Host Child(ren) Relationships

Teach Your Kids To Treat Your Au Pair With Respect

by cv harquail January 30, 2015

Here’s a host mom after my own heart. Why? Because her first thought after describing the problem is to ask what she might be doing to contribute to it. Not that I want host parents (or au pairs) to always shoulder the blame, but with all things social it’s the *relationship, the *context, and the […]

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Male Au Pairs: Not just for male host kids, by ReturningHM

by cv harquail December 16, 2014

When ReturningHM offered to write a post about her experiences with male au pairs, I was delighted. Many new readers find AuPairMom by searching the term ‘male au pair’. There simply isn’t that much information out there about the benefits and challenges of male au pairs vs female ones. Folks are curious about what it […]

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Help Your Au Pair Learn When to “Pick Her Battles” with Kids

by cv harquail December 6, 2014

How do you teach the art of knowing when to let things slide? So much of good parenting and good caregiving is about being consistent. Kids thrive on routine. They need consistent explanations, consistent expectations, and consistent consequences so that they learn how to make good choices with their own behavior. Yet, so much of […]

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Au Pairs Should Use Language that Host Kids Can Understand

by cv harquail September 23, 2014

Many families look for au pairs who can help their children learn a language other than English. The idea is that the au pair can speak to the child in the au pair’s first language, and teach the child the second language through everyday interactions. Conceptually, this makes sense. We do, after all, learn our […]

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It’s the Parents’ Job to Teach Children Kind Behavior

by cv harquail September 18, 2014

Au Pairs can reinforce discipline and expectations, but it’s Parents who remain responsible. Many parents who are either new to parenting at all or new to host parenting specifically struggle with this issue. We all want our children to be kind. Full stop. (I’m assuming this is true. It’s true, right? We want our kids […]

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3 Features of Au Pairing: Which One Challenges You?

by cv harquail September 1, 2014

What are the real, important differences between Au Pairs and other kinds of childcare providers, like nannies, babysitters, or childcare centers? What really influences the challenges that host parents and au pairs face when it comes to making this ‘the best year ever’? It used to be that when people asked me how having an […]

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Saying Goodbye to a Host Toddler: Ideas?

by cv harquail June 20, 2014

“You have to stay forever, ” the little girl tells me. “We love you more than your real family.” Our first au pair adored our first child. She sang to her, read to her, dressed her up in crazy outfits, taught her how to blow dandelion puffs, and rocked her to sleep in her arms. I think […]

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Photographing Host Children: What’s appropriate to shoot, and what’s appropriate to share?

by cv harquail April 7, 2014

All children are beautiful. When we, our au pairs, our families, and our friends see our beautiful child, it’s oh-so-tempting to try to hold that image of beauty still, to want to preserve it as a memory forever. When we adore these children, when we are proud of them, when we love them, we want […]

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Au Pair is harsh and negative with Host Kids: Can we change her interaction style?

by cv harquail March 27, 2014

Dear Au Pair Mom Community, I really need your advice about a situation I have where I don’t think “rematch” is feasible (and besides my husband is totally against it). Basically we have had an Au Pair (our 3rd) for the last 9 months. The first 6 months were great. She’s organized, responsible, a good […]

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Don’t Make Your Au Pair Do Your Kids’ Homework

by cv harquail March 8, 2014

Haven’t we all wished for someone else to do our Algebra homework? That’s normal. What’s not so normal, though, is to ask your au pair to do your 17 year old’s homework. This situation is a little outside our usual boundaries, because the au pair is in Europe (US rules don’t apply), because she has […]

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