What We Think vs. What We Know
This FrustratedHM thinks she should extend with her less than so-so Au Pair. But she knows that she doesn’t want to.
Why is it that so many times we ask each other for permission to do what we know is the right action?
Maybe it’s that we each have a vision of ourselves as a Host Parent who can figure it all out.
We think we can find a way to get our Au Pair to pay attention. We think we can create checklists to help our Au Pair remember details. We think we can find a way not to feel resentful when an Au Pair disregards our generosity.
Here’s something I know:
It’s perfectly fine to say
“We’re done with this relationship.”
There is no failure involved when you say
“We’ve changed our minds. We’ve realized that extending doesn’t make sense for our family.”
When I read FrustratedHM‘s email, I immediately replied to her: DON’T EXTEND!!
What else should I have said?
Dear AuPairMom — We’re having a lot of issues with our AP. She’s a nice gal and takes good care of my daughter but she takes everything for granted and she’s VERY forgetful and argumentative.
We share a car and I work really hard to make her feel comfortable. We gave her our spare bike and I always accommodate her schedule if she helps me for a few hours on the weekend. I give her an unlimited data plan for her phone. We share many meals with her and plus I also give her $120 a month for buying whatever food she needs as most of my meals are vegetarian. I even offered her flight benefits that I get through my husband’s job.
I give her detailed checklists but she often forgets many things on a daily basis.
She doesn’t remember basic rules like “Don’t come home at wee hours if you’re working the next morning”
For the first 4 months she barely worked for 30 hours a week as I had daycare and we had help from the family. We are moving and we are very stressed out. One of the weeks, during our move, she ended up working for 47 hours and she made sure to point it out.
My husband is gone a lot and our schedules are all over the place. She always negotiates and I end up giving so much more when I need flexibility.
She also plays us occasionally and tries to push her boundaries with us. She has, in the past, created misunderstandings between my husband and I.
When I try to address anything with her, she cries and gets hysterical and argues pointing out how much she loves our daughter and how much she does for her.
She has been with two other Host Families before us and that should have been a huge red flag for us. But we were so desperate to not send my daughter to daycare that we ended up hiring her.
I should have rematched a long time ago. It’s time for extension and we said yes for 6 months. She’s filed her papers and I still need to file mine.
We’ve been having so many issues in the past week and I feel like I don’t want to extend. ~FrustratedHM
Half-Full or Half-Empty? Extending the “so-so” au pair
What keeps you hanging on to a disappointing Au Pair?
Our Au Pair Wants to Extend and We’d Rather Not
Image by Movement Six on Flickr