When you initiate rematch, can you ask your Au Pair to leave immediately?
When this question popped up over the weekend, I shuddered.
It brought me back instantly to our flame-out au pair, the one who announced on the last day of school that she wanted a rematch because she didn’t want to work weekends in the summer.
We were rather furious, given the long list of accommodations we’d made to try (in vain) to keep her happy. But worse, we were on our way the next week for a family vacation. Our outgoing au pair hadn’t planned to join us anyway, but when she assumed that she could stay in our house, when we weren’t home, after our ‘relationship’ ruptured painfully, there was no way in wherever we were going to let her stay. We simply couldn’t trust her in our home, alone.
Luckily for her, one of her au pair friends took her in for the 10 days or so until she rematched. But if we’d had to put her up for those two weeks? That would have been the only thing worse than what actually happened.
Unless you are in one of those really rare ‘mutual’ rematch situations, rematches generate resentment, anxiety, and discomfort in your home. It’s clear that you, the host parent, are responsible for providing room an board for the departing au pair for up to two weeks– she can’t be kicked out on to the street. At the same time, we seem to hope that there is somewhere else s/he can go.
If the rematch is caused by some kind of egregious behavior by the au pair, sometimes the LCC will find a place for the au pair to stay temporarily. When the rematch is ’caused’ by the host family, other host families/au pairs and the LCC often offer their homes as a neutral respite. However, it remains the host parents’ responsibility to see that the au pair is safely housed, somewhere.
Here’s the query from the original poster, Jennifer, and the start of the comments. Join in with your advice.
Has anyone ever told an AP to LEAVE? We will be telling her in a couple of weeks that we want a rematch and I would like for her to leave immediately.
She has been with us 2 months and we have had many issues in this short time. Our most recent was giving her a hotel room while we were on vacation. We agreed that a GF of hers could go with her. Apparently 2 men flew in and stayed with them the whole time. She drove back to our house a day early (we agreed to this but thought it would just be her and her GF). The men came with her and stayed in our house. She also had her boyfriend here over. I don’t think any hanky panky went on but she is not allowed to have ANY male visitors and no visitors without our permission. She has lied the whole time about it.
Funny thing is she keeps posting pictures on FB. I even befriended her last week and she still doesn’t get it. I haven’t led on to knowing anything yet. The story goes on and on… Anyways, I want her to stay until school starts, even though my boys are just watching TV all day because she can’t get off the internet but they aren’t quite old enough to be home alone. I plan on telling her the weekend before school starts.
I don’t feel that I can trust her in my house while the kids are in school. I think she’ll be pretty mad about it. I’ve already told my LCC the situation. She’s not really any help. Can I tell the AP to just leave?
West Coast Mom
That’s what we did. But … we had the support of our LCC, and had all of our back up care plans in place before we sat her down for the talk. We said something like: we are breaking this match, and you need to go downstairs and pack your things and call [LCC]. She was gone within an hour and we never saw or spoke to her again.
Host Mommy Dearest
With our agency we were told that housing the AP for 2 weeks after going into transition is part of the contract, but that we could chose to have her work & pay her, or not have her work and not pay. We chose not to have her work and since she hid or was out when off duty before transition, and we saw even less after we were in transition, there were only a few moments of tension.
If you are with CC – look closely at the contract. It actually says that the Host Family is obligated to house the AP in transition for up to 2 weeks (and here is the key) IF THE TRANSITION WAS INITIATED BY HOST .
This may not be verbatim from the contract (I don’t have it to hand, but will excerpt and post later). We successfully argued this point with CC re one of our APs – the only one with whom we went into transition. AP said she wanted to go to another family, and that was ok with us (after a long list of her issues – she expected me to cook her 3 hot meals a day, including weekends/off days, even though that wasn’t what I was cooking for our family! She thought we were mean and unfair making her get a state driving license (only cost was $40 for the license, and we were paying for it, and this was because our auto ins required that she have a state DL!) etc.) Suffice to say her expectations of the program and ours were not aligned, but SHE actually initiated the rematch.
So we told CC – per your contract we are only obligated to house AP for 2 weeks if we initiate rematch. CC will need to make other arrangements to house her after X date (a date 2 or 3 days from when we communicated this position- we wanted to be reasonable.). We prevailed.
Taking a Computer Lunch
I would look over your agency’s regulations (Google is your friend if you can’t find it easily on your agency’s web site). If the LCC is not assisting you, then go over her head. My guess is that you’ll need the LCC to come and pick her up. Why not have the LCC at the table, when you have that final meeting, so she can take her home from there?
I would suggest that her pattern of bringing men into your home when your children are not around and against your rules, makes her unsuitable for staying in your house during the two-week rematch period. Continue to build your case.
You cannot ask au pair just to leave, but you can ask LCC to take her in.?We had a situation like that – the rematch was because we discovered a big lie and we decided we cannot trust the au pair in our house anymore. With the agreement of the LCC, we asked her to stay her 2 rematch wks with her boyfriend (otherwise LCC would take her in but she wasn’t very eager to live with LCC).?In a situation like yours, where if she remains in your home it is unsafe, the agency should arrange a place for her to stay – usually with LCC. But read your contract fine print.
PA Host mom of Two Au-pairs
When I started to have problems with one of the au-pairs, I interviewed an American girl to fill her shoes when we ask her to leave, this way we didnt have a lapse in childcare. I wouldn’t even want to keep her for a couple more weeks. There are many college girls that need the extra cash before heading back to school in the fall
.?I would consider removing her now and since the LCC is not being that much of a help, have her pick up your au-pair and let her be the LCC problem not yours.
Ps: I would disconnect the internet before you leave for work, that she fix the problem with being on the net while she should be working! I would FLIP that switch!!!
I did disconnect the internet one day last week. It was really funny, because they were all calling me trying to figure out what was wrong. I’ve left it connected because she keeps posting pictures and I’ve been printing them out to show her when we talk.
Image: in the out door from ?NTHROPOLOGY