Common Challenges

How Can We Help Our Grieving Au Pair?

by cv harquail April 18, 2013

About three weeks ago my au pair’s boyfriend (local in the USA) died suddenly in an accident. By way of background, she has been with us since last June and is planning to stay another year. We have twin boys that are 13 months old. Both my husband and I work in demanding jobs. We […]

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When An Au Pair’s Thriftiness Shortchanges Her Adventure

by cv harquail April 4, 2013

Frugality is an admirable trait. It takes a lot of restraint and self discipline for an au pair to save money from her/his weekly stipend. Whether s/he’s saving for a vacation, a laptop computer, or to send money back home, au pairs who are carefully watching their expenses deserve our support. But when an au […]

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Should Au Pairs be expected to do chores on their Day Off?

by cv harquail March 12, 2013

In our earlier conversation about what chores are appropriate to ask an au pair to do, AussieAuPair raised an interesting question– When an au pair is officially having a day off, should s/he still be expected to do household chores? We need to make two sets of distinctions first, between — family member household chores […]

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Taking Brand New Au Pairs on Vacation: Best Practices?

by cv harquail March 3, 2013

Host parents generally agree that taking an au pair on vacation right at the start of his/her au pair year is inviting trouble. Starting your au pair year in a vacation location, with host parents who are not rushing off to work and with host kids who are not heading off to school makes the […]

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Violence In The Host Family Home: What Should An Au Pair Do?

by cv harquail February 18, 2013

Because Au Pairs live with families, inside their homes and inside their family lives, Au Pairs often see things that outsiders do not. Au Pairs see not just messy kitchens or heaps of laundry. Sometimes they also see emotional and physical abuse among host family members. Violence in the Home I don’t like to call […]

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Cut Your Losses: When your Au Pair starts lying before she even arrives

by cv harquail February 10, 2013

Our conversation about “when you discover that your au pair is lying” could go on forever, since there are so many different situations in which a lie can be a problem — or something to gloss over. We lie (parents and au pairs) to save face, to avoid consequences, and sometimes to deliberately deceive someone so that […]

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When You Suspect That Your Au Pair is Lying. A lot.

by cv harquail February 4, 2013

From Ananomousthistime Our current AP has been here since the summer. On one hand, she takes good care of the children, is responsible and follows our instructions. I used to think she was a GREAT AP. I should also mention that we place a very high value on honesty in our home. We respect the […]

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What To Do When Your Au Pair Doesn’t Bathe

by cv harquail January 20, 2013

Some issues are just too awkward to talk about. But we have to talk about them anyway, because these are the very issues that keep host parents and au pairs from really connecting. We’ve hit some of these issues already– contraceptives, personal safety, swimming when she has her period (I told you they were awkward!), […]

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When Your Au Pair Won’t Do More Than Mind Your Child: Child Care Chores

by cv harquail January 12, 2013

How do you teach an au pair that ‘childcare’ includes more than just caring directly for your child/ren, in real time? We all know that childcare means not only one-to-one interacting with the child and the child’s needs, but also doing child-related work ‘offline’. But many au pairs (especially new ones) struggle with this, because […]

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