Host Family dynamics

When Having An Au Pair Exposes Cracks in Your Marriage

by cv harquail January 30, 2016

Getting an Au Pair can expose cracks in your marriage that you haven’t seen before. Getting an Au Pair can also force you to pay attention to dynamics that have been there all along but that you and your spouse have “successfully” avoided before. It’s not the Au Pair herself or himself that “causes” the […]

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When Parenting Styles Conflict

by cv harquail January 6, 2016

Au Pairs and Host Children need consistent expectations from Parents in order to do well. In families where both Host Parents have a similar parenting philosophy, or where one parent takes the “lead” and makes all the parenting decisions, ‘doing a great job’ is easier for Au Pairs. AuPairs need to adapt to only one parenting style, […]

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Au Pair’s Host Child Using iPad Improperly– How should she discuss with Host Parents?

by cv harquail December 16, 2015

Apologies, readers, for the euphemism in the headline — by “improperly”, we’re meaning “hey the Host Kid is looking at websites with the letters s – e -x in the title”….. Host Parents and Au Pairs are aligned in a main childcare goal– keeping the children safe. “Safe”, of course, has a lot of different meanings…usually […]

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Does Every Au Pair-Host Parent Relationship Deflate Towards The End?

by cv harquail August 25, 2015

In a world where most AuPair-Host Parent relationships are just “fine”, are those of us who’ve had terrific Au Pairs simply lucky? Or have we forgotten the hard parts –as we’ve forgotten the pain of childbirth, or the sleepless nights of new parenthood– and just held on tightly to the good? Truth be told, I’ve […]

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When Your Au Pair Connects With Everyone But You

by cv harquail July 30, 2015

Not every Au Pair hits it off with every family member. Sometimes there’s a kid or a parent for whom the Au Pair’s personality is a perfect fit. Sometimes the Au Pair is ‘primed’ to listen to one parent over the other because of the Au Pair’s own family history. Sometimes the Au Pair’s home […]

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My Brother is Dating My Au Pair – Against My Wishes

by cv harquail June 15, 2015

Usually it helps to think about your Au Pair as ‘part of the family’. S/he lives with you, sees what’s behind the scenes, and knows some of your family drama. Because we do integrate our Au Pairs into our family lives, situations come up that– were s/he a live-out nanny or part time babysitter — would […]

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Managing Your Au Pair When Someone in the Family is Sick

by cv harquail May 7, 2015

from ShouldBeWorking: Background: Anorexic teen daughter is in hospital. This is a relief, actually. We had some very bad weeks and now she is getting good care and nutrition. I have been beyond exhausted, anxious and miserable trying to re-feed her and seeing things just fall apart. While she is inpatient I’m trying to rest […]

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Can an Au Pair Help An Anorexic Host Mom? Should She Try?

by cv harquail April 21, 2015

When an au pair notices that the host mom is having some kind of personal problem, should the au pair try to talk with the host mom about it? When I think about this question in the abstract, my answer is “Of course! If the au pair cares about the host mm as a person, […]

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Selling Our House: How do we show the Au Pair Room to Buyers?

by cv harquail April 14, 2015

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(Part of a series on Moving With Your Au Pair) When your family is selling your house, everyone has to pitch in to make the sale as easy as possible. This means – being on their best ‘pick up after yourself’ behavior, – being ready to dash out and stay out at a moment’s notice, […]

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Our Au Pair Was Unhappy. Everyone Knew But Us.

by cv harquail February 21, 2015

Dear Au Pair Mom — I have just discovered that our first au pair, who departed three months ago after a year working and traveling with us, told *everyone* but me that she was unhappy with our family. We though she was the greatest au pair: hard worker, experienced with the kids, wise… She seemed […]

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