I fully realize this flies in the face of parental logic/intuition and I regularly get a shocked expression when I tell other host parents that I don’t factor childcare experience AT ALL into my au pair interviewing/selection process.
Keeping in mind our au pairs’ favorite joke is that it’s easier to get into the CIA than to make it through my interview process – why don’t I include childcare experience as a factor in my process? I guess the simple answer is that I don’t think more childcare hours = being a better au pair. There have been countless comments on here over the years from host families that matched with full time teachers with thousands of hours only to realize that they weren’t comfortable having only a couple of kids and no curriculum or burned out nannies or repeat au pairs that had countless volunteer or babysitting hours that didn’t truly love working with kids.
My first au pair had a ton of infant experience and was amazing with mine. My second had almost no littles experience but had a much younger sibling and she easily learned (from me) how to manage mine. But I think it was my third au pair that cemented childcare experience not being a factor to me.
Our third au pair was an ER nurse. She quipped that she “barely had enough hours to get her application approved” by the agency and yet she was amazing with my kids. Loving but firm, encouraging their independence but keeping them safe. An absolute natural. I was shocked when she mentioned her lack of experience because I had not noticed that when interviewing her and she was phenomenal on Skype with my kids (if you don’t do this already – start now!).
One particularly frustrating/hard day I apologized to her for it being so crazy and she looked at me confused. I explained “just that it was probably stressful today so I appreciate you taking it in stride”. She looked at me and laughed! Now I was confused. She said “I worked in an ER. I had a drunk guy hand me his friend’s severed hand one time. Your kids on their worst day don’t even raise my blood pressure!”
Now after getting the full story on that (awesome!) I realized that what she said made a lot of sense. Kind of like when high school students talk about how stressed they are and you chuckle thinking about how they have no bills or real responsibilities yet or when people that don’t have kids give you parenting advice – it’s all about perspective!
Think about your first real job. It was an eye opener right? You had to learn to communicate issues, advocate for yourself, possibly how to manage your time more effectively, manage interpersonal work relationships and maybe even work long hard hours. My au pair’s job seems like a cakewalk to candidates that have had real jobs before (direct feedback from the last 5 au pairs I have had). Now imagine if your first job ever had been halfway around the world in another language, eating foreign food and living with complete strangers. That is a huge learning curve. It is entirely possible to be successful in that scenario as proven by countless APs every year – it’s just going to take someone super tough and resilient and a patient family to give them the time to get there.
Now I screen for real work experience to figure out what their “normal” is and try and determine what their learning curve would be like coming to our family. I guess you could say I am firmly in the hire for attitude and train for skill camp.
Do you factor in childcare experience when interviewing? Work experience? Why or why not? Any other types of experience that you look for?
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I am screening candidates now after having our first rematch. We have already hosted several au pairs successfully so I appreciate this perspective. It’s possible we had only gotten lucky with our previous au pairs and my screening process could have been more rigorous. I really need to look for attitude/enthusiasm, compassion and work ethic. Thank you for the timely message!!!
We look for types of experiences, rather than volume of experience. I have a tween boy and a very loud, hyperactive 8 year old girl. We look for indications that our AP can handle chaos and mess without judgement. My older kid is very into video games and weird/gross things, so we look for indications that the candidate has a high tolerance for gross things and electronics time. My son is diagnosed with Asperger’s, so acceptance of difference is important as well. If she lists her favorite genre of movies or books as horror, then we might be on the right track. I look for APs who are going to be able to be friends to my kids before I look at any other aspects. My kids are older though, so our requirements are different than if we had young kids.
I agree a lot about hiring for attitude and general experience, rather than specifically for childcare experience (although I looked for preschool experience when my kids were toddlers). I’m interested to hear more about HOW folks do that though, because it isn’t always so easy. Texas HM and others – pls also share what you ask/do to focus your interviewing that way!
So as other have mentioned I look at their other work experience (this is only one factor I look at – not the magic bullet). First AP was straight commission real estate agent in big city (HARD) by day and reporter by night so crazy amazing work ethic. Second did conventions on her feet for 12-14 hours in heels dealing with drunk businessmen. Third ER nurse. Fourth did catering including setup, waiting tables and packing up so 12-14 hour days with big events on a regular basis and her energy level was amazing. Fifth and sixth did not have much work experience but still did fine (both German – my AP job is much easier now that my kids are older and AP largely reminds them and drives them). Current AP worked two jobs and was in school full time (premed). All that had jobs I mentioned said our AP job was a cakewalk. Even when I had three littles that were 5, 2 and 9 months! All perspective.
As far as hiring for attitude I ask lots of questions to try and get to know them – there is a couple posts on here where I describe my process in detail including all my email templates, I will see if I can link on here. I see how they talk about and interact with their mom because they will likely treat me the same way here. So if they are respectful and empathetic that’s a good sign. A great question here is “how does your mom feel about you being an au pair?” If she says excited I go “really?”. No mom is excited about their daughter going to work and live with strangers halfway around the world. It’s a great opportunity to see if the au pair writes off her mom’s feelings (she’s just a stick in the mud) or if she is compassionate (my mom is just worried and wants the best for me so I am telling her everything about you all and keeping her informed of every step of my interview progress so that she will feel better about me potentially coming to your family) – bingo.
I also ask who paid for their university – some are free so then masters or PhD less impressive than someone that worked 3 jobs to get through bachelors. Some parents paid fully and see how they talk about it (did they expect that or do they feel guilty?) and some completely work and pay their own way. Lots of personality/context from this one point!
I also ask things like are they a night owl or morning person, what did they do last weekend, how do they celebrate holidays – all trying to get an idea of their normal. An AP that wakes everyday at 7am on their own is going to have no problem waking at 630am here and getting my kids off to school and probably isn’t going to keep me up late at night so that’s big bonus points as an answer. I also (because I am not a morning person at all) look for someone that is very sunny so my kids get that warmth and spunk in the morning I cannot provide. :)
Try and think about what personality traits or skills you are looking for and then try to imagine where someone would learn those skills or what type of people have those traits and then spot them. I know, it sounds really hard but it’s easier than you think once you actually know what you are looking for. In college I wrote a “future husband” list and stuck it on my mirror when I had a bad breakup. Ironically 6 months later I started dating my husband (very against my type at the time) but he was almost every single thing on my list and I am 100% convinced that it worked out because I recognized what I was looking for instead of accepting what was in front of me! ;) As you can imagine – I did the same years ago for an AP. My “dream AP” list has the most important things at the top then bonus items at the bottom but helps me stay laser focused on the type of person that is a great fit for us.
To find out if they are a night owl or a morning person, I pay attention to what time they write me emails and check their profile. I have a hard time believing a person who tells me they are a morning person, but they write me emails at 2 am their time.
This! There’s a lot of clues you can get just from the interview process. Who they involve, what their schedule looks like, how proactive/organized they are, if they are timely for calls, what time they normally respond, how many and what types of questions they ask, etc.
Every one of my great au pairs has been a (successful) waitress or banquet server. One even worked in a group home for mentally disabled adults. None of this shows up in their “childcare history” – the group home had adults, not kids – but their ability to KEEP a job like this over time (NOT just a one off “I helped my uncle with catering a dinner once) shows persistence.
APIA has a section for “other work history” that will show this – even some of our 19 year old au pairs have worked as a server at a banquet facility (the type that does wedding receptions) or as a waitress at festivals in Poland or Sweden.
Childcare for kids near my kids’ age is good. But I LOVE my au pairs that have had “bad” jobs that they went back to, day after day, even after they had a bad shift.
Cultural Care has a section for other experience. I definitely value the waitress job that they held for 3 years. If they bounce around to different jobs, that tells me something about them as well.
Waitressing is great experience for dealing with 4 kids who all have different needs and priorities. Our best APs have had some kind of food service experience.
Yep, 3 of our 4 au pairs/bro pairs had waitressing/food service experience, and they all were hard workers who thought a day with my kids was easy compared to being on their feet and dealing with drunk or difficult customers for a long shift!
We have a 12 year old son and for the last few years I have looked for au pairs that have male siblings or cousins who are a similar age to my son. Through extensive questioning I have found many au pair candidates seem to want host children that are cute cuddly toddlers or are interested in having female host children even though they claim they are fine with a pre-teen boy. These au pairs wouldn’t be the right fit for us. I want someone who has an idea of what a pre-teen boy is like on a day to day basis. I do try to find au pairs who are happy and upbeat and understand that an older child often needs some space. So I look for an au pair who can keep herself entertained. I like to try to ask a few unexpected questions on Sykpe to see how the candidate can think on her feet. And, I do try to find a few common interests, my son loves to be outside no matter how cold it is so I look for someone who is enthusiastic about sledding, building snow forts and has no problem helping the family with snow removal if she wants to use the car for her personal time. My son is a dare devil so someone who is up for crazy roller coasters and ropes course gets high marks. Like the comment before you can train for skills but a good attitude/common sense is not something that I’ve been able to teach.
Yes, all of this. We were extremely lucky to find an au pair this time who prefers to spend her time playing Steam games. It is a beautiful thing to see her playing Steam games with my son and enjoying it!
If you had a male au pair, you wouldn’t need ‘extensive questioning’ to make sure they are ok with looking after males! ;)
I also don’t care at all about childcare experience. Our first worked the grape harvest and stocked grocery shelves at 4am so she could go to university during the day. Our second potted plants in a nursery and was a camp counselor. I much prefer work ethic in hard jobs. I can teach childcare. I don’t have the energy or the patience to teach ethics.
These comments are great!
When my kids were very little, I looked for the sweet doting types – someone that would be okay sitting on the couch and quietly snuggling a baby for hours used to be just what we needed.
Now that my kids are older, I want someone with high energy that can be on the go and get the kids out of the house and active throughout the day.
So my requirements for some aspects of the au pair’s personality energy levels have differed over time. But an au pair’s attitude, social skills, empathy and work ethic are all top priority throughout every phase of my children’s care and necessary for anyone living with us a family member.
Candidates can fake childcare experience.
I had very little experience and I believe I was a great au pair to 3 kids under 4. I had common sense, was as mature as I could be at 23 and tried my best.
If I were ever to be a host mom, that’s what I would screen for.
We have 2 kids (6 yo. boy and 5 yo. girl) and our daughter has a genetic condition that causes her to have developmental delays, intellectual disabilities, and is non-verbal. It takes a special person to match with our family because she needs to be watched closely at all times. But, we are on the “screen for attitude” train. In our experiences with APs (and with babysitters, nannys, teachers, etc.) we have always found that having a positive attitude is worth so much! No matter what their experiences were in the past, they were not with your kids and your family. So, whatever worked then may or may not be relevant to an AP experience in your household. We are always looking for someone who has an adventurous attitude about trying new things and does not need to stay inside the box at all times. We are currently hosting a Brazilian AP who had minimal childcare experience in general and zero prior special needs experience. She is AMAZING and has a beautiful connection with my daughter. I am so glad I didn’t let her lack of experience get in the way of a match with her!
I loved reading your article! I never thought about not looking at childcare experience before I hired a babysitter, nanny or au pair. You make a great point that it is all in perspective. Just because someone has not had a background in childcare does not mean they cannot make a perfect addition to your family. I also love how you talked about how someone may be very stressed around kids and easily frazzled while others, who have been through more difficult times will see it as a breeze. I am going to try your approach when I start looking for my next au pair. I am also very interested in that severed hand story!
LOL that story was the BEST! Gore warning – if you don’t want to read severed hand story stop reading here. :) The short version was two drunk guys showed up at the gate to the hospital super late at night, she and another young nurse drew the short straw to go shoo them away and as they were turning their backs to go back in the hospital one of the guys goes “what about this?!” and holds up his arm, hand missing at the wrist. The other nurse then fainted so my AP had to hit the alarm for the hospital staff and open the gate, quickly tourniquet the hurt drunk guys arm with her belt and as she was closing the gate back on the friend he says “wait don’t you want this?” and pulls his buddy’s missing hand out of his jacket POCKET and had to hand it (pun intended) through the gate to her! Once her coworkers ran out and got the drunk guy and hand she helped her coworker that had fainted get up and back in the building to get checked out! After all that I agreed that nothing my kids did the next day would ever (knock on wood) compare to that!
I also don’t look for childcare experience, or amount of experience, more for interest in and attitude towards children. Our best aupairs were those with younger siblings but not specific, other childcare experience.
One thing I always struggle with finding and assessing is how proactive someone is, how much initiative they have… and I found this is really something that can’t be taught. I think work experience (and what type of work), personality and, if they still live at home, family dynamics and rules (who does what job, what’s expected of the aupair at home, etc) can be some sort of indicator but I often fail to listen to the signals… (like the one who stated she was ‘tidy personified’ and it turned out she is tidy only under mum’s supervision and unable to teach being tidy to anyone else and later casually dropped into a conversation that her mum was still doing her laundry while at home – another question for the interview list!)
Lots of good advice above. I always joked that working on a farm would be the best preparation for becoming an AP with our family. Hard work, lots of mud and poop when the kids were little :)
I would also add that the AP candidates planned future career, while interesting and potentially revealing about certain aspects of their personality, is not necessarily relevant to whether they will make a good AP.
My recent rockstar AP who stayed 2 years is now studying engineering, his excellent predecessor is studying international business, and other great ones went into hotel management and social work. We had one great AP who went into teaching, but our absolute worst APs both wanted to be teachers.
(The absolute worst match AP we had actually decided while working with us that she didn’t want to work with kids after all – she was really terrible with them and clearly didn’t like any part of the actual job of being an AP – I think she just did it because her older sister had. The worst part of it all was that her grades apparently weren’t good enough to switch to nursing, so she ended up going to school to become a teacher after all.)
So basically, I don’t really care (except as a matter of generally getting to know a candidate) what they think they want to do with their futures, or if they even know for sure. I just don’t think future career choice necessarily has any bearing on whether they will make good APs.
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