Comments on: Would you give your Au Pair a credit card?

By: NJnanny

NJnanny — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 20:52:49 +0000

I’ve had it both ways…

My last family had a card in the kitchen cupboard and I was basically told to use it for whatever the family needed anywhere the card would be accepted by me (it didn’t have my name on it, so some places wouldn’t take the card from me). For times where the card wasn’t an option, there was always more than enough cash. I never used the card inappropriately, though I used it often; I did everything for this family. I think it’s just a matter of honesty and character.

My current family is different. They put out cash for the weekly groceries, but it is almost never enough. When there is a deficit, I pay with my own money and they reimburse me at the end of the week. I never let my account get low enough for it to even come close to being an issue, but there have been times when I’ve had to lay out more than $50. There is no contingency cash in the house, so any extra thing has to be paid out of pocket. I guess it’s not a huge deal, but it’s annoying sometimes.

I found the situation with my first family more convenient and, consequently, preferable.

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By: CV

CV — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:53:02 +0000

Jem,
I think you’re right about how we can set up our au pairs to be too dependent, even with such simple things like unlimited groceries. The toughest part for most of us is when the things we do for our au pairs (out of some form of generosity) encourage the au aprs to be ungrateful. A tough balance. I’m so glad that your new set up and new AP are working out better!!

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By: Jem

Jem — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 05:02:40 +0000

We unfortunately gave our first AP a debit card. She used it for gas and groceries and we did not feel that she abused it. However, we ended up re-matching due to major problems with this au pair. In reflecting on our problems with this AP, we decided that we enabled her unthankful behavior by treating her as if she were our own child. She had her own car key and mostly her own car with gas fully paid by us. She could purchase groceries anytime on our debit card, no questions asked. Her appalling behavior of a spoiled child was ultimately a major problem. There was one day when she would have limited access to a car and she yelled at us, “You mean to tell me I am stuck at the house for the next 2 hours?” I do not need to recount the rest of the story, but this was shortly before her stay in our home came to an abrupt end.

We were therefore far more cautious with our new AP. Thanks to this wonderful website we learned a great deal and we wrote a family handbook with detailed information and rules.

We pay her with a weekly check. She is allowed to buy minimal groceries during the week totaling no more than 25$/week and gas as needed for work only. We reimburse her for receipts once per week when we write her check. We only pay for gas during work hours. She records her own personal mileage and pays us for her miles at the end of each month (currently about 15 cents/ mile) . She is completely responsible for keeping track of her own miles.

What a difference! we find that this new AP is so much more grateful to us even though we actually give her less in terms of money than our prior AP. We also chose not to give this AP her own car or car key. I think that if the AP has to make purchases with her own money and then get reimbursed for these, she is much more mindful of what she is buying. I think it is important that the AP not regard the HF as her real parents who “owe” her a debit card, credit card or a car. We would all like a responsible adult in our home and not another dependent or spoiled child. We have certainly learned our lesson. Our new AP is amazing !

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By: PA Mom

PA Mom — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:03:46 +0000

Sad story but hopefully not common. I let my AP use my card for gas (we pay for all gas including social so long as it’s not “crazy” – which it has never been with 4 APs), for food, movie trips with the kids, if she runs to the store for me or to get “extras” for the frig. If I can trust her with the kids, then a card (which I can monitor) should not be a problem. I have found all my APs to be very respectful of the card (as it’s mine – there is no long running temptation as it’s not always in their wallet). AMEX does let you add another user (my husband for example) and I’ve considered giving a card on my account to my mother or the AP but never bothered. I thought it would make it too easy to have things purchased that I might have passed by. Thanks for raising the issue as it’s good to think all the sides through.

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By: Franzi

Franzi — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 21:23:53 +0000

as much as i understand the argument that if you don’t trust your AP with your credit card, how can you trust her with your children. truth is, an AP has everything provided for her and additional expenses can always be payed in cash. is it more convenient to get gas with a credit card? yes. is it not possible to use cash? no.
can you pay for groceries in cash? yes.

i believe it is important to keep a close eye on the use of the card. after all, a misuse can result in you having some serious problems. asking for receipts or how/for what she spent the money is not something you should feel bad about!

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By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:40:39 +0000

I do not give our APs our credit cards unless I really need to and then I ask for a receipt. At first, I felt awkward asking for receipts because it felt like I was asking for proof that they didn’t steal, but I’m so over my self-imposed feelings of guilt. There is no reason, in my mind, that your AP needs your credit card unless she does something like the food shopping in which case you should have a rule that receipts must be provided immediately (don’t wait or they can forget and you will never know the better).

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By: Darthastewart

Darthastewart — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:01:25 +0000

We’ve mostly given our au-pairs a credit card to pay for gas for the car (I don’t want to get in and find it empty of gas!) It also pays for 1 visit to Mcd’s a week, and a few other things. It is a huge convenience for me. I DO check the expenditures online, vs receipts- and any time we’ve had an issue, has been symptomatic of larger issues and an au-pair that isn’t going to last.

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By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:44:15 +0000

I am the OP of the topic. I DID trust her with my children and my money and was heartbroken when that trust was returned by stealing. Not just my money, but my video camera, some clothes with the tags still on, a cross from the baby’s christening, a watch bought for DD4 in Paris, the list goes on and on. We discovered most of these things pack in her suitcase to go back to Bosnia, so she was slowly stealing from us from near the beginning.

I worked MANY hours (I’m a surgical resident) and my husband lives in another state (Military) so she was alone in the house 90% of the time. This gave her lots of time to shop (the kids were in daycare 6 hours a day to augment the time). I thought she was a close friend. We took her to Disney and on a cruise at our expense – during which she lamented how I had “lost” the video camera (it was in her bedroom closet)

It was our mistake that we didn’t track her spending. I took a quick glance and saw that the purchases were at the grocery or the gas station and I never bothered to calculate the amount she was actually spending or I would have known immediately.

In the end when confronted, she blamed us for tempting her since she is from a poor family. Apparently much of what she stole was going to be presented to her family as gifts. The money she took, I’m sure she used for her personal expenses since she never touched the money from her pay. She left here with over $7000.

By: Northern NJ Mom

Northern NJ Mom — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 02:50:05 +0000

We gave our AP a credit card as soon as she got her social security number. We placed a limit of $1,500 on the card but once she paid for a car repair that exceeded that limit and we ended up paying a $35 overage fee. I was disapointed to find out that the limit was not really enforced by the credit card company.
I fully trust my aupair and have not had any issue with her using the card. She uses it for regular grocery stores shoppings, Costco, dry cleaning, gas, baby store (like baby proofing the house items), car maintenance or anything else house or family related that we need.
The bill comes out to about $1,300 per month so I can not imagine asking her pay for these items with her own cash and then be reimbursed.
I do check her credit card purchases online every few days as I do with my own charges to make sure there is nothign fraudulant.
This system works well for me.

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By: cv

cv — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 20:40:30 +0000

Hi All, Just reflecting a little on the credit card issue. … I wanted to clarify that at least for my family, we’ve never had enough incidental expenses to make a card necessary (or even convenient). It has *not* been an issue of not trusting our APs.
I think that your paradigm re: your host family-ap relationship matters here… if you have a bit of an employee vibe, then a credit card is another tool you manage. If you have a family member vibe, then trusting her with the potential to spend a lot of money is treating her like a trusted family member—same behavior, different reasoning.
I think that one real issue with a credit card is that, in the wrong hands, it can cause a lot of damage. A lot more damage than letting her buy some fancy shampoo when she goes to get groceries. A careless spender, a selfish spender, someone who thinks you are wealthy and have extra to share, or an au pair who thinks she is entitled can get pretty far into your credit limit before you notice it on your statements, and may split before ever paying you back.

It’s another place where one bad apple makes everyone else more wary.

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