Truths & Lies

Au Pair with Eating Disorder – Should She Leave Early?

by cv harquail November 14, 2015

We’re a little sensitive here at AuPairMom about the subject of eating disorders among young women. Some of us Moms have struggled with them, and some of us have children who have had or are currently working through eating disorders. So, as we go forward with this conversation, please be especially thoughtful. A brand new […]

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When Au Pair Candor Hurts Your Host Parent Feelings

by cv harquail May 18, 2015

We Host Parents want our Au Pairs to be truthful with us. Whether the topic is homesickness, feelings of depression, concerns about children’s behavior, or even our own emotional situations, we want our au pairs to tell us how they see things. As Americans, we believe that candor (being forthcoming) and honesty (telling the truth) […]

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When Au Pairs Plan In Advance Not To Complete Their Year

by cv harquail April 23, 2015

Au Pair contracts, for both the au pair and the family, exist so that both parties are absolutely clear about what they can expect from each other. A Host Family pays an agency fee that they expect to cover 12 month of service. Indeed, knowing that you can amortize the cost of finding and training an […]

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Childcare vs. Child Chores: What’s a fair balance for an Au Pair?

by cv harquail November 7, 2014

An Au Pair’s primary role is child care– as in, caring for the actual child. Virtually no young adult comes to the US for a year to do a kid’s laundry, make the kid’s bed, or clean splashed applesauce off the kitchen floor. While the child-related housework chores are certainly part of the tasks […]

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One Slight After Another: Can this au pair relationship be saved?

by cv harquail September 29, 2014

It’s interesting to get emails from host parents — and au pairs– where it seems that the very act of writing to us is helping them gain some clarity about how untenable their situation actually is. This seems especially true when there isn’t one prominent issue but instead several smaller ones that, when all pulled […]

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The Fainting Au Pair: Should we rematch?

by cv harquail May 5, 2014

Reliable, predictable, kind, and safe — that’s what we need childcare to be. So what happens when we have an au pair who we like, who’s doing a great job, and then all of a sudden turns out to have a condition that is unpredictable, that makes her unreliable, and that makes you worry that […]

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Don’t try to make your “two toddlers, small house, no au pair car” life “attractive”

by cv harquail April 22, 2014

“There’s a lid for every pot.” This wisdom was offered by HRHM four years ago, and it’s stuck with me. I love it because it’s just so TRUE when it comes to au pairs and host families. No matter how weird unique your family is or how weird distinctive an au pair candidate is, if […]

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Au Pair lies, but my kids love him. Should we rematch?

by cv harquail March 31, 2014

Just when you think the answer is clear, a situation comes along that makes it foggy again. Only last week, I claimed that repeated lying was an automatic, unquestionable grounds for rematch. Then, we got this email, below, from DevastatedHM. DevastatedHM has an au pair that she and her family adore, but who has broken […]

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Two Weeks, Three Lies, and One Next Step: Rematch

by cv harquail March 26, 2014

Unsafe behavior. Confirmed serious lying. These are the two unquestionable reasons for rematching– even if your au pair is brand-new. Of course, the agencies and even we ourselves ask that we give each new au pair situation a chance to work itself out. Many of us have had au pairs who turned out to be […]

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