Communication

Choosing An Au Pair: Reading between the lines of an email reply

by cv harquail April 28, 2014

People tease me about the number of emoticons, doge gifs, and exclamation points I use in my email, but I refuse to give up on anything that might help me convey the feelings behind my words — and to avoid being misinterpreted. It’s happened to all of us, when we’ve rushed to reply, or we […]

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Do You Have Regular Weekly Meetings With Your Au Pair?

by cv harquail January 5, 2014

Some Host Parents swear by the Weekly Meeting as The. One. Thing. (along with the Handbook, of course) that keeps the relationship running smoothly. Weekly meetings have a lot to recommend them. Meetings that are: Regular Planned in advance Agenda driven Happen outside of the day to day rush or parent/au pair transition time — […]

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Does your Au Pair call you Mom or Dad, Ms. or Mr.?

by cv harquail July 9, 2013

Just when I was thinking there were no more new questions about being an au pair, this one comes across the digital transom: I’m a soon to be first time au pair and I have a quick question for you. What’s the best way to address my host parents? My instinct is to call them […]

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Cut Your Losses: When your Au Pair starts lying before she even arrives

by cv harquail February 10, 2013

Our conversation about “when you discover that your au pair is lying” could go on forever, since there are so many different situations in which a lie can be a problem — or something to gloss over. We lie (parents and au pairs) to save face, to avoid consequences, and sometimes to deliberately deceive someone so that […]

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What To Do When Your Au Pair Doesn’t Bathe

by cv harquail January 20, 2013

Some issues are just too awkward to talk about. But we have to talk about them anyway, because these are the very issues that keep host parents and au pairs from really connecting. We’ve hit some of these issues already– contraceptives, personal safety, swimming when she has her period (I told you they were awkward!), […]

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What is the right way to discipline your Au Pair?

by cv harquail January 4, 2013

“Go sit in the corner.” Over the holidays, someone told me that they’d heard about an au pair who was told by her host mom to “go sit in the corner” as punishment for doing something wrong with the kids. I was appalled. What did that host mom think she was doing, disciplining an au […]

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Start By Following the Rules: Au Pair Asks About Hours, Holidays and Discipline

by cv harquail December 29, 2012

97% of the time that something goes wrong between an au pair and a host family, it’s because one or both parties is not following the rules. Okay, maybe it’s not 97%. Maybe it’s just 95%. But in the vast majority of the problems we talk about here, someone isn’t following the rules. We got […]

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What if I actually don’t like my new Au Pair’s personality?

by cv harquail December 14, 2012

Personality matters, but we struggle to figure out how much we should let it matter. Au Pairs are caregivers, roommates, family members, and in the best of situation, they become our friends. But for some reason, many of us feel awkward making decisions about au pairs based on whether we actually like their personalities. It […]

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3 Tips for Cross-Cultural Conversation

by cv harquail September 30, 2012

When you and your au pair struggle to communicate — even when you both speak English resonably well– it can be hard to know whether the problem is “attitude” or “comprehension”. We see issue a lot in comments about au pairs who are given lists of tasks but don’t do them, or host parents who […]

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Choosing the Right Au Pair, Expert Advice from CalifMom

by cv harquail June 23, 2012

CalifMom has been a key part of the AuPairMom community since Fall of 2008. She was one of the first au pair host moms to contribute wise advice, regularly and generously, on many of the toughest situations. Every now and then CalifMom leaves a treat in my inbox — a guest post. Here’s her latest… […]

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