Host Child(ren) Relationships

How to Sabotage the Au Pair’s Authority By Refusing To Discipline Your Kids

by cv harquail February 25, 2014

When I look around troubling dynamics in the au pair — host child– host parent relationship triangle, I see three Host Parent behaviors that seem to set everyone up to fail: 1. Parents undercutting the au pairs authority, especially by reversing decisions. 2. Parents skimming all the good chores, events and behaviors, leaving the au […]

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Au Pair Appreciation: Sharing Her Language and Extending Herself

by cv harquail February 23, 2014

Every morning and evening I am thankful for our au pair, S. She arrived in January 2013 to take care of our son, who was 8 months old at the time. S was trained to be an au pair in a foreign run orphanage for handicapped and other abandoned children and orphans in Zhengzhou, China. […]

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When Host Parents Start Working ‘At Home’: Helping your au pair make the switch

by cv harquail April 2, 2013

Given all the work that we put into matching our family situation with just the right au pair, it can feel pretty painful when– all of a sudden– your family situation changes. Adopting a baby, getting a divorce, moving across the country, moving to a new house starting home renovations, getting a dog, … you get […]

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Halloween Activities for Au Pairs and Kids

by cv harquail October 27, 2012

Every holiday gives your kids and your au pair a chance to work together, have fun and build memories with holiday-related crafts and activities. Cultural sharing and just plain ‘ole relationship-buidling happens in the doing of things. Given that Halloween is one of the trio of secular, nation wide cultural holidays (the other two being […]

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Au Pair Asks: What if I’m not really prepared to handle these kids?

by cv harquail February 20, 2012

Dear Au Pair Mom, I really love to read your blog, and have been reading it for a few months now, back when I started on my quest to become an Au Pair. And now for the first time I’m writing to you for advice. I have just moved to my host family and have […]

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Revealing Your “Special Needs” During the Matching Process

by cv harquail February 17, 2012

When is the best time to discuss with a prospective au pair candidate that a host child has special needs? When your child has special needs, you need to be sure in advance that your au pair is up for the challenge. Many au pair candidates will indicate on their applications that they are open […]

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How to Help Your Au Pair Connect With Your Kids

by cv harquail July 9, 2011

How do you want your au pair to interact with your children? We spend a lot of time in our handbooks and meeting going over the house rules and general family principles, but often we leave implicit our our expectations for day-to-day kid – au pair interaction. Sure, we want each au pair-kid combo to […]

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How Much Can an Au Pair Improve Sibling Dynamics?

by cv harquail June 28, 2011

Each host family is its own self-reinforcing social system. Families have their own logic, their own climate, their own emotional rules, values, priorities, and patterns of behavior. Although the new person in the family/home means that everyone adjusts, au pairs adjust more to the family than the family adjusts to the au pair. Family systems […]

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Unbearable Fighting Between Siblings: Fair cause for rematch? (Bettina)

by cv harquail June 28, 2011

Here’s Bettina’s story about her host kids… click back to the original post to discuss whether, if, and how an au pair can make a positive difference in host family dynamics. I’m an au pair in the US for 2 weeks now, and I really like it here. When I arrived, I immediately felt comfortable […]

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What if you Au Pair thinks your child might need professional help?

by cv harquail June 17, 2011

Our au pairs get an up-close and personal view of our families. Sometimes they see things we don’t see, maybe even things we don’t want to see for ourselves. Because au pairs interact with our children when we parents are often not around, and they spend longs days with our kids, they may notice things […]

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