Communication

Thriving despite conflicts: 9 Rules of Negotiating with Your Au Pair

by cv harquail January 29, 2012
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One of the crazy benefits of being an au pair mom or dad is that host parenting gives us many chances to practice skills that make us better everywhere in our lives. Chief among the skills we get to practice is how to negotiate. By using conflicts with our au pairs (or even simple disagreements […]

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New Year Review: Reset Au Pair Expectations for 2012

by cv harquail January 7, 2012
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There are several times each year, and several times in each AuPair year, when it makes sense to reset your expectations with your au pair. The start and end of school, the start and end of summer, when there is a big change in your family’s routine (like the end of maternity leave), or when […]

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Please Turn Down the TV — Reasonable or Rude?

by cv harquail December 6, 2011
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We host parents often find ourselves wishing that our au pairs could just *tell us* when something is bothering them. We can only address things we know about– and if something is wrong and you keep quiet about it, the problem keeps simmering. This is true with bigger issues (too much texting) and smallish issues […]

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Interpreting the Lanugage of Lag Time: Emailing Prospective Au Pairs

by cv harquail September 27, 2011
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It’s kind of ironic for me to post a query about the topic of how to interpret the lag time between sending an email and an au pair candidate responding. As several of you with whom I correspond with on email already know– I can be “not very prompt” in my replies. What does this […]

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Uncommunicative Au Pair Turns Passive Aggressive

by cv harquail July 14, 2011
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I believe in talking things out when you and your au pair have challenges. Awkwardly, tentatively, enthusiastically, skillfully, however you can manage it. If we can’t share what we think and ask for what we need, we can’t improve relationships. That said, what can we do when talking doesn’t work? Sometimes our talk hits a […]

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What if Au Pairs came with their own “Handbook”?

by cv harquail April 16, 2011
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For every new host family, our #1 recommendation is to write a family handbook. Most of us here at Au Pair Mom firmly believe that getting our household rules and family-related expectations down on paper helps us be clearer about what is important to us as host parents, family members, and heads of household. Plus, […]

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Daily Checklists & Logs: Two examples

by cv harquail April 1, 2011
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A while back I asked if any of you had forms, checklists, or other organizing tools that you’d like to share with AuPairMom readers… and several of you (who are better organized that I) sent some in. Just a few days ago, I got a request from Talliecat: My friend has a very… shall we […]

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Wanted: Good (and Kind) Comebacks to Unsolicited Advice

by cv harquail November 28, 2010
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Dear AuPairMom Readers- I am a 40 year old mother of three wonderful and well mannered boys. I have a great marriage and love my professional life. As a younger woman I have had many adventures. I have traveled to many countries and even lived abroad. I have no complaints. So why, why, why do […]

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My Future Host Mom’s Sister is Creeping Me Out

by cv harquail November 28, 2010
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Okay, “creeping me out” is clearly an American idiom that I have supplied as a headline, but that phrase seems to capture the dynamic going on for this cautious au pair. She’s matched with a family, and getting to know them through emails, etc. before she joins the family in a few months. The family […]

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Our Au Pair Doesn’t Understand How Her Actions Affect Our Family

by cv harquail November 21, 2010
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A regular reader sent me a long email about traveling with her Au Pair over the Christmas holiday. This reader is one of those very experienced, very thoughtful host moms who takes pains to see all sides of a situation, before doing her very best to be clear, constructive, and kind when she interacts with […]

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