Struggling to Communicate With Host Dad

by cv harquail August 5, 2011

Every host parent has his or her own approach to interacting with their au pair. Our personalities affect some of this, but even more important is who has taken which role in the host parents – au pair relationship. When adults team up to become parents, homemakers and breadwinners, they divvy up these roles so […]

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Ending the Au Pair Year on the Right Note, by Host Mom TACL

by cv harquail July 29, 2011
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SuperHost Mom and contributing AuPairMom Advisor TACL (Taking a Computer Lunch) noticed that the blog has been rather quiet of late. Using her Masterpiece Theatre Poirot and Holmes skills, she correctly deduced that I’ve been overwhelmed enough by work that I haven’t been able to keep up. As always, lots of work is good for […]

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Family Invitations: Should your Au Pair be included?

by cv harquail July 27, 2011
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How do other people see your au pair? When you tell them that she or he should be treated as “part of the family”, what do your think that means to them? Grandparents, next door neighbors, teachers, and mail carriers all have their own ideas about whether, when, and how an au pair is or […]

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Uncommunicative Au Pair Turns Passive Aggressive

by cv harquail July 14, 2011
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I believe in talking things out when you and your au pair have challenges. Awkwardly, tentatively, enthusiastically, skillfully, however you can manage it. If we can’t share what we think and ask for what we need, we can’t improve relationships. That said, what can we do when talking doesn’t work? Sometimes our talk hits a […]

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How to Help Your Au Pair Connect With Your Kids

by cv harquail July 9, 2011
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How do you want your au pair to interact with your children? We spend a lot of time in our handbooks and meeting going over the house rules and general family principles, but often we leave implicit our our expectations for day-to-day kid – au pair interaction. Sure, we want each au pair-kid combo to […]

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When Facebook Information Raises Concerns: Should she match, or pass?

by cv harquail July 7, 2011
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Oh, the complexities of Facebook. And the generation gap. And the generation gap regarding Facebook. If it’s “true” that “young people” use Facebook differently from us (slightly older) parent people: How much should we infer from an au pair applicant’s Facebook page? Now that many of us ask to ‘friend’ our au pairs and prospective […]

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How Much Can an Au Pair Improve Sibling Dynamics?

by cv harquail June 28, 2011
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Each host family is its own self-reinforcing social system. Families have their own logic, their own climate, their own emotional rules, values, priorities, and patterns of behavior. Although the new person in the family/home means that everyone adjusts, au pairs adjust more to the family than the family adjusts to the au pair. Family systems […]

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Unbearable Fighting Between Siblings: Fair cause for rematch? (Bettina)

by cv harquail June 28, 2011
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Here’s Bettina’s story about her host kids… click back to the original post to discuss whether, if, and how an au pair can make a positive difference in host family dynamics. I’m an au pair in the US for 2 weeks now, and I really like it here. When I arrived, I immediately felt comfortable […]

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Take Advantage of Your Summer Re-Sets: Revise expectations

by cv harquail June 27, 2011
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Every year, I know it’s coming, but I’m never ready when it arrives… I’m not talking about Christmas (though, I could be). I’m talking about summer recess. Vacation for your school kids, and a new routine for everyone Last Weds. was my kids’ first day of summer recess, and already I’m going crazy. All those […]

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The Au Pair Guide Tumblr: Advice for Au Pairs

by cv harquail June 24, 2011
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A soon-to-be au pair emailed me last month to let me know she’s started a Tumblr (a simplified blog) to offer advice to au pairs. The blog, The Au Pair Guide, will cover questions and answers, au pair to au pair. She’ll also be sharing from her own experience as she leaves the USA to […]

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