Common Challenges

What Kind of Parent Are You — To Your Au Pair?

by cv harquail January 8, 2014

No Host Parent wants to feel responsible for an au pair who’s unable to take care of him/herself. We complain to each other bitterly “If I’d wanted another ‘dependent’, I’d have had another kid!” And, we resent the idea that there is another anything (much less an actual person whom we care about) that we […]

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Do You Have Regular Weekly Meetings With Your Au Pair?

by cv harquail January 5, 2014

Some Host Parents swear by the Weekly Meeting as The. One. Thing. (along with the Handbook, of course) that keeps the relationship running smoothly. Weekly meetings have a lot to recommend them. Meetings that are: Regular Planned in advance Agenda driven Happen outside of the day to day rush or parent/au pair transition time — […]

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Thanksgiving Is Not A Spectator Sport: How Will You Involve Your Au Pair?

by cv harquail November 23, 2013

Thanksgiving is a time when all Host Parents find that they need to get into the ‘Cultural Exchange’ mode. You can’t just plant yourself on Grandad’s Barcolounger hogging the remote, expect everything to unfold the usual way. And, you can’t expect that your au pair will feel as comfortable as this kitty (left) if her/his […]

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When a Host Parent Is Diagnosed With Asbergers, How Does This Reshape The Au Pair Relationship?

by cv harquail October 13, 2013

We’ve had some wonderfully honest, thoughtful and insightful conversations here on Au Pair Mom about how to manage relationship dynamics with Au Pairs who have emotional challenges or histories, and children who have cognitive or developmental ‘special needs’ — chronic cognitive or relational challenges that families need to support. But we haven’t even talked about […]

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My Au Pair Application Isn’t Completely True. What should I do?

by cv harquail October 8, 2013

We host parents absolutely depend on an au pair’s application to get an accurate and complete representation of that au pair’s background. Part of the reason why we use Au Pair Agencies rather than websites or Craig’s List is to have a professional (usually, a field person hired by an Agency) interview the au […]

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Is it a Personality Thing, or a Training Thing, or Some Other Thing?

by cv harquail October 6, 2013

Even when we don’t have enough information about the ‘real’ problem between a host parent and an au pair, the action steps are the same: 1. Check your expectations, 2. Talk with each other candidly, and 3. Give each other a chance to change. Here’s an email from a host mom having trouble: Dear Au Pair Mom Readers, […]

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Personal Time: Do Host Parents take it personally when Au Pairs retreat to their rooms?

by cv harquail September 16, 2013

It can be so easy to misinterpret behaviors — and to take offense where none is intended. Tone of voice, awkward choice of words, different cultural norms, and even the specifics of the ‘moment’ influence the meaning we extract from someone’s behavior. Wait, make that “the meaning we think we extract from someone’s behavior”. Even […]

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The Two Biggest Reasons Host Parents Push the Limits of the Au Pair Program

by cv harquail July 18, 2013

Host Parents in the AuPairMom community do their very best to follow the spirit and the letter of the Au Pair Program. Yet even the most honorable, rule-abiding host parents can feel pressure to push the limits of the Au Pair program. Why? Because — as designed– an Au Pair working according to the rules […]

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Does your Au Pair call you Mom or Dad, Ms. or Mr.?

by cv harquail July 9, 2013

Just when I was thinking there were no more new questions about being an au pair, this one comes across the digital transom: I’m a soon to be first time au pair and I have a quick question for you. What’s the best way to address my host parents? My instinct is to call them […]

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What do Host Parents think about Nanny Cams?: Au Pair Asks

by cv harquail May 8, 2013

It’s been a long time since we had our last conversation about Nanny Cams. We’ve had a couple of suggestions for a post about them, but I have always resisted. Only about 15% of host parent readers who took our poll back then reported that they even considered using a nanny cam. Personally, I […]

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