Common Challenges

Taking Your Au Pair “On Vacation”: How can you make sure you’re fair to your Au Pair?

by cv harquail August 8, 2017

Today I got emails from two different au pairs, both asking for advice about going on vacations with their Host Families. In both situations, it seems that the Host Parents aren’t really following the rules around the 10 hours per day/ 45 hrs per week limits. Scanning back through the archives, I realized that nearly […]

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New Au Pair Has A Rash: Could it be the water?

by cv harquail August 1, 2017

Has this ever happened to you or your au pair? Our au pair has been with us for a little over 2 weeks. She has a rash that has spread over her arms, trunk, and neck. She’s certain this is from our water. This is our 8th au pair in as many years, and we’ve […]

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Different Defaults for Deciding When an Au Pair is “Part of the Family”

by cv harquail July 27, 2017

Who decides, and how do you decide, when an Au Pair should be included in (off duty) family events? Nearly all of the time, my default has been to invite the au pair, unless its a private event (e.g., friend’s kid’s birthday) or a boring-to-an-au pair event (e.g., company picnic where family is invited). As […]

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Religious Au Pair Doesn’t Celebrate Holidays. Would you still consider her?

by cv harquail July 22, 2017

Celebrating American holidays with your au pair or host family is one of the biggest (and most fun) elements of cultural exchange. Holidays are a unique window into culture. The traditions, the food, the festive spirit all invite us to talk about the values behind the celebration. On the more personal, less ‘cultural’ level, holidays […]

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Our Au Pair Generously Let Her Boyfriend Drive Our Car — Now what?

by cv harquail July 19, 2017

Generosity in a host parent – au pair relationship is critical. Our inclination to give, to forgive, to cut someone else a break, is what creates important flexibility in a relationship. That’s why we say strong relationships always have a little ‘give’. One of the biggest questions for Host Parents and Au Pairs alike is how […]

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How Should an Au Pair Explain Visible Scars to Host Kids?

by cv harquail July 8, 2017

Each of us bears scars from life events that have challenged us. Some of these scars are hidden, and allow us to keep their origins private. Other scars are in plain sight, and their visibility raises the possibility that at some point, we won’t be able to keep their origins to ourselves. I have a […]

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Explaining “America” to Your Au Pair

by cv harquail June 30, 2017

4th of July is one of my favorite holidays… all about family, community and abstract patriotic notions. 4th of July is also the holiday when I am most likely to embarrass my children– apparently, as they get older, it is no longer cool to have a mom who dresses up in red, white & blue […]

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Mom of Au Pair Asks: How Can I Offer Support from Afar?

by cv harquail June 27, 2017

For the first time ever, we’ve heard from the mom of a brand new Au Pair. Her daughter is running into problems with her Host Family, and the au pair’s Mom wants to know– how can she help? I’ve wanted to ignore the possibility that an pair’s parents would be offering her real-time advice on […]

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Her Au Pair Takes Too Many Showers: Is this really the problem?

by cv harquail June 1, 2017

Too many showers? That’s so much better than the alternative. Really, who wants to tell their au pair that they need to wash more often? But we know, it’s these seemingly small things that can (1) be annoying and (2) tip us off to some deeper issues that should be addressed. SoggyHostMom’s problem? “How […]

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