Can this relationship be saved?

Easy Patriotic Dessert for 4th of July –Au Pairs & Kids

by cv harquail July 2, 2016

Fourth of July picnics are the perfect time for desserts that feature the Red, White, and Blue, the Stars n’ Stripes, or your own combo of patriotic symbols. Some of these are marvelous, and simply too complicated. Between all the beer, burgers, and babies, who has time to make a fancy cake? Hence, I […]

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Helping an Au Pair Whose Host Dad Is Acting Inappropriately

by cv harquail June 26, 2016

(Reposting from its previous place in another thread:) Writes Host Mom X, I need some urgent advice on an uncomfortable situation, with a new au pair and her Host Dad: One of our au pair’s besties recently ended her year, and our au pair has taken that host family’s new au pair under her wing. […]

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Newbie Host Mom Totally Not Sure She Needs Help (She Does)

by Frances Scher June 22, 2016

Hi! I am Frances Scher, and I am taking a turn at the APMom mailbox. First up is a letter from a new host mom. Her previous expectations of the au pair program don’t seem to be lining up with the current reality. The au pair is not doing her job and following the […]

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Change the Family System, Not (Just) Your Au Pair

by cv harquail June 14, 2016

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” My neighbor says this all the time, when she’s trying to make herself aware that the problem she’s complaining about might have its roots in her own behavior. That saying came to mind to me, when I read the email below. Of course, […]

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How Can We Develop a Connection with our Socially Detached Au Pair?

by cv harquail June 4, 2016

The Goldilocks Conundrum Your connection with your Au Pair is too heavy, or it’s non-existant. Your Au Pair is either a homebody, sticking close to the house demonstrating little interest in the world around her/him. Or, your Au Pair is always gone — whether physically or socially. S/he does the job, and then disappears. We […]

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When Au Pairs Get Gravely Ill — Kindof Open Thread /Topic

by cv harquail May 23, 2016

Over the past two weeks there’s been a whirlwind of conversation and consternation in the Au Pairing community, over a situation with an Au Pair at Au Pair Care who’s been diagnosed with cancer. I can’t even begin to recap the steps and the facts, but they include that she was accepted into an experimental treatment […]

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Suing for Breach Of Contract?

by cv harquail May 18, 2016

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Apologies for being out of it this past week-– not to mention, avoiding any conversation about the controversy surrounding the Au Pair with the cancer diagnosis and her Host Family’s efforts to keep her in the USA for care. I’ll post about that in a few days. In the meantime, let’s vent about another contentious […]

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New Au Pair Has Whooping Cough and Will Be Infectious for Up to 12 Weeks!

by cv harquail May 9, 2016

Seriously Host Parents — can’t you send me emails about dilemmas that can be announced with catchy headlines??? Very rarely am I able to say — “I never heard of a problem like this before.” While I like novelty as much as the next American, I’m not happy to see this problem now. This is a […]

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Is Two Weeks Enough To Time To Know We Need A Rematch? When I say “Yes”

by cv harquail April 23, 2016

When a new Au Pair arrives and is clearly not working out, sensible Host Parents start thinking about rematch. If the Au Pair does something unsafe, dishonest, or mean — ask for rematch right away. With other situations, it makes more sense to give it a little time. You might think your au pair is […]

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Any Way to Change Behavior of an Au Pair Who’s Always Late?

by cv harquail April 15, 2016

What do you do when you’ve organized yourself and been clear about your needs, but find yourself unable to influence the behavior of your Au Pair? When communication or training differences pop up, we usually go back to the basics: Do you have a handbook? Do you have regular check-in meetings? Were you clear about […]

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