I’m writing with a driving question that I’m hoping you might post to the community. We welcomed our first au pair in mid-January. Her profile indicated 5 years of driving experience, and when we interviewed she indicated that she drives herself to and from work on a 20 minute daily commute, and often drives her younger brother to school and extracurricular events.
We’re closing in on 9 weeks since she arrived. I’ve paid for driving lessons (and she did well – it was a helpful investment!). I’ve required that she get her state driver’s license before being able to drive the car independently, and I must be comfortable with her skills before I’ll let her drive the kids independently.
Here’s the issue –
she has taken the written test twice and has failed it twice. (I’ve given her the manual in Spanish, her native language, I’ve shared links to the free practice test, and links to free online courses to review). The actual test is administered in Spanish.
Single mom here, and I’ve been fortunate to have grandparents staying with us these nine weeks to accompany her – she drives, but always with one of us in the car, that’s how we get our regular practice in. BUT my parents have to leave in a couple of weeks, and I need her to have passed the test and meet my comfort level – we’re almost there!
Is it fair for me to require her to take an online course that I pay for and if she does, how do I count these hours?
Are they “work” hours since I’m requiring it? I can squeeze in 2 additional hours per week for a few weeks without hitting the 45 hour weekly maximum, but she needs probably 2 more hours –
is it legit (I feel it’s definitely fair in this case – but welcome feedback) to ask her to chip in a few hours of her free time in this way?
I’m not interested in re-matching. She’s solid in all other areas, my kids love her, and I’ve invested a lot in on-boarding her and would like to see this through.
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I had an au pair total a car (she was at fault)–she was a great caregiver but we never were 100% comfortable with her driving so in hindsight it shouldn’t have been a surprise to us. She only had a few weeks left with us at the time of the accident, plus it was the summer so there was no absolute need for her to drive the kids, hence not rematching. She lost all access to our car as a result. I had another au pair blow a tire in the middle of the night, which required us having to wake up and help her deal with it getting towed (and we were super sleep-deprived with an infant so that was no fun). That au pair was no longer allowed to drive the car past 9:30pm with the explanation that any future incidents would result in even less access to the car for personal use. Based on my experience with these incidents, I would encourage you to set expectations for her that will gradually build towards more independence with the car. You’ve gone way above and beyond what most host moms would have done in this situation, so I think it is fair you ask her to do the practice on her own time–this also will force her to show some initiative and commitment to improving. Does she recognize her poor driving skills and is motivated to improve (or does she go through the motions assuming that she’s been driving in her home country just fine so you are over-reacting)? You’ve had to arrange for extra childcare, pay for these lessons, etc. to accommodate her lack of skill in this department. What I would do is walk through a plan that covers the next several weeks: something like, you practice 5(?) hours per week and by such-and-such date take the drivers test. If you pass, you get to drive the kids for basic work responsibilities (taking them to school, lessons), after 4(?) weeks of no problems and another evaluation of her skills (by you) she then can use the car for personal use between the hours of (say 5-8pm or something not late) during the week, after another month(?) she can have more privileges (longer trips, weekend use, nighttime driving, etc.). If you make very clear the expectations, it will be fairly objective for you to evaluate if she’s putting in the effort to make this happen. Even though she may be amazing, I can tell you that having an au pair total your car (and my kids weren’t even in it) causes a lot of strain on the relationship not to mention adds a huge amount of stress to your life just dealing with all the issues related to a wreck. Hopefully it won’t come to that, but you need to be honest with yourself at what point you won’t be able to manage this anymore and enter re-match. I would write down a go/no-go date now for this all to be resolved so this doesn’t drag on for months. I’m all about reducing potential threats to sleep and stress (which is why our car has a curfew) so I’m sure you could be proactive to limit car use to reduce the likelihood of an accident (perhaps restrict her from driving other au pairs around to reduce the possibility of distractions/shenanigans). Another thing we do with our au pairs is dictate specific rules about driving when they have our kids with them–there are roads they are to avoid, absolutely no cell phone use, no highway driving, no leaving the city limits, etc. We also give our au pair extra money each week to cover bus fare and the occasional uber so they can get around during their free time which reduces the amount of time they ask to use our car.
All my au pairs would take the online driving program to get ready for getting their driver’s license. I paid for the program but it didn’t count towards their hours. Just like their hours they are required to devote to school are also not counted. If they could pass the driving test without the program then they wouldn’t have to take it.
I would require her to practice on her own time at this point, particularly as she’s failed the test. We’re on AP 10 at this point, and two have failed a portion of the driving test – both due to language rather than a lack of actual driving skills (the test was not administered in their native language.) Given that your test was administered in her native language, I’d worry more in your case about understanding of road rules as language wouldn’t have been an issue.
Are you requiring a US license? If you are, whether because of your own peace of mind or your state’s rules, if she wants to be able to drive, whether on her own after hours or with your kids, she needs to pass the test. That may mean devoting some of her own time to passing. I’d make sure your LCC agrees (sometimes LCCs seem to interpret the rules in interesting ways, particularly if they were once au pairs themselves) but I would make clear that studying and practicing on her own time is going to be required.
I’ve been in your situation multiple times. No, we didn’t count her studying for her exam or practice time behind the wheel as work.
You’ve been pretty patient and generous with her. I hope she realizes that. If she ends up trying to negotiate this point and similar, I’d probably find another AP.
You’ve been very generous already. Our rematch au pair basically lied when she matched with us and could not drive a straight line at 10mph. We paid hundreds of dollars for driving lessons and took her to get her license. She failed the written test the first time too.
Because of her, we now have a section in our handbook that states au pairs must pay for any retakes of the exam and on their own time (not during work hours). We’ve also stressed what driving in this area is like with pictures of heavy traffic and lots of questions about their experience during matching.
A license is absolutely a requirement. Our state requires one within 60 days of moving here. We also say that all social driving is predicated on obtaining the license (to motivate them to do it quickly) AND our confidence in their driving skills.
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