Comments on: Your Experiences in Withholding Pocket Money

By: My 2 cents

My 2 cents — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 20:47:42 +0000

We too have been lucky to not have had an au pair that abused us financially. But we too limit our exposure to that by not allowing them access to things like our credit cards or our cash and, in the rare case when my au pair must buy something for the family, require production of receipts and the card that same day, or give her cash and ask for the change and a receipt. I have no idea what they have in their bank accounts and don’t really want to know, and don’t want to be responsible for accounting for reimburseables in either direction.

This all being said, we all know that having an au pair repay a $500 or $1,000 car deductible is difficult to say the least. Should I ever be in that situation, I’d probably do what some others on there have done and either stand there with my hand open on pay day to be repaid directly, inquire into her deposit with the agency, or just deduct from her weekly stipend on terms we hopefully agreed to. Fair is fair when it comes to financial obligations and I would find a way to be repaid regardless of whatever the agency had to say about it on official grounds.

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By: TX Mom

TX Mom — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:33:54 +0000

I’ve seen the spectrum of good money management and poor money management in AP’s. After one AP in the cluster left the country owing the bank $900 in overdraft charges another AP did something similar. As a HM I did my best to advise that AP’s can’t “run away” from debt. I even threatened it would impact an AP’s ability to get a visa to visit the US in the future. But honestly, I don’t know what the implications are of leaving the country owing the bank money. It seemed like one AP got the idea from an AP who did it “successfully.”

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By: Sara Duke

Sara Duke — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:33:02 +0000

Occasionally we have had an au pair owe us money for maxing out all the cell phone minutes (my husband and I share an account with the au pair phone – she gets the bulk of the minutes and the school calls her first when our medically fragile is too sick to stay at school). When an au pair goes over the minutes, we discuss the amount of money and how they want to pay it back — all at once or over the month. It doesn’t take more than 2 months to get phone use in check. (Our au pairs work about 5 hours a day on weekdays and occasional weekend hours, so they have plenty of time to text and talk to their friends.)

One au pair’s driving skills were much weaker than advertised, and our LCC said she should share in the cost of the $477 for 3 evaluative lessons offered by off-duty police officers. We met with her about reimbursement, and she wanted to wait a week before the reimbursement started so she could buy a laptop. I must say, I put my foot down. Here I was out nearly $500 and she wanted to buy a laptop (the $477 was money I had intended to use to purchase a new computer and could no longer afford to do so). I told her the laptop was a want, not a need, and what we needed was someone who could drive (because that medically fragile child has a lot of doctor’s appointments). She ended up accepting paying off her share of the driving lessons over a 5 week period (and then went out and bought her laptop). When she needed more driving lessons, we made her pay up front and then reimbursed her for our half.

Occasionally au pairs have wanted to use my credit card to charge their travel expenses, and I make them pay me cash first and then sit with them while they book their holidays. None have ever abused the privilege by charging more on their hotel rooms than what was originally covered.

By the end of their stay with us, most au pairs are fairly money savvy, and none has left owing us money.

It is true, however, that we only pay for 51 1/2 or less weeks, since their first week is spent in orientation, and their year often ends mid-week. We, too, start paying the stipend a week after their arrival.

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By: Ann

Ann — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:39:20 +0000

Well, this is just from my pont of view – the point of view of an 19 year old:
I think that 200 per week are okay for the aupair programm. we (the aupairs) do not have to pay for our rooms and also not for most of the food. honestly, most of the mony is “thrown out” for clothes, gas and nightlife.
I also had to manage all the things with my money and bank in my home country and I think that by the age of 18 (the age you are allowed to work as an aupair) you should be responsible enough. Aupairs should take care on their money all alone. They do the programm to become more independent and to become (more) responsible – and that does not only include the responsibillity on children. For most aupairs, this year is a start for a new time in their life. they often just finished school, when they come back home they are just about to move out from home, start at a college etc. I think it is sad that they still need someone to take their hand and lead them the right way. Honestly, it is truely pathetic…

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By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:41:58 +0000

We’ve never had a situation yet (fingers-crossed!) where we’ve been faced with our AP owing us money. Like NJMom, we have, however, had a few instances with our first AP (who had excellent money management skills) where we’ve lessened her stipend amount if we ‘fronted’ her some money the prior week for something special, like an out of town trip. Also, there were some occasions when I charged travel for her to my credit card and then she ‘repaid’ me by having it deducted from her stipend.
We do try to minimize our APs owing us anything by using a pay-as-you-go cell phone, vs. attaching her cell phone to a family plan. I want her to have a phone for emergencies and to be able to communicate with me, but 99% of her use is personal (and boy does she use it!). I just give her a small amount each month for work-related use and she pays for the rest. I do the same with gas – give her money to cover child-related driving & school, and she pays for the rest of the gas herself. If anything, I ususally owe HER money for taking the kids out to the movies or lunch or something!

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By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:32:09 +0000

We’ve experienced the lack of money management skills with 2 of our 4 au pairs as well. Our current AP got dinged with 7 overdraft charges in one month (I urged her to call the bank and they reversed out 2 and I covered another 2 for her, because I felt bad for her). However, I think she just did it again, judging from that tell-tale little bank envelope that came in the mail. I know they’re young and may not have any experience managing money, but I too wonder about this. Just take out what you need from the ATM and spend cash, vs. charging $2 at Starbucks!! It seems like some of my APs literally had NO MONEY left by the time their next stipend paydate came around. I know $200/week isn’t much, but I wonder, how hard is it to put away $20 or $40 dollars each week when you have hardly any bills to pay (just phone, gas and personal money – no rent, little food to pay for, etc.)?? I often think the agencies should include a mini “budget management” course in orientation.

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By: NJMom

NJMom — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:41:46 +0000

Amen to that. My AP’s usually work 25 hours and I have not gone too crazy when there is a school vacation day and they have to work an 11 hour day. It is rare and none of my AP’s have complained. I think they’re mature enough to see the big picture.

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By: CCDC Mom

CCDC Mom — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:31:12 +0000

It seems to me that many of the rules applicable to the program, including the money withholding, are in recognition of the skewed balance of power between the au pairs and the host parents. It is far easier for host parents to abuse the rules than in fact it is for the au pairs–the houses, the cars, the salaries are ours, and we pay the agencies who want us as repeat customers. Despite our carping, I think most of us on this blog are generally trying to figure out how to treat our au pairs well and with respect, including while navigating some tricky circumstances. With that in mind, in this forum I feel it’s sometimes of limited utility to state the rules as a black and white response to someone’s question. There are many instances where looking outside the rules is reasonable in my opinion, and I think what we are all looking for is a litmus test about whether our behavior accords with common sense. For example, 98% of the time my au pair works about 25-30 hours a week, far fewer than the 45 permitted. But if I have a horrific work week at some point during the year, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to ask her to work more than 10 hours for a few days and I don’t feel like an outlaw for doing so. Similarly, when we have reimbursable expenses for our au pairs, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to work out a system for repayment that could include a deduction from stipend each week. I think it’s a great idea to itemize as others are doing with Quicken, and I definitely think that it’s incumbent upon the host parents to ensure the deductions won’t leave the au pair without sufficient funds for the week. But while we must recognize our obligation to pay the au pairs their stipends each week per the rules, the au pairs and the programs should also recognize the host parents’ right to devise a reasonable plan to recoup legitimate costs and expenses from our au pairs. It is possible that by doing so a host family could be admonished by the program, but my guess is that, assuming the host family’s response is reasonable under the circumstances they will receive the benefit of the doubt (as they should, at least in my opinion).

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By: Busy Mom

Busy Mom — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:31:30 +0000

Mom of 3, we do exactly the same thing with Quicken, including providing the “pay stub” with itemization. To me, it’s the same principal as handing over the full amount and asking her to hand back the reimbursement. At the end of the calendar year, I printed a report for our au pair.

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By: NjMom

NjMom — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 02:52:11 +0000

We only withheld it when she asked us to as a way of paying us back for an “advance loan” for travel or something else special. When her mom came to visit she asked me for a month’s pay upfront so that she could have more leeway in entertaining her mom during that visit. I wasn’t thrilled but she was doing a good job so I did it. Fast forward to current AP who is EXCELLENT at money management and totally gets the concept of saving for a trip in advance. In fact, she’s probably better at it than I am! First AP was also good at saving but I allowed her to do babysitting (and a few light cleaning — shhh!) jobs on the side as she was a bundle of energy so she always had extra cash. So all in all, I’ve had AP’s with good money management skills so it is possible.

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