants a rematch, because he thinks that I’m not able for taking care of his children, and told me that he didn’t know ‘what kind of things’ I’m teaching to his children. Hostmom told me that she doesn’t agree, but she needs to obey her husband. He said that I’m not a serious person, and he can’t trust me anymore.

201012090923.jpgI’m very sad because I think that I’m not guilty for not having a door with padlock. I have a friend aupair, who does the same thing with his boyfriend, and when someone knocks the door, she puts her clothes on. I’m very worry, because for coming here and paying the program, I borrowed money from friends and bank, and currently, I have not paid to them at all. And, I’m concerned about if other family could want me like her aupair if they talk with my current one. I don’t know what other families could think about me.

I know that I sounds horrible but I’m a good person. I miss my boyfriend, and I just made a mistake.

  • I know that the relation with my current hostfamily is lost, but could you give me some advice?
  • If you were in the place of my hostfamily, could you put your aupair in rematch too?
  • Does the families hope their aupairs doesn’t have sexual life?
  • Do you think that’s a behavior that an aupair shouldn’t have?
  • Do you think other family could match me again, by knowing this?
  • What should I say about the reason of my rematch, during the interview with a possible hostfamily?
  • Or shouldn’t I try? Do you think I ought better return to my home?

Thank you a lot. I’ll be waiting for an answer.

365.246 The closed door
from Remy Sharp
106/365 – “Has own place” from Helga Weber


PA AP mom December 9, 2010 at 10:59 am

If you were walking around topless in front of their kids, that would be one thing, but you didn’t even think they were home and you were in your own room with the door closed.

I think host dad was embarassed and he is overreacting.

I think you should be honest with your LCC in the exit interview and ask her help in finding another family.

Good luck!!!

Au Pair in CO December 9, 2010 at 12:32 pm

As an au pair, I would be very upset with my host parents if they came into my bedroom without knocking. It’s one thing for kids to not understand how we need our privacy, but for the host dad to just walk in to your room, that’s just rude. If they are very conservative, I can see how they want to rematch, but I still think they’re overreacting. You’re 25 years old, you were only doing it for your boyfriend (it’s not like it was some random guy you met online), and you were doing it in your own bedroom.

I don’t think you’d have any problem rematching with a new family, even if this is mentioned. If it comes up, just explain to the family that you (obviously) didn’t expect someone to walk in on you, and that you would never do anything like that on-duty or if you knew the kids were in the house. Most families should understand that..:)

Once and future HM December 9, 2010 at 12:33 pm

You should rematch or allow the host family to rematch (whichever works out best for you). I hope you have good luck with that. This is not the host family for you. It is disrespectful to walk in to an adult’s private space uninvited. I walked in on my Au Pair’s room without being invited in exactly one time–she had the flu and didn’t respond when I knocked so I wanted to be sure she was OK.
What can you tell your LCC, or potential employers? Tell them that your host family can’t get past an embarassing situation where the host dad walked into your room and saw you undressed. Assure any new employer that you only plan to be undressed behind closed doors. You don’t need to say any more than that.

nanny December 9, 2010 at 4:37 pm

‘Tell them that your host family can’t get past an embarassing situation where the host dad walked into your room and saw you undressed. Assure any new employer that you only plan to be undressed behind closed doors. You don’t need to say any more than that’

I agree

NorCaMom December 9, 2010 at 5:25 pm

I agree – that is a perfect thing to say.

Your relationship with your boyfriend, in the privacy of your personal space, on your own time – is your business. I would not hold that against my au pair, EVER. And you certainly deserve a HF who respects your personal space – and, if something embarrassing like this occurs, doesn’t make it a larger issue (like is happening here).

My heart goes out to you!

Anna December 9, 2010 at 12:39 pm

I think your host family was wrong in coming into your room without knocking. They should be embarrassed.
You can do whatever you want in private – walk around your room in your underwear, or naked, sleep naked if you so please, etc. I don’t see how this is different.

HulaGal December 9, 2010 at 1:26 pm

I would also add that the host family is legally required to have a lock on the door to their au pair’s room. I may have misread your story but it seems you mentioned that you did not have a lock on your door. That’s a problem. And yes, the father should have been embarrassed to have walked in on you and you have every right to be angry with him for walking into your room without asking for permission to enter. I’m sure this is one of an au pair’s worst fears about living in a host family’s home and I’m sorry you experienced it.

Lisa, PA HM December 10, 2010 at 9:11 am

While I agree with everyone here that it is unacceptable to walk into a private bedroom without knocking AND waiting to be invited in, I just wanted to clear up one misconception. There is no legal requirement to have a lock on a bedroom door for an AP (or anyone else). The only requirement according to the state department is that the AP have a “private bedroom”. Legally this means that they have a space of their own in which they have the expectation of privacy, ie. able to close the door from view, not that there must be a lock that can be engaged – although that is a nice feature!

Calif Mom December 9, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Excellent advice from the comments above.

1. Host Dad is embarrassed and overreacting. (I hope he doesn’t have daughters, because he is in for a looooooong adolescence with them!). It would be bad enough for a Host Mom to walk in without knocking, but Dads have to be even more careful and aware of this issue. I mean, really!~
2. Just state the facts to the counselor and ask for help finding a family. And the facts do not need to embarrass you further. You were undressed and the relationship cannot be fixed now.
3. The host dad IS responsible for not having a lock on your door. This is totally not your fault.
4. I do NOT think you should just run home (even if your boyfriend would like that!). You should find another family and have a great year with a more respectful and easygoing family, and then you can get your deposit back and laugh about this with your husband one day.

Do not let this ruin your year or turn you into a victim. Stuff happens, and we fix it and move on. Good luck!

Mom23 December 9, 2010 at 2:07 pm

I think you need to ask yourself whether you want to stay with this family. If so, I would write a letter addressed to both the host mom and dad, with the LCC copied and explain what happened from your perspective. I would not apologize. You are 25, engaged, and your host dad should have knocked, but if everything else is good and you want to stay with the family the issue needs to discussed.

aupair December 9, 2010 at 2:11 pm

wow, i´m shocked! I´ an aupair and i know how uncomfortable it is when hostfamily doesn´t keep your privacy. One of my hostfamily NEVER knocked and it drove me nuts! Or when they actually did knock they didn t even give me time to invite them inside and opened the door straight away, so the knocking was quite useless anyway. Once i was getting dressed in the morning, being still in my underwear and hosmom just casually walked into my room – i was cross and felt quite embarrased eventhouh it was hostmom not hostdad and i at least had my underwear on. It just doesn´t feel nice, knowing there is no privacy for you.
I think hostparents should be more careful about that too – it was normal for one of the hosdad (from different family) not to even SHUT the door from the bathroom. On my second day i just walked into the bathroom as the door was opened like 15cm wide and what was my surprise when the hostdad was having a bath!!! I was read like a tomato and wasn´t comfortable to face him afterwards!

I hope you will find some nice and more relaxed hostfamily and i´m sure they will not mind the reason of you rematch! Good luck!!!

DarthaStewart December 9, 2010 at 2:38 pm

HUGS- I will hope that you find a great host family who will respect your privacy.

Tristatemom December 9, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Dear AP, I am writing because I don’t think anybody has really answered your question yet. I think you wrote a good letter explaining all this to us. Maybe use the same approach with the family. As to whether I would pick you, I am not sure. It does make me uncomfortable that you were undressing for the web. Of course you have a right to privacy but now that I know this about you I would wonder what other “kinky” behavior you engage in.

AnD December 11, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Dear Tristatemom,

As an AP I must say I never had a problem with my privacy, but I read this just to know what a HF would think about this issue. I was pretty happy with the comments until I saw yours. I think this girl was doing what anyone in her situation would do, in the past people did it with letters or over the phone, thanks God now we have Internet and cameras. I think this is not a “kinky” behavior at all, since sex is something a couple need and that was a solution for them (better that than cheating on him). We, the AP, don’t judge our HF for what they do in their privacy so no one should judge us for what we do in ours.

PA AP Mom December 12, 2010 at 3:34 pm

I think it is up to each host family and each AP to decide what is acceptable for them. I wouldn’t have a problem accepting this AP, but I realize that some families probably would.

I would rather be honest up front than mislead an AP and then have misunderstandings later.

Southern Host Mom December 9, 2010 at 3:21 pm

I agree with all above that this is an embarrassing and unfortunate situation for all involved. But I do have a slightly different perspective to offer–

You didn’t explain the circumstances of the host dad and child coming in your room, could this have been a mistake as well? I don’t mean to suggest it was okay for them to do so without knocking, but I have to wonder if it wasn’t for the purpose of embarrassing you (maybe they didn’t know you were there?). Maybe they made a mistake, too.

I also worry that on the Internet, nothing is truly “private.” Online activity can often be recorded, which could result in bad (if unforeseen) consequences.

I do think it’s wrong for the family to say that you are incapable of caring for the children, and that you can’t be trusted. That’s just not true. But perhaps the host parents (and especially the host dad) are so embarrassed and flummoxed by the situation, they just cannot get past it. In that case, maybe a rematch is better than the awkwardness of finishing the year with this family. By no means are you in any way “disqualified” from being an Au Pair. Rematch may be a good solution.

I agree that stating the facts to your counselor, and sharing with any rematch family only that the host dad walked into your room (unannounced and without permission) while you were undressed is sufficient. Your counselor can verify that you were a great Au Pair in every respect (which I don’t doubt that you are), but this embarrassing situation happened and it can’t be undone. I think most host families would understand that easily.

Good luck to you!

Gianna December 9, 2010 at 4:23 pm

I agree with everyone above that the host father is overreacting. He is probably taking the offensive so that no one accuses him of any wrongdoing. Probably he wasn’t doing anything on purpose – he should have been more careful but it just ” happened “. Things happen in families. I would tell the LCC the whole story but I would not go into too much detail with prospective families. I think you can say that the host father walked in on you by mistake and now you feel very uncomfortable in the family. I think
future host parents will appreciate your sense of boundaries and respect that. The host family may take the offensive with you and the agency – maybe they will even carry on with the LCC but I suspect that they will not want to get into any details with the next family. I think that they will be happy to put all of this behind them. Good luck to you.

Michaella December 9, 2010 at 5:52 pm

I agree with Calif Mom and Once and Future HM.

And I just wanted to tell you that you had a red flag since the very beginning,
they agreed to chose you because you have a boyfriend so they were sure you werent looking for “mr right” while you were in the USA?
… seriously??

I find it offensive, honestly.

I dont believe you were wrong or crossed the line, and I don’t believe this will make other HF say “no” when it comes to a rematch. You have all the right to be naked in your room, dancing, jumping, sleeping, doing whatever you want to do.

And I also think Gianna is right, when it comes to another family interview, you just say your host dad walked in, saw you naked and now both are unconfortable.

Steff December 9, 2010 at 5:54 pm

In my opinion, this is an AWKWARK situation for everybody! Both parties, HF and AP. I’m in the matching process and one of the things I’d like to be able to do is always to try to talk with the former AU pair, you know? That way I know I’ll get the actual insight about how the family dynamic is, BUT, is one AP actually tells me the Dad can be so “careless” I would totally rule out that family. I mean, msm webcam aside, I’ll never do that, but still, it’s your privacy, and I for one would really hate if having to deal with all the awkwardness between the family for now own. In a perfect world I guess you all could just talk like adults, and try to solve the situation, but we’re not in that world, are we?
Good luck anyway, and I really hope things work out for you.
And I’ll really try to keep the “issue” with little details, for your sake, and HF’s too ;)

CAmom22 December 9, 2010 at 6:17 pm

I’m shocked that a HD (or HM for that matter) would ever walk into an au pair’s room without first knocking and receiving permission. I can’t imagine there is a large number of families that would view this issue as a reason not to match with you. I think, as some have said above, stating that your HD saw you naked and it has made the relationship uncomfortable is sufficient explanation.
Curious whether things might be resolved with your current family though as the “shock” subsides? Is it possible to address the matter directly with the LCC, HD & HM now that several days have passed to see if HD might be regretting his leap to rematch (he did seem to overreact)? It’s possible though things might not be the same again though.
Best of luck – don’t go home, there is another family out there.

franzi December 9, 2010 at 6:48 pm

QUESTION:I know that the relation with my current hostfamily is lost, but could you give me some advice?
sure, the situation is stupid, your hostdad is using your weakness to distract from the fact that he walked in on you. the fact that your hostmom would like to keep you (as i understood it) speaks for your skills as AP. try to rematch and learn from this situation.

QUESTION:If you were in the place of my hostfamily, could you put your aupair in rematch too?
i think your hostfamily is over reacting based on embarrassment, misunderstandings, and just shock (they walked into a room in their house and saw a naked young woman – that is a little unexpected i think). but that does not help you now because they seem to want the rematch and if i were you i would not stay in that family.
if you were my AP i would sit you down and lay out the rules of what is allowed and what not in the house. i think what you were denied is the opportunity to explain and redeem yourself. i believe when you say that you would not have done this had you known the family is at home. and if you had had a door lock you would have locked your door.

QUESTION:Does the families hope their aupairs doesn’t have sexual life?
to be honest, judging from the american families i know, yes, a majority hope you have none and if you do they hope never to find out any details.

QUESTION:Do you think that’s a behavior that an aupair shouldn’t have?
you mean a sex life? you never hid your fiance from them, they knew about him and that is all they need to know. if you are referring to the webcam incident, yes it should not have happened and i am not sure i endorse that behavior when it is their internet service you are using.

QUESTION:Do you think other family could match me again, by knowing this?
question is how much you want to go into the details. for me the real story is that the host dad walked into your room without knocking and saw you undressed. that is a valid reason for anyone to understand why you feel uncomfortable in that family and would like to rematch. if you are mentioning the webcam clearly state you learned from the mistake and will not do it again, family around or not.

QUESTION:What should I say about the reason of my rematch, during the interview with a possible hostfamily?
i think this also depends on your counselor and the reason that is stated for the rematch in your file. ask your counselor how you can approach the issue so that it will not pose a problem for you (and show remorse towards her as well).

QUESTION:Or shouldn’t I try? Do you think I ought better return to my home?
you can always go home when the rematch fails. don’t go without having tried to rematch!

Taking a Computer Lunch December 9, 2010 at 9:35 pm

I agree with the majority here – the HF overreacted to an embarrassing situation. Every HP should knock and wait to receive permission to enter a room. Personally, I don’t think what you did was “kinky.” DH and I lived apart for a couple of years – we would have enjoyed webcams much more than phone sex. It sounds to me, that your HD has difficulties with your sexuality, not to mention your privacy. It’s not as though you were completely naked!

You need to call a meeting with your LCC and initiate rematch. If the HD is freaked out by his interruption of your long-distance relationship with your boyfriend, then you need an exit strategy, because your HP are going to second-guess you and your intentions. You need to work out a situation in which they do not denigrate your abilities as an AP while you interview other potential HFs. Use your LCC as a mediator. When asked for the reasons why you went into rematch, say that your privacy was invaded, and that you and the HP no longer feel comfortable with each other.

As for toplessness with your boyfriend – don’t do it unless your door is locked (and personally, I would wait until you know the kids are in bed and asleep).

Finally, I think APs often assume, incorrectly, that a family evening out gives them privacy. Families with young children may return home unpredictably – a child misbehaves, they want to put the children to bed at a reasonable hour, or the outing ended early. Even if the parents say they will be back at X, you never know. Assume that your quiet time will be upended by their unexpected return and you’ll be better prepared to handle it.

Should be working December 10, 2010 at 5:30 am

I agree that the AP is being treated very badly here, and that a ‘privacy malfunction’ should not lead to her being forced into rematch.

I wonder, however, about a tension I see between what some of the posters have set up as a privacy issue and a ‘decency’ issue. What if the AP had been showing herself, in private, to a stranger, or to a group of people, or to a new boyfriend? Would people still feel that the privacy issue trumps the webcam/nudity issue? Quite honestly, I would be conflicted. I would know what is ‘right’ but might be too uncomfortable to maintain the situation.

HRHM December 10, 2010 at 12:37 pm

So, if I’m understanding you, you disagree with the whole webcam sex thing? I guess, while I wouldn’t want to know about it, I don’t think there is a “decency issue” per se. Do I think it’s indecent for 2 consenting adults in a relationship to bare their body parts to each other (weather in person, in photo or over the internet shouldn’t make a difference – naked is naked right?) I wouldn’t want her leaving naked photos of herself or boyfriend around the house, on her cell phone or as her screensaver, any more than I’d want to see either naked in person. But what they do in privacy is their own business. And let’s face it, when I was 25, DH and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other – so if we were apart for a year – heck yes! Sorry, TMI. LOL

BLJ Host Mom December 10, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Great point!

And other posters have been more forgiving about it because she has a boyfriend for 4 years. Yes, those are the facts. Truth is, if it were a stranger or a group, the privacy still trumps but then it brings up whether she has good judgment and were her morals are. She is very honest here – her boyfriend of 4 years and the man she wants to marry trusts her and supports her year in USA but he might need to see her breasts to hold him over. To me, that isn’t the same at all as if she just met him and decided to show breasts on line. Both are private matters, but if I were walking in on both situations, they are not equal.

Taking a Computer Lunch December 11, 2010 at 12:20 am

A closed door is a closed door. I feel that one should always respect an AP’s right to privacy. (I often knock, to tell an AP that dinner is ready, but even then I rarely open the door — I want my AP to feel that her space is hers while she is here, a place to have that sacred down-time when your place of employment and home are one-and-the-same. If she chooses to open the door or invite me in, that’s another story.)

And basically, I don’t really WANT to know what my APs are doing when they close their door. I don’t need to know every last thing about them. I’ll save that energy for my son’s teen years.

HostMom December 10, 2010 at 11:31 am

I think you have to first decide what you want to do – try to work it out, rematch or go home. once you sort through your feelings then you can work toward that end. In all of the cases you should contact your LCC right away. she can/should also be able to help you with whatever decision you make. If it is to try to see if you can work it out, she can help with a meeting with the HF/HM. Thinking if my husband accidently walked in, he would be be completely embarrassed and possible over react as well given his own feelings. in particular if he had one of the kids with him – may not have been so bad wihtout a kid. so maybe embarrassment and a lesson for the child that he doesn’t want them doing that? I generally do all things AP, including matching, etc. so not sure i would give him the complete ability to say she’s gone either…..

On the webcam issue, probably showing my age here, I am very leary and very concerned about this type of “sharing” – whether it be webcam, facebook, etc. I know that under no circumstance would i want my daughter doing this (boyfriend, stranger, doesn’t matter) – so for me it is point of concern generally for the unintended consequences that anything that goes out on the internet can be used in ways that people don’t necessarily intend or understand. so it is a little ambiguous for me. they are adults and have an absolute right to privacy, on one hand; on the other, it is my house (my father speaking through me), my internet service and my basic “mom” instincts that this type of internet behavior scares me. I realize that many things go on that i don’t know about it, don’t want to know about and the APs are great. not sure how knowing this upfront would impact a final decision, but would make me think twice.

Very sorry about this and hope whatever decision you make works out well for you.

Gianna December 10, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Showing my age, this particular use of Skype never occurred to me until I read this
and honestly, I don’t think I would have had the nerve to do this when I was a kid.
I would have been terrified that a tape would have gotten back to my mother !
If I were this young lady’s mother, I would not want her to continue living here any longer than necessary . My guess is that the girl is very pretty and the host father is not a bad guy, just a man who is terrified of his own feelings. He wants her out of sight/out of mind asap for the sake of his family. I think that because she is a lady, the scene was so upsetting to him. It was intimate , not lewd. So he is a little immature. He didn’t hit on the aupair and he didn’t make sly jokes. He went running scared. I think that the best thing he can do now is to behave like a gentleman and say that the aupair wants a rematch and give her a good referral. If he can’t do that,
it seems like the host mom can handle it. She seems pretty together. My impression is that she respects her husband’s feelings ( & thinks he is a little silly ) and appreciates and likes her aupair. I feel for her. She is about to lose a wonderful aupair . Who do you think is going to pick up the slack on that one ?

BLJ Host Mom December 10, 2010 at 3:55 pm

I agree that
1. You should NOT go home early
2. Another family will DEFINITELY want you
3. You can say that unfortunately the host dad walked in on you topless and it made him so uncomfortable. The fact that you were skyping with your boyfriend at the time is completely unnecessary info for anyone, that is private.
4. Would I rematch as the host mom in this situation? Well, I hope that my husband would never do it, and we do put a lock on the APs door just in case, so our young kids don’t come in when she doesn’t want, but yes, I would. If my husband couldn’t get over seeing my APs breasts, I would think he is stupid, I would wish it wasn’t the case, I would be mad at him, but I certainly don’t need weird sexual tension in my house. I would NOT blame my AP, but if it meant so much to him and he couldn’t deal, I would rematch. This is so unfortunate for you.
5. At the same time, I would hire you knowing this happened with a previous family and I would tell you to use the lock on your door and just be really descreet about this. Most 25 year olds have a sex life and I would be glad that I don’t have to worry about you getting any STDs or pg under my roof, otherwise, it’s not my business when you aren’t in front of my kids.

You will get a better situation, I’m sorry this one event changed everything, that’s just how life is. Good luck to you.

LCC in NC December 13, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Dear Au Pair — I hope your LCC is involved and explains to your host family that the Dad was completely in the wrong. An au pair’s room is her private space, not to be intruded upon except on invitation. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

HostMom123 December 16, 2010 at 3:17 am

I am so sorry that happened to you. I think you have proven yourself to be very responsible and mature by writing such a thoughtful account of the situation. Any family would be lucky to have you, and I hope you find a new family soon. I would certainly never hold any of this against you, and wish we could host you!

Ronnie December 17, 2010 at 9:23 am

I am sorry you are losing your family over the situation. He definitely should have knocked before entering your room. It is your business what you do in the privacy of your room. You are the one who should be upset. What if you were just getting dressed-what is the difference. I would never enter my APs room without knocking first. i wouldnt even open the door until she responded to my knock. i am sure you will get rematched with a nice family.

Former Au Pair December 26, 2010 at 7:07 pm

Well, my bathroom is in the hall and it doesnt have a lock, so half of the family had see me either sitting on the toilet or getting dress, and I hate it, I have talk with my HM but I dont see she is doing anything to fix it. What I do is lock the whole hall so no one can go to that set of rooms, too bad if some of them need to go to their room, I dont have a lock!!! In the other hand, even if my bedroom has a lock, I wonder if my HM check my stuff, sometimes I found it out of place, I think if I were a HM maybe (possible) I will do a quick check around to see. I dont really cares, I dont have anything to hide…. except my vibrator and I wonder what she would think if she see it!!! In my defense, is my time off, my private life and I dont use it when I am working!!!

aupairK November 2, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Thats so horrible!! The HD was def wrong here. My previous HM used to go through my stuff all the time when i wasnt there (the kids mentioned it to me once) and she even came into my room one night when i was sleeping. I had almost no privacy at all. I hope you found a new family!

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