Can this relationship be saved?

My Host Mom Hits Her Child — what should Au Pair Do?

by cv harquail October 19, 2015

Au Pairs are very aware that they are expected to follow the parenting philosophy of their host parents. Au Pairs have to ‘get over’ cultural differences and differences in family tradition that suggest a particular way to handle a situation. Usually, Au Pairs draw on their own cultures’ and families’ parenting practices when they find […]

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Is Having Our First Au Pair Supposed To Be This Hard?

by cv harquail October 16, 2015

A brand new Host Mom writes to share her distress. Her Au Pair has been with them a whole two weeks now, and things haven’t fallen into place. Her toddler’s unsure about his new caregiver. The Host Mom’s unsure about how to coach the new Au Pair. The Au Pair’s unsure about how to […]

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Should You Tell Another Host Mom That Her Au Pair Is Planning To Bail?

by cv harquail October 12, 2015

“It takes a village.” That’s what my mom friends and I say when we talk about seeing each other’s kids do naughty things. In my bookclub we have a actual pact– if we see something, we say something. There’s a way that this agreement can feel kindof nosy. How can you tell Violet’s mom that […]

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When is the Best Time to Discuss Extending with an Au Pair?

by cv harquail September 22, 2015

When your family has found an au pair who really fits, and when an au pair has found a situation where s/he’s flourishing, the obvious question is — should we extend? Extensions can be a gift to both the family and the au pair. The Au Pair gets a few more months on the USS […]

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If Host Parents Can’t Respect Au Pair Contract Rules, Nothing Else Matters

by cv harquail September 16, 2015

For international Au Pairs/ Host Families Outside the USA There’s a hierarchy of requirements for a good Au Pair & Host Parent relationship. Much like Maslow’s famous Hierarchy of Needs, you can’t achieve the higher levels of a good relationship without the basics being there first. Au Pairs and Host Parents ultimately have different hierarchies, […]

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Dear Au Pair: Yes, You Should Feel Guilty

by cv harquail September 11, 2015

Of the five types of emails we get most often from Au Pairs, the most annoying type is when an Au Pair writes hoping we’ll resolve him or her of any guilt they feel over quitting. There are times when it’s absolutely okay to quit. To ask for rematch. To throw in the towel and just go […]

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Classic Case: Child Hits Au Pair, Cries a Lot, Parents Don’t Care

by cv harquail September 8, 2015

Here’s a situation that’s hard to write a headline for, and perhaps even harder to solve. We’ve often heard from Au Pairs who have host kids who hit, scream, cry, and throw tantrums. We’ve also often heard from Au Pairs whose Host Parents don’t seem to mind when kids behave badly. When these two situations […]

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Does Every Au Pair-Host Parent Relationship Deflate Towards The End?

by cv harquail August 25, 2015

In a world where most AuPair-Host Parent relationships are just “fine”, are those of us who’ve had terrific Au Pairs simply lucky? Or have we forgotten the hard parts –as we’ve forgotten the pain of childbirth, or the sleepless nights of new parenthood– and just held on tightly to the good? Truth be told, I’ve […]

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Why Extend an Au Pair Who Bothers You?

by cv harquail August 18, 2015

What We Think vs. What We Know This FrustratedHM thinks she should extend with her less than so-so Au Pair. But she knows that she doesn’t want to. Why is it that so many times we ask each other for permission to do what we know is the right action? As if someone’s going to […]

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