Your Host Parent approach

Poll: Does your Au Pair join you for dinner?.

by cv harquail April 8, 2009
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Our family tradition Sitting down together at the table for supper is one of my favorite moments of the day. During the week, when it’s just us girls, we all hold hands and sing grace before we eat. In that brief moment, everything is peaceful and undeniably happy. Then we let of each other’s hands, […]

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Myths about Au Pairs: The Fox in Your Henhouse

by cv harquail April 7, 2009
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Close behind the myth that every Au Pair is a "Hottie" is the myth that au pairs are out to steal your Host Dad. I guess this is one of those where the exceptions are so salient that you end up believing that it happens a lot. I haven’t ever met a host mom or […]

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Your House is Not a Youth Hostel

by cv harquail April 3, 2009
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Let me repeat that: Your house is not a youth hostel. It’s not a hotel. It’s not a pied a terre. Your house is your home, and if you choose to have friends of your au pair as overnight guests, there is a lot to think about. One blatant sign that a host mom and […]

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The 3rd Car: Avoiding a sense of entitlement

by cv harquail March 31, 2009
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We all want to be generous, and we all want to be appreciated. There’s nothing like having a third car for your au pair to use to make you aware of the tension that can exist when you want to be generous and want to be appreciated. When we bought our first Volvo wagon to […]

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Advice Wanted: How to manage too much “personal” use of family car

by cv harquail March 25, 2009
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I need advice about car usage for our au pair. Our au pair has been with us for a little over 7 weeks now. She is doing a great job and has really blended well with our family. Part of her duties (driving) are to drop-off/pick-up our children from school 3 days a week & […]

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Can This Relationship Be Saved?Au Pair has tantrums when given feedback, then doesn’t change the behavior

by cv harquail March 24, 2009

Loyal Reader and Commenter Maya has had it — and who can blame her. Her au pair becomes a drama queen (my words) when given feedback, then doesn’t change the behavior. When I was reading this comment this morning, it brought back a wave of nausea, as I remembered our meeting with TL (worst au […]

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Using Your Car is a Privilege, not an Entitlement: Best practices

by cv harquail March 24, 2009
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Second only to food as a ‘terrain of struggle’ is the shared family car. While the luckiest of us host families has an extra clunker or not-so-clunker available for the au pair to use as her own, many more host families have their au pair share the family car. And, some host families do not […]

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Make your home a nest of creativity

by cv harquail March 19, 2009
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Perhaps one of the most useful bits of advice for managing an au pair relationship is "be creative". Creative in terms of how you see things, how you respond to challenges, how you integrate your priorities and your au pair’s abilities, and how you develop a relationship between your kids and your au pair. It […]

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The kind of question I love to hear from Au Pairs! And your answers …?

by cv harquail March 14, 2009
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I’m so glad to have the chance to highlight some of the nicest things about having an au pair. Discussing the good things not only benefits host parents who are new to the whole thing and need some encouragement, but also helps out any experienced host parents who need to be re-juiced. Here’s a question […]

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Terms of Endearment and Moms’ Deepest Fears. Also, Childcare Myths.

by cv harquail March 12, 2009
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Over in the Skribit feature, as a suggested topic, an anonymous person asked “How to deal with the fact that the child calls the Au Pair ‘mom’.” When I first saw this topic suggestion, I planned to ignore it. I wasn’t sure it was from a real host mom. Honestly, how many times have you […]

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