When & Why Do You Really Need an Au Pair Who Can Swim?

by cv harquail June 25, 2016
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A new host mom sent a long email about several challenges she’s experiencing with her Au Pair (and we’ll get to them in the next week or two). Her concern about her new Au Pair’s swimming skills stood out to me, maybe because my neighbors down the street — with a new au pair– have […]

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Newbie Host Mom Totally Not Sure She Needs Help (She Does)

by Frances Scher June 22, 2016
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  Hi! I am Frances Scher, and I am taking a turn at the APMom mailbox.  First up is a letter from a new host mom. Her previous expectations of the au pair program don’t seem to be lining up with the current reality. The au pair is not doing her job and following the […]

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Welcoming Frances Scher as Contributing Editor: Notes on the Blog

by cv harquail June 21, 2016
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Hi Everyone! I know, it’s taking me for. eh. ver. to make any moves with the administration and management of AuPairMom. No ads yet, can’t get organized for sponsored posts, upgrading tasks postponed not just till a rainy day but waiting for a monsoon, and so on. Meanwhile, I’m 56,000 words into what Annie Lamott […]

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Managing the Financial Costs of Rematch: Getting an Agency Refund

by cv harquail June 16, 2016
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What’s a fair way to manage the costs to the Host Family of a rematch situation that they did not request themselves? Dear AuPairMom, We are currently in a re-match situation and I’m struggling with the agency’s rematch policy. We are only 2 weeks into a 12 month extension with our Au Pair, and she […]

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Change the Family System, Not (Just) Your Au Pair

by cv harquail June 14, 2016
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“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” My neighbor says this all the time, when she’s trying to make herself aware that the problem she’s complaining about might have its roots in her own behavior. That saying came to mind to me, when I read the email below. Of course, […]

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Keeping Au Pair To 45 Hours When Kids are Not In School : Ideas to Offset Time?

by cv harquail June 9, 2016
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I need suggestions on what I can do to off set my Au Pair’s hours! With the summer months upon us and the end of the school year, I am stressed out about how to off set my Au Pair’s hours so she does not exceed the 45 hours a week. Both my husband and […]

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How Can We Develop a Connection with our Socially Detached Au Pair?

by cv harquail June 4, 2016
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The Goldilocks Conundrum Your connection with your Au Pair is too heavy, or it’s non-existant. Your Au Pair is either a homebody, sticking close to the house demonstrating little interest in the world around her/him. Or, your Au Pair is always gone — whether physically or socially. S/he  does the job, and then disappears. We […]

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New Pregnancy Plus Mediocre Au Pair — How to adjust?

by cv harquail May 24, 2016
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Here’s a tweak on the now-classic:  “Mediocre Au Pair, Should We Rematch?” question…. Dear AuPairMom ~~     We have had our 2nd AP for about 4 months, and she is the definition of mediocre. To be objective, she is a good driver and our toddler likes her. However, her English is very, very bad (I […]

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When Au Pairs Get Gravely Ill — Kindof Open Thread /Topic

by cv harquail May 23, 2016
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Over the past two weeks there’s been a whirlwind of conversation and consternation in the Au Pairing community, over a situation with an Au Pair at Au Pair Care who’s been diagnosed with cancer.  I can’t even begin to recap the steps and the facts, but they include that she was accepted into an experimental treatment […]

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Suing for Breach Of Contract?

by cv harquail May 18, 2016
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Apologies for being out of it this past week-– not to mention, avoiding any conversation about the controversy surrounding the Au Pair with the cancer diagnosis and her Host Family’s efforts to keep her in the USA for care.  I’ll post about that in a few days. In the meantime, let’s vent about another contentious […]

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