Can this relationship be saved?

When the Cost of Rematch Seems Too High, but Your Au Pair Isn’t Working Out

by cv harquail March 3, 2016
au pair, host child, childcare

This brand new host mom, in a country without much of an Au Pairing culture, is trying hard. Despite her efforts, though, the combination of her Au Pair’s inexperience, lack of English skills, lies about driving, and basic attitude (not to mention, cultural differences between them) have led to an untenable situation. Worse still, it […]

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Energetic Male Au Pair Lacks Judgment. Should we rematch?

by cv harquail May 6, 2015
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Dear AuPairMom —  Our family has had au pairs since 2008. We had some amazing aupairs some mediocre and some terrible experiences that resulted in rematches. So one would think that we went through so many situations, we now know how to pick the right au pair and we know when it’s time for rematch. […]

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Au Pair Asks: Should I offer to rematch to solve a driving problem?

by cv harquail March 24, 2015
au pair, driving problems, liscence

Hi Au Pair Mom, I am currently an Au Pair on the East Coast. I arrived in Jan 2014 and extended another 6 months. Everything is amazing and we have had no issues in the time I have been here. But now a pretty big problem has arisen and I dont know what to do. […]

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Evaluating Progress As Your Au Pair Aims to Improve

by cv harquail January 8, 2015
au pair performance, au pair rematch, host parent advice

How much improvement is ‘enough’ to shift an au pair out of  “on the way to rematch”? When there are performance issues with an Au Pair and we ask for an improvement, we expect that: (1) The au pair’s performance will improve, (2) Performance will improve enough to satisfy the Host Parent’s original concerns, (3) The […]

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One Slight After Another: Can this au pair relationship be saved?

by cv harquail September 29, 2014
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It’s interesting to get emails from host parents — and au pairs– where it seems that the very act of writing to us is helping them gain some clarity about how untenable their situation actually is. This seems especially true when there isn’t one prominent issue but instead several smaller ones that, when all pulled […]

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Two Weeks, Three Lies, and One Next Step: Rematch

by cv harquail March 26, 2014
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Unsafe behavior. Confirmed serious lying. These are the two unquestionable reasons for rematching– even if your au pair is brand-new. Of course, the agencies and even we ourselves ask that we give each new au pair situation a chance to work itself out. Many of us have had au pairs who turned out to be […]

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Can This Relationship Be Saved?: Au Pair Seems to be Giving Up

by cv harquail February 11, 2013

Waaa waaa waaa waaa…… Sometimes I hear stories about au pairs and their complaints and I want to say: “Dude, grow UP.” “No one forced you to become an au pair. No one forced you to pick this particular family. No one’s making you do anything out of the ordinary. No one’s skimping on your […]

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What if I actually don’t like my new Au Pair’s personality?

by cv harquail December 14, 2012
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Personality matters, but we struggle to figure out how much we should let it matter. Au Pairs are caregivers, roommates, family members, and in the best of situation, they become our friends. But for some reason, many of us feel awkward making decisions about au pairs based on whether we actually like their personalities. It […]

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When Your Au Pair Complains About The Schedule

by cv harquail October 31, 2012
owl yard signs.jpeg

Even when we host parents follow all the rules about scheduling, we can still run into trouble when au pairs begin to resent that their on-duty schedule cuts into their off-duty social time. Whether it’s a Saturday night that you need her to work, a school holiday he too thinks he should have ‘off’, or […]

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What Can This Host Mom Learn From Her Experience?

by cv harquail October 19, 2012
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It can be so hard to do better with each au pair relationship. I know that I liked to kid myself sometimes that I was actually improving– a better handbook, a clearer understanding of our family’s needs, a nicer au pair room, a sense of the arc of the year, and so on. I actually […]

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