Change the Family System, Not (Just) Your Au Pair

by cv harquail June 14, 2016
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“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” My neighbor says this all the time, when she’s trying to make herself aware that the problem she’s complaining about might have its roots in her own behavior. That saying came to mind to me, when I read the email below. Of course, […]

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Keeping Au Pair To 45 Hours When Kids are Not In School : Ideas to Offset Time?

by cv harquail June 9, 2016
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I need suggestions on what I can do to off set my Au Pair’s hours! With the summer months upon us and the end of the school year, I am stressed out about how to off set my Au Pair’s hours so she does not exceed the 45 hours a week. Both my husband and […]

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How Can We Develop a Connection with our Socially Detached Au Pair?

by cv harquail June 4, 2016
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The Goldilocks Conundrum Your connection with your Au Pair is too heavy, or it’s non-existant. Your Au Pair is either a homebody, sticking close to the house demonstrating little interest in the world around her/him. Or, your Au Pair is always gone — whether physically or socially. S/he  does the job, and then disappears. We […]

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New Pregnancy Plus Mediocre Au Pair — How to adjust?

by cv harquail May 24, 2016
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Here’s a tweak on the now-classic:  “Mediocre Au Pair, Should We Rematch?” question…. Dear AuPairMom ~~     We have had our 2nd AP for about 4 months, and she is the definition of mediocre. To be objective, she is a good driver and our toddler likes her. However, her English is very, very bad (I […]

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When Au Pairs Get Gravely Ill — Kindof Open Thread /Topic

by cv harquail May 23, 2016
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Over the past two weeks there’s been a whirlwind of conversation and consternation in the Au Pairing community, over a situation with an Au Pair at Au Pair Care who’s been diagnosed with cancer.  I can’t even begin to recap the steps and the facts, but they include that she was accepted into an experimental treatment […]

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Suing for Breach Of Contract?

by cv harquail May 18, 2016
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Apologies for being out of it this past week-– not to mention, avoiding any conversation about the controversy surrounding the Au Pair with the cancer diagnosis and her Host Family’s efforts to keep her in the USA for care.  I’ll post about that in a few days. In the meantime, let’s vent about another contentious […]

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New Au Pair Has Whooping Cough and Will Be Infectious for Up to 12 Weeks!

by cv harquail May 9, 2016
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Seriously Host Parents — can’t you send me emails about dilemmas that can be announced with catchy headlines??? Very rarely am I able to say — “I never heard of a problem like this before.”  While I like novelty as much as the next American, I’m not happy to see this problem now. This is a […]

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What Kinds of Relationships Do Au Pairs Want With Host Parents?

by cv harquail May 1, 2016
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There are many different types of equally good relationships that we host parents can have with our au pairs. Good host parent- au pair relationships can vary by — their level of intimacy (e.g., seriously close or pleasantly distant), — the amount of time we spend together (e.g., every waking moment or “I’m off duty, see you tomorrow, […]

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How Soon To Schedule Au Pair’s First Day Off?

by cv harquail April 24, 2016
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Venturing into the grey areas of Au Pair regulations and scheduling, a First Time Host Mom asks– how many days might a brand new au pair work before she must be given a day off?   (I phrased it differently in the headline of this post, but essentially it’s the same question).  She’s thinking about […]

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Is Two Weeks Enough To Time To Know We Need A Rematch? When I say “Yes”

by cv harquail April 23, 2016
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When a new Au Pair arrives and is clearly not working out, sensible Host Parents start thinking about rematch.  If the Au Pair does something unsafe, dishonest, or mean — ask for rematch right away. With other situations, it makes more sense to give it a little time. You might think your au pair is […]

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