Can this relationship be saved?

Our Au Pair is not the cheerful girl we expected. Now what?

by cv harquail February 15, 2010
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We’re 1 month into our first au pair and not sure if it’s going to be ok or not. Just to clarify we’re based outside the US so our au pair has not come to us through an agency, in fact she is American. We have 3 kids, all under 6 and there is no […]

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Is Snooping in your Au Pair’s room ever okay?

by cv harquail February 6, 2010
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I got an email from “Undercover Host Mom” — she is struggling with this dilemma: Although we have a strict and absolute non-smoking policy, and discussed this before we matched with our au pair, I have come to wonder whether she is smoking in our car and maybe even in the house. (It’s hard to […]

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Took the car for the weekend & lied: Should I report car stolen?

by cv harquail January 23, 2010
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The quick answer? Only if you’re ready to rematch, and Only if you are ready to have your au pair hate you. And you may well be ready for that, if this situation is what it’s boiled down to: I actually just found this great blog because I believe my au pair has stolen our […]

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Can this relationship be saved? “Uncomfortable” or something else?

by cv harquail August 19, 2009
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“Our Au Pair tells us that she is ‘uncomfortable’.” … but what does this really mean? Host parents, can you help with this request for advice? This is our first aupair…(well our very first decided she couldnt handle it and went home after 1 month). She is 22 years old from Colombia and has been […]

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Unhappy Complainer who won’t make friends: Can this relationship be saved?

by cv harquail July 21, 2009
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It’s funny how sometimes, when it’s your situation, the whole thing seems complex. Then when someone else reads it, the answer is clear. Or not. Do we ever really know whether a new au pair (or host family) is just struggling to get adjusted, or instead if it’s a lost cause? Check out the description […]

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Rematch? You vote yes or no….

by cv harquail May 25, 2009
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When I saw this comment pop up earlier tonight, it reminded me of the story that we just discussed… so many similar issues. So I have an idea– let’s take a vote on whether or not this mom should insist on a rematch. Then, let’s give this mom some ideas about what to tell her […]

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My Au Pair is ruining my life…

by cv harquail May 10, 2009
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Saving this post until after APAW— it’s too much of a misfit after all that appreciation! … I am counting the days until she is gone. She refuses to do anything except be a lukewarm body. She claims nothing is her responsibility. I provide written instruction each day. She ignores them. She isn’t suppose to […]

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5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Considering Rematch

by cv harquail May 5, 2009
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How soon can you know that it just won’t work? Dory asked a question (which I post below) about whether she’s reasonable to think that she should rematch with another au pair. She’s only had this one for 3 months, but it isn’t promising. My quick response to her prompted this advice … 5 Questions […]

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Can this relationship be saved? Our Au Pair rubs me the wrong way….

by cv harquail April 15, 2009
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Sometimes a host parent’s complaints about an au pair seem legitimate. Sometimes the complaints don’t seem legitimate. And sometimes, the host parent just really isn’t sure. Here’s a long request for advice from Anonymous . She sets it up as though she might be a bad person… and let me tell you that by the […]

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Can This Relationship Be Saved?Au Pair has tantrums when given feedback, then doesn’t change the behavior

by cv harquail March 24, 2009

Loyal Reader and Commenter Maya has had it — and who can blame her. Her au pair becomes a drama queen (my words) when given feedback, then doesn’t change the behavior. When I was reading this comment this morning, it brought back a wave of nausea, as I remembered our meeting with TL (worst au […]

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