Dear AuPairMom — I’ve been googling endlessly to try to find some answers to my scenario but I’m at a loss-hoping you can help.
Our au pair joined our family in November. We have. 2.5 year old and welcomed twins in december. She has been watching our 2.5 year old and will start watching the babies once they are 3 months old, things have been pretty good minus a few transitional hiccups that I think can mostly be chalked up to homesickness.
She has been searching for classes and a couple of times has asked me questions for which I directed her to the LCC. This is our first time hosting and I didn’t have the answer! The LCC usually told her to “ask the other girls” referring to the 3 other au pairs in our city. After a few of these responses, and encouraged by the other au pairs, she complained to a woman who had helped her in coming over (at the corporate office but unsure of her title-she isnt our regional director).
This resulted in a whole storm of fury from our LCC. She moved their monthly meetings to the suburbs so they are now 1.5 hours by public transit away, plus a .6 mile walk. And the last meeting our au pair attending the LCC was yelling at our au pair, but our au pair couldn’t communicate exactly what she was saying.
Our au pair now dreads these meetings and feels intimidated by this woman and does not see this LCC as a resource. I have to say, my husband and I do not either after conversations with her where she bragged that she “broke” one of the “strong willed” and had her bawling in public.
At this point, the agency is creating unnecessary strain on our au pair and our family and I am wondering if there are recommendations in dealing with this. I’m a little hesitant to go directly above her head as that resulted in this first round of retaliation against our au pair. I’m also curious exactly what the requirements are under the visa in working with these LCCs.
— Can our au pair interact with someone else via phone Or must this be done in person?
— Do you recommend speaking with the regional director?
I have plenty to manage at home and work already without having this person who is supposed to be a resource creating this tension. Any advice is appreciated!
Image: Photo by Lieselot. Dalle on Unsplash
{ 6 comments }
While agencies vary a bit, at a high level the local coordinator is required to conduct a host family interview/bedroom check before hosting, check in within 48 hours of an au pairs arrival to your home, conduct an orientation within two weeks of au pairs arrival to your home and check in with au pairs and host families on a monthly basis thereafter.
In our experience as a host family, this has been all we could really expect from our LCCs. As a new host family I too looked to my LCC for education options, driving details, vacation advice etc but none were able to provide it. The only reason I can is because I am a long time host mom so I myself head to the DMV every 1-2 years so at this point I’ve got it down to science and wrote it all out and sent to my regional who sent it to all the LCCs in my state but even that could change and often does change as the DMV changes policies/procedures.
Now education – this is even harder because while the DMV should be the same at all the branches in our state the universities and colleges are all different. Then on top of that there are audit options/procedures (only at some), international student options/procedures (others) and ESL (needs placement test before enrollment at according levels) and continuing education (hours or CEUs) so generally asking the other au pairs actually is the best bet because they are going to have the most recent information/experience at those places. Again as a host mom I know what my au pairs have done for education (audited at university very close last 4+ years) but that doesn’t help the Colombians in my group that want to take English courses at a further school. It would be impossible to keep up with all the options and procedures myself so education is definitely something we crowdsource information on and I encourage the APs and HFs to share info and help each other.
One thing you said that jumped out at me is “encouraged by the other au pairs” she called corporate. If it was only because she wasn’t getting the guidance she wanted on education and she got wound up by other au pairs to complain then honestly I would be frustrated as an LCC too. Now, I’d be frustrated because she is an adult and in our documentation and two week orientation it’s clearly stated that the au pair and host family need to explore education options and the host family is to help her get information, get registered etc. That is not at all my job. I have no requirements around education at all. Now, I send reminders and updates and try to help as a service to my group but I get nothing for that and it would be unfair to give me a low rating as an LCC because I didn’t help your AP with education.
This is a big challenge I think with most agencies structure and HF/APs expectations. Host families and au pairs think they will be 24/7 fully supported (some expect almost white glove service) but my actual job is compliance check ins mentioned above and making sure everyone is safe/alive (and has been noted on this site several times before, compensation makes this borderline a volunteer job).
Whoops clicked too soon. Continued – while I would be frustrated due to the unfair expectations and call to corporate, I would be an adult and explain the situation and expectations to both the host family and au pair and move on with my life. I find it hard to believe she moved the meetings out of spite. You mention public transit but how far is it to drive? I’m guessing your AP does not drive? The requirement is within an hour drive and I’m guessing that’s within the radius here and the monthly meeting is once a month and host families are required to provide transportation. That all seems on the up and up.
I’ve never (yet ?) yelled at an au pair. They make me crazy sometimes but I can’t imagine raising my voice. Is she South American by chance? I only ask because mine would hear hubs and I argue (not yell) and then would tell my housekeeper (a friend) that we had a huge fight (yelling) and that she was afraid we were getting a divorce. ???? I’d tread carefully here – not saying your AP is a liar – just saying you haven’t seen any of this first hand. And her version (her truth) may be different than the local coordinators or other APs that were there. Honestly if it were me I’d try the local coordinator directly first if at all. I mean yes, she has monthly meetings but that’s it so you are not impacted but if my AP was upset and I wanted to advocate for her I would call local coordinator to get to the bottom of it and if that didn’t work then I would call regional director. Talk to the coach, then the GM. ?. She may have just had a tough month or got carried away. Not ok but should be easy to fix, if not then you have every right to escalate and say exactly what you did (ap is saying LCC raised voice and is afraid of her and causing you drama when things are going great – I wouldn’t mention the meeting location or education because I think those will be in line and potentially label you with unrealistic expectations of the role/hard to please).
Now that we’ve hosted 9 years my expectations for LCCs are compliance and check ins, nothing more. If your coordinator does more than that (including fun meetings, guidance, support meetings, welcome gifts, etc) odds are great that it’s not only unpaid but actually coming out of her own pocket/goodness of her heart so everyone please give your great LCCs a thank you or even a hug today! #huganlccday should be a thing!
This is EXACTLY why I choose my agency only after speaking to the LCC and I why have quit agencies due to the LCC. I mean seriously, be human and try to be helpful. Perhaps helpful isn’t required in the job description, but damn it makes the whole experience better for everyone. AND yes, I expect more than the lowest level of compliance when I get to choose where I spend my money.
I don’t have a good answer. We were a 7th year family and the agency changed the LCC during our year. When we realized that the new LCC wasn’t working out we spoke with her and got the lowest level of compliance response. We requested a switch to a neighboring LCC (whom we liked) and talked to upper management. In the end the agency wouldn’t budge so we left. They lost a long term customer and they could have easily made other arrangements. I don’t understand that logic but I’m not losing sleep over how they run their business.
I would take yourselves out of the equation here. It’s up to the au pair to make the LCC relationship work, which can be extremely minimal if needed. I agree with the other poster that au pairs should figure out education options themselves or with your guidance. In our experience our au pairs have skipped cluster meetings with no repercussions and have done compliance checkins over the phone. I’d love to hear if the requirements to meet in person are actually defined by the state department or are imposed by the agency. I would assume that if the au pair conforms to the state department rules she should be fine? Has an au pair ever been kicked out of the program for skipping cluster meetings?
I agree with this. AP can call corporate again and say she’s afraid of retaliation by the LCC, then see if the agency gives her another LCC. AP is an adult. As a host mom, you don’t need to be making calls for her to the school principal….
Some are simply terrible. Out last agency didn’t even bother with monthly check ins and LCC must have faked them. Missing cluster meetings might matter for an extension if LCC is that vindictive, but won’t get your AP kicked out of the program early.
Some LCCs are just duds. And as PP mentioned they aren’t required to go above and beyond, so there isn’t much recourse. I’d tell my AP to ignore the LCC and find her own answers. She can also skip some meetings and you can drive her to save the long commute.
It sounds like you’re a first time HP so you might not be able to guide your AP, but soon enough you’ll know a lot about the ins and outs of AP education, getting a driver’s license, bank account, etc. In the meantime, the local AP clusters usually maintain an ongoing group independent of the LCCs, and your AP could probably find larger groups on social media.
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