Privacy and Family Time

The “Fire Or Blood” Rule for Au Pairs With Work-At-Home Parents

by cv harquail January 20, 2014

I saw this photo on Twitter today and it cracked me up. It reminded me of my own (vain? valiant?) attempts to teach my au pairs and now my tweenagers when it is and isn’t okay to interrupt me in my home office. (Remember this photo?) These days, I’ve shifted to a […]

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When a Host Parent Is Diagnosed With Asbergers, How Does This Reshape The Au Pair Relationship?

by cv harquail October 13, 2013

We’ve had some wonderfully honest, thoughtful and insightful conversations here on Au Pair Mom about how to manage relationship dynamics with Au Pairs who have emotional challenges or histories, and children who have cognitive or developmental ‘special needs’ — chronic cognitive or relational challenges that families need to support. But we haven’t even talked about […]

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Personal Time: Do Host Parents take it personally when Au Pairs retreat to their rooms?

by cv harquail September 16, 2013

It can be so easy to misinterpret behaviors — and to take offense where none is intended. Tone of voice, awkward choice of words, different cultural norms, and even the specifics of the ‘moment’ influence the meaning we extract from someone’s behavior. Wait, make that “the meaning we think we extract from someone’s behavior”. Even […]

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Start By Following the Rules: Au Pair Asks About Hours, Holidays and Discipline

by cv harquail December 29, 2012

97% of the time that something goes wrong between an au pair and a host family, it’s because one or both parties is not following the rules. Okay, maybe it’s not 97%. Maybe it’s just 95%. But in the vast majority of the problems we talk about here, someone isn’t following the rules. We got […]

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Which bedroom to choose for your Au Pair?

by cv harquail September 26, 2012

Lucky you- you’re not only getting an au pair, but also you have a choice of rooms for his or her bedroom! But which bedroom should you choose– the one near the baby? The big one where s/he’d share the kids’ bathroom or the smaller one where she’d have her own bathroom? Or the […]

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Sustaining Your Au Pair’s Privacy When You Enter Her Room Without Notice

by cv harquail July 15, 2012

Au Pairs (and Host Parents) need their privacy — that’s why there are rules about the au pair’s room having an actual door (not a curtain or a screen). Pretty much the only time it’s okay to go into an au pair’s room without permission is when there is an “emergency”. Emergencies include: A/C left […]

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Tip: Know How To “Pull a Garbo”

by cv harquail April 20, 2012

“I Vant to Be Alone” ~ Greta Garbo As the famous film actress explained, sometimes a wo/man needs a break. A grown-up’s “time out”. A moment of quiet, in her own kitchen, with a cup of tea and no one asking her to explain yet again how the microwave works. You’ve been there, I know. […]

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Our Au Pair is Dating My Husband’s Close Friend. Now what?

by cv harquail February 4, 2012

And speaking of trying to maintain some privacy around ones adult social life, Here’s an email that has me completely stumped. How do they stay “host parents” to their au pair, and friends with their friend, and have any separate adult social life? We really need your ideas here, folks. Dear Au Pair Mom, I […]

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Invasion of Privacy: Time for rematch?

by cv harquail October 19, 2011

Here at AuPairMom we get some very interesting emails from host parents and au pairs facing challenges in their relationships. Sometimes these questions are easy to answer, other times the whole group of us has to band together to come up with useful advice. Sometimes these emails make me sad — so much struggle, such […]

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