Common Challenges

Au Pair Mom’s Mothers’ Day Challenge

by cv harquail May 8, 2010
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The annual celebration of Mothers’ Day offers us moms a chance to have breakfast in bed, or experience some other kind of treat from our family. It’s one particular day that we get a bit of positive feedback for the work that we do as moms, and it’s one day that we get to be […]

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Au Pair Asks: Tips for Getting Money Back Home

by cv harquail May 6, 2010
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I was impressed to discover that some au pairs actually save money, either for themselves or to send back home to their parents. Many of the au pairs I’ve known have spent their money here in the USA, either on shoes or on traveling (and occasionally on both. What do mannies spend their money on?) […]

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Choosing an Au Pair: Sexual Orientation as a consideration

by cv harquail May 5, 2010
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When we are looking for au pair candidates who might be a good fit with our family, we have criteria (e.g., must drive, can’t smoke, likes dogs) that are non-negotiable. We have preferences that direct us to candidates with characteristics we think we’d like in an au pair (e.g., is musically talented, family-oriented, German). And […]

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What can an Au Pair expect from a Host Family?

by cv harquail May 3, 2010
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In the mirror post to this one, we’re generating a list of ways that families interpret and execute the rules, but with the effect of having the au pair feel mistreated. Here on this page is our chance to list what an au pair can expect from a family when both the family and the […]

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Locking the Refrigerator, and other ways to mistreat an Au Pair

by cv harquail May 3, 2010
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Riffing on the post Do Au Pairs need a bill of rights? about Au Pairs and a domestic workers bill of rights, Dawn mentioned that A clear listing as to what kind of treatment is reasonable to expect would be very helpful in such circumstances. As one example, in a program where the AP expects […]

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What really motivates them to become Au Pairs?

by cv harquail May 3, 2010
choosing

Very few au pairs come to the US because they want to take care of kids. They can do this in their home countries, with a lot less drama and zero homesickness. While many (let’s hope, most) au pairs like kids, and think they will enjoy caring for kids for a year, this is usually […]

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Choosing an Au Pair: How much does the home country matter?

by cv harquail April 29, 2010
choosing an au pair, au pair selection advice, how to choose an au pair

Host parents are often asked why they’ve chosen an au pair from a particular country, and whether an au pair’s home country matters. How do you answer that question, without sounding like you’re stereotyping too much? When it comes to having preferences for countries, we feel very comfortable prioritizing home countries based on language— if […]

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My Au Pair Dresses Like a Tramp. Help!

by cv harquail April 27, 2010
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Au Pairs and their appearance– another dicey topic. We don’t like to think that an au pair’s physical appearance affects how we (or others) respond to her, but the ugly truth is– appearances are influential. When we (American) host parents react to an au pair’s appearance, we’re invoking preferences, expectations and interpretations based partly in […]

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Au Pair Asks: How can I gently decline my Host Mom’s advice?

by cv harquail April 26, 2010
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One of my guilty pleasures as a host mom has been to think that I’ve been able to give my au pairs some good advice. After all, I’ve had a lot of life experience, I’m opening-minded, I have relevant professional experience, and — let’s face it– I usually know what I’m talking about (grin). Therefore, […]

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When Your Au Pair Breaks Your Psychological Contract

by cv harquail April 24, 2010
July 19: Balancing act (58/61) by theDQT

[ Note: I think this might be the longest AuPairMom post I’ve ever written. It was a long train ride and I think I got carried away.] Host families and au pairs call it mutual expectations, and management scholars call it the “psychological contract”. The idea behind a psychological contract is that we agree to […]

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