How are host parents handling travel requests to “touristy” places from their AP during Covid?
We live in southern CA where the numbers are very high. Our AP recently submitted some time off for trips to San Francisco, Las Vegas and Dallas during January, February and March. We are not traveling or hosting anyone traveling (even grandparents, etc.)
Our AP doesn’t watch the news or seem to understand the severity of the Pandemic. Our response that we’re not comfortable with her traveling or having her boyfriend travel from a different state to our home was met with tears and anger. According to our au pair, we are the “only host family that isn’t allowing their AP to travel”…
Our son has bad asthma so our house rules will stay our house rules, but I’m just wondering how other families are handling this. I don’t want an unhappy/miserable au pair, but I also am not going to compromise my beliefs. — CovidConcerned Host Mom
I imagine that many host families and au pairs are struggling with travel-related concerns during the pandemic. Most au pairs sign on for this gig with the explicit expectation of travelling around the USofA.
Yet, right now, traveling to and from anywhere is exactly is how we infect each other. You wouldn’t know this by the number of people who are traveling though, because too many people are in self-centered denial.
Even for folks who are aware of how bad the situation is, the truth about how transmissible and dangerous Covid actually is seems too much for some folks to grok. If they haven’t had a bad case of Covid themselves, or know a grandparent who has died from Covid, or a teen who’s experienced myocarditis after a supposedly symptom-free bout of Covid, too many folks think they are immune. It won’t happen to them, it isn’t real, they can still travel, etc. etc. etc.
The ability of the human mind to create its own reality is astounding.
In my own city of Chicago, you can’t travel back from pretty much anywhere without a quarantine of some kind. I wonder what would happen if you asked your au pair to propose a plan for her travel, where she would take the necessary time to quarantine, how she’d do it, how she’d get tested before she came back into your household, and how she’d manage the vacation time. I bet if she did this, she’d discover that there is no medically ‘safe’ way to travel within her own time and budget constraints… at least not if she plans to come back to your home.
Imho, the only option is to save all her travel for her 13th month, when she would no longer expect to come back to your home, thereby relieving her of any need to care about your family’s safety. And, by her 13th month she might have gotten a vaccine herself.
Nobody’s happy about the constraints on our ability to go out and have fun…but almost all of us would rather constrain ourselves than cause illness, suffering and even death to someone else.
{ 5 comments }
To be honest, this is one of the main reasons we left the program in August when our last au pair’s year ended instead of taking the optional 6 month COVID extension. She was fairly upset with us about her restricted social life and lack of travel opportunities. I also was getting more stressed about her spending a lot of time with friends on the weekends (Friday, Saturday nights) during a global pandemic, even though she would say they were all cautious and quarantined with their host families. With elementary age kids, it was easier for us to enter a distance learning pod while we were working from home than have the stress of an upset au pair. I know not all families have this luxury, but I do think it is very hard for au pairs to face the disappointment the pandemic has created for their year of adventure.
I agree. No one is immune from Covid and the risks are unknown. Minimizing risk to the household until vaccination is available on a widespread basis is just a few months away. Back in March when the schools closed down, I laid down the law with my kids and our au pair. Her year was up in May (we only had a few months left with her) and she had many plans for her travel month in June. She repeatedly lied to me to go see her boyfriend and his SIX roommates! After the 2nd time I caught her in a lie, I gave her two alternatives: I could get her on a one way flight home in two days or she could find another place to live. She was packed and moved out later that day. I contacted the au pair company and told them we were in rematch and she and her boyfriend traveled all around the U.S. The general rule is that vacation time has to be coordinated with the host parents so you have the right to “veto” her plans. If the au pair is not willing to follow your house rules, you need to protect your family and minimize your health risks. Just imagine if she did infect you/your family. Would you ever forgive yourself? I have no regrets for “kicking out” our noncompliant au pair.
Our last AP left in July when her 1-year contract ended. We had matched with an AP from France in April and had expected her to arrive as the last one was leaving, but her visa appointment was postponed and then the visa ban took place. As a result, we have a match but have been waiting for her visa to be issued and the travel ban lifted. In the meantime, we’ve made alternate childcare arrangements, which have overall been cheaper than the AP program, but not as flexible.
This very issue of APs obeying house rules during a pandemic has actually helped me see our current childcare arrangements as preferable to an AP right now. I know our AP-to-be is upset about the delays, but I’ve told her that the restrictions on public gatherings and restaurants and other public venues would make her AP year less fun. I dread the kind of problem the OP described.
My elderly parents have health issues, including heart and kidney disease. They live far enough away that they stay overnight with us when they visit, so we didn’t see them for Christmas. I am worried about what happens long-term after having COVID, as well. So, no, I don’t think the OP is over-reacting.
I allowed our au pair to travel to his home country this fall. It was really nerve-wracking because the nature of trip (long airline flights, desire to reconnect with people and places he missed, etc.) made the trip risky, in my view. We agreed that he could go, but (1) we would not pick him up from the airport, and (2) upon returning to the house, he would immediately quarantine for two weeks in his room. We put a mini fridge in his room and left meals on a tray table in the hallway right outside the room. Because we are all working from home, we were able to make this work (basically an additional 2 weeks of now work post-vacation), but it was not ideal. He’d like to take another vacation, but I don’t have another 2 weeks to donate, so the answer to that one is… not until at least we are all vaccinated. I do feel incredibly guilty because this is not at all how an au pair year should go, but
I didn’t create COVID—I can only try to protect my family from it.
I allowed our au pair to travel to his home country this fall. It was really nerve-wracking because the nature of trip (long airline flights, desire to reconnect with people and places he missed, etc.) made the trip risky, in my view. We agreed that he could go, but (1) we would not pick him up from the airport, and (2) upon returning to the house, he would immediately quarantine for two weeks in his room. We put a mini fridge in his room and left meals on a tray table in the hallway right outside the room. Because we are all working from home, we were able to make this work (basically an additional 2 weeks of now work post-vacation), but it was not ideal. He’d like to take another vacation, but I don’t have another 2 weeks to donate, so the answer to that one is… not until at least we are all vaccinated. I do feel incredibly guilty because this is not at all how an au pair year should go, but this is where we are at this point.
Comments on this entry are closed.