Can this relationship be saved?

Drastic Changes: When a Host Parent Gets Sick

by cv harquail October 16, 2011
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Two difficult challenges have hit my friends this past month. Last week a friend’s BIL slipped off a ladder, and is now in an intensive care unit coping with serious head trauma. His recovery will be long, difficult and uncertain. Earlier in the month, a friend’s sister was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. […]

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Longest question, shortest answer: Rematch now

by cv harquail September 12, 2011
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It’s hard to imagine that the long, thoughtful email, below — all 1600 words of it — need only two words in reply: Rematch now. I could probably add three more words: Don’t Feel Guilty. But I will leave it up to you, dear readers, to share other words of support with this mom. …. […]

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Query from Reporter: Any takers?

by cv harquail September 11, 2011
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We got a request from Annys Shin, writer at the Washington Post, who is looking for host parents in the DC, Maryland or Virginia area whom she could contant for insight about the au pair program. Here’s her contact info if you’d like to ‘help a reporter out’: Annys Shin Staff Writer, Washington Post ShinA@washpost.com […]

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Uncommunicative Au Pair Turns Passive Aggressive

by cv harquail July 14, 2011
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I believe in talking things out when you and your au pair have challenges. Awkwardly, tentatively, enthusiastically, skillfully, however you can manage it. If we can’t share what we think and ask for what we need, we can’t improve relationships. That said, what can we do when talking doesn’t work? Sometimes our talk hits a […]

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How Much Can an Au Pair Improve Sibling Dynamics?

by cv harquail June 28, 2011
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Each host family is its own self-reinforcing social system. Families have their own logic, their own climate, their own emotional rules, values, priorities, and patterns of behavior. Although the new person in the family/home means that everyone adjusts, au pairs adjust more to the family than the family adjusts to the au pair. Family systems […]

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Unbearable Fighting Between Siblings: Fair cause for rematch? (Bettina)

by cv harquail June 28, 2011
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Here’s Bettina’s story about her host kids… click back to the original post to discuss whether, if, and how an au pair can make a positive difference in host family dynamics. I’m an au pair in the US for 2 weeks now, and I really like it here. When I arrived, I immediately felt comfortable […]

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What if you Au Pair thinks your child might need professional help?

by cv harquail June 17, 2011
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Our au pairs get an up-close and personal view of our families. Sometimes they see things we don’t see, maybe even things we don’t want to see for ourselves. Because au pairs interact with our children when we parents are often not around, and they spend longs days with our kids, they may notice things […]

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When your Au Pair meets the Kids’ Needs but not the Parent’s Expectations: Ideas wanted

by cv harquail June 14, 2011
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Kids and parents want different things. Kids want to stay up, parents want to go to sleep. Kids want to make a mess, parents want that mess cleaned up (eventually). Kids get engaged in fun and learning, while parents must take care of safety, nutrition, and other not-quite-as-fun stuff. We have different sets of priorities. […]

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Au Pair Asks: Is it okay to call it quits?

by cv harquail June 12, 2011
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Dear Au Pair Mom, Hi, I emailed once before about an angry 11 year old and was wondering if I could bother you once more for some advice. I’ve now been here 5 and 1/2 months and I really feel like rematch is the only option now. I realise this is incredibly inconvenient for my […]

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What is your family’s Au Pair Selection Process?: Interviews (polls)

by cv harquail May 15, 2011

Busy Mom has been very busy, thinking about how to make the Au Pair Selection Process better. She wrote a long guest post, complete with several suggested polls. Because her effort was so comprehensive, it was a bit much for one post and one conversation theme. So, I’ve broken it down (and added some things […]

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