Comments on: What’s the cure for “Summer Fever”? http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:48:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Miscelanea http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-17576 Miscelanea Mon, 11 Apr 2011 04:13:46 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-17576 I work 45 hours every week no matter what. It can be summer, winter, fall or spring, I'm always there. Sometimes I'm sitting doing nothing for hours, just because they have hours left that can't be wasted :) They even count the minutes, one day I had to work 2.38 min (yeah, 38. Not 30 or 40) while baby was sleeping and mom and dad where home on a sunday. Talking about sucking the last drop of blood :) I work 45 hours every week no matter what. It can be summer, winter, fall or spring, I’m always there. Sometimes I’m sitting doing nothing for hours, just because they have hours left that can’t be wasted :) They even count the minutes, one day I had to work 2.38 min (yeah, 38. Not 30 or 40) while baby was sleeping and mom and dad where home on a sunday. Talking about sucking the last drop of blood :)

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]]> By: CV http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2210 CV Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:56:30 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-2210 Oh Momof4-- It's so great to hear that having a talk and re-setting expectations has helped to get your au pair and your relationship back on track! Hooray for all of you. It is especially great to hear how your LCC was able to be helpful. When the LCC can help to create a comfortable situation in which to discuss the harder stuff, and make sure everyone's expectations are reasonable, you know that you're really getting the support you need. Also, we all know you are neither bossy nor unfair-- if you get worried, check in with us again and we'll remind you that your a host mom, doing her best, and learning every day. cv Oh Momof4– It’s so great to hear that having a talk and re-setting expectations has helped to get your au pair and your relationship back on track! Hooray for all of you.
It is especially great to hear how your LCC was able to be helpful. When the LCC can help to create a comfortable situation in which to discuss the harder stuff, and make sure everyone’s expectations are reasonable, you know that you’re really getting the support you need.
Also, we all know you are neither bossy nor unfair– if you get worried, check in with us again and we’ll remind you that your a host mom, doing her best, and learning every day. cv

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]]> By: Momof4 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2208 Momof4 Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:23:41 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-2208 Just wanted to send an update. We had an emergency meeting with our Coordinator last week and ever since then it has been like we waved a magic wand. I truly believe our au pair just needed to hear everything from an impartial party, not me, the one she thinks is so bossy and unfair!! Our Coordinator listened to both of us, offered solutions and it was amazing how the tension and attitude disappeared over night. Our Coordinator explained to our au pair that our guidelines were not unreasonable (heck, I pulled most of them off this website since I am still a bit green at this!) and how it is important for families to have guidelines and why, etc. We also discussed why mutual respect is so important and why mutual communication is so important and how it can not just be one sided or this will never work!! Thankfully, we are almost finished with our trial week after our meeting andd all is well. We seem to have our old au pair back (the happy one we picked up at the airport and welcomed into our family with open arms!). I'm grateful to have the tension in our home disappear and pray it will continue to be pleasant. I'm sure we will have issues that come up in the future, but I'm hopeful with some better communication, everyone's needs can be met!! :) I've realized I am in no way ready for teenagers andd am grateful mine are still in the infant, toddler & preschool stages. They are hard enough!! :) Just wanted to send an update. We had an emergency meeting with our Coordinator last week and ever since then it has been like we waved a magic wand. I truly believe our au pair just needed to hear everything from an impartial party, not me, the one she thinks is so bossy and unfair!!
Our Coordinator listened to both of us, offered solutions and it was amazing how the tension and attitude disappeared over night. Our Coordinator explained to our au pair that our guidelines were not unreasonable (heck, I pulled most of them off this website since I am still a bit green at this!) and how it is important for families to have guidelines and why, etc.
We also discussed why mutual respect is so important and why mutual communication is so important and how it can not just be one sided or this will never work!!
Thankfully, we are almost finished with our trial week after our meeting andd all is well. We seem to have our old au pair back (the happy one we picked up at the airport and welcomed into our family with open arms!). I’m grateful to have the tension in our home disappear and pray it will continue to be pleasant. I’m sure we will have issues that come up in the future, but I’m hopeful with some better communication, everyone’s needs can be met!! :)
I’ve realized I am in no way ready for teenagers andd am grateful mine are still in the infant, toddler & preschool stages. They are hard enough!! :)

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]]> By: Anonymous http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2119 Anonymous Tue, 26 May 2009 13:11:16 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-2119 This is one reason I prefer 2nd yr or ext. au pairs. I know they are not homesick because they have chosen to stay another year and I have the ability to talk to their previous host family. They also seem to understand this is a job first. We have been lucky going this route so far. I would tell your LCC and your au pair you are consdiering a rematch now! This is one reason I prefer 2nd yr or ext. au pairs. I know they are not homesick because they have chosen to stay another year and I have the ability to talk to their previous host family. They also seem to understand this is a job first. We have been lucky going this route so far.

I would tell your LCC and your au pair you are consdiering a rematch now!

]]> By: Anna http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2114 Anna Tue, 26 May 2009 04:00:23 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-2114 I can't believe that your Au Pairs actually say, that they HAVE to have a day off, or that they get angry, if they don't get off more time than the usual one weekend per month and 1 1/2 days per week ^^ I'm an Au Pair myself, but I would never even think about being upset about having to work my 45 hours. This is what we all signed up for and what we knew would come from the beginning on. Sure, sometimes I am a little disappointed, when I have to work on a weekend, because I mostly get the weekends off, but on the other hand I will get that time off on another day. Apart from that I know, how busy my hostparents are, so I am happy to help them if they need me - even on the weekends. It just leaves me speechless to hear what other Au Pairs think they have the right to say / do ^^ I can’t believe that your Au Pairs actually say, that they HAVE to have a day off, or that they get angry, if they don’t get off more time than the usual one weekend per month and 1 1/2 days per week ^^
I’m an Au Pair myself, but I would never even think about being upset about having to work my 45 hours. This is what we all signed up for and what we knew would come from the beginning on.
Sure, sometimes I am a little disappointed, when I have to work on a weekend, because I mostly get the weekends off, but on the other hand I will get that time off on another day. Apart from that I know, how busy my hostparents are, so I am happy to help them if they need me – even on the weekends.
It just leaves me speechless to hear what other Au Pairs think they have the right to say / do ^^

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]]> By: NjMom http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2113 NjMom Tue, 26 May 2009 01:55:27 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-2113 Sorry, was responding to Meaghan above directly, not OP. Sorry, was responding to Meaghan above directly, not OP.

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]]> By: NjMom http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2112 NjMom Tue, 26 May 2009 01:53:49 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-2112 Sorry, but you are being completely taken advantage of. Read through some of the comments on here. I have two school age children and my au pair does laundry when they are in school (as most do) and cooks their dinner, eats with them and cleans up the entire kitchen before I even get home. Oh, and gets their homework done. Yes, they are supposed to be included in family activities and you are supposed to think of them in the scheme of things but first and foremost they are here to do a job not a vacation. Your LCC doesn't too swift if she's not asking for more from her. I would not wait for things to improve. I've had three AP's for a year and none of them ever acted this way! But I laid it all out before they got here, that it was a job and what the hours/expectations would be. Good luck!! Sorry, but you are being completely taken advantage of. Read through some of the comments on here. I have two school age children and my au pair does laundry when they are in school (as most do) and cooks their dinner, eats with them and cleans up the entire kitchen before I even get home. Oh, and gets their homework done. Yes, they are supposed to be included in family activities and you are supposed to think of them in the scheme of things but first and foremost they are here to do a job not a vacation. Your LCC doesn’t too swift if she’s not asking for more from her. I would not wait for things to improve. I’ve had three AP’s for a year and none of them ever acted this way! But I laid it all out before they got here, that it was a job and what the hours/expectations would be. Good luck!!

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]]> By: Meag;han http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2111 Meag;han Tue, 26 May 2009 01:04:10 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-2111 Hi I have two children 8 and 10. This is my first au pair from Germany. She has been here 5 months. At the beginning she was homesick and wanted leave. I sort of had to be her mother figure to turn the situation around. Not exactly what I had planned for. I wasn't looking for another child, just someone to take care of my kids and hopefully have a cultural influence. To make a very long story short, now everything is about her and not about my family. If I tell her something must be done before she finishes for the day, she either has an attitude about how I am ruining her life because she had plans, or crying, or door slamming or something. If I insist that she finishes up before leaving, then I have to go back and fix everything because it is an unacceptable job and she knows better. It is only getting worst. Today, she told me that she HAD to have the day off. I told her that my husband was away and that I had plans. I rarely get a day off from work. She cried and told me that she couldn't possibility work because she had a bad headache. I had to make an appointment with the doctor immediately. Then her mother called yelling at me that I was making her daughter sick. Her work schedule is about 30 hours per week. She never is willing to work a weekend because she always has plans and says the kids can stay by themselves. My coordinator keeps telling me to work with her. This is a cultural experience. Am I wrong to believe that she is working for me and my needs should come first. I am a very giving person and have a very hard time saying no, but I have reached my limit. I feel like I am working for her. How should I handle this mess? I have a very high level executive position and I would never let a person that works for me do this, but this program has me very confused. Is she an employee? She doesn't think so. Or is she a family member that can do what she pleases and I have to put up with it. How do you balance this? She is really upsetting my kids who will no longer listen to her. I really can't blame them. Also, is eating including in the hours works. She will get up in the morning and instead of making the kids breakfast, she will sit down and make herself breakfast and eat it. I am running around trying to get out the door and she feels I should feed the kids. I told her that she need to eat before she was on duty, but she informed me that she was told that she started the day with her having breakfast and it was included in the hours. This is same with lunch and dinner. She won't eat with the kids and then I have to feed them when I get home from work. I told her to get up earlier, etc. but she said NO. This is the way it works and what all of her friends do. I find this very hard to believe. My kids are not being fed properly. Is this right?????? Is she allowed to work when the kids are not home? She said that she was told that she can only work when the kids are home. So she does the laundry when the kids are home from school instead of helping with homework. Is this true? I thought with the extra hours (15 hours) she could straighten up and do laundry before the kids came home from school so all the time could be devoted to kids activities. What do you all do? Thanks so much!! Hi
I have two children 8 and 10. This is my first au pair from Germany. She has been here 5 months. At the beginning she was homesick and wanted leave. I sort of had to be her mother figure to turn the situation around. Not exactly what I had planned for. I wasn’t looking for another child, just someone to take care of my kids and hopefully have a cultural influence. To make a very long story short, now everything is about her and not about my family. If I tell her something must be done before she finishes for the day, she either has an attitude about how I am ruining her life because she had plans, or crying, or door slamming or something. If I insist that she finishes up before leaving, then I have to go back and fix everything because it is an unacceptable job and she knows better. It is only getting worst. Today, she told me that she HAD to have the day off. I told her that my husband was away and that I had plans. I rarely get a day off from work. She cried and told me that she couldn’t possibility work because she had a bad headache. I had to make an appointment with the doctor immediately. Then her mother called yelling at me that I was making her daughter sick. Her work schedule is about 30 hours per week. She never is willing to work a weekend because she always has plans and says the kids can stay by themselves. My coordinator keeps telling me to work with her. This is a cultural experience. Am I wrong to believe that she is working for me and my needs should come first. I am a very giving person and have a very hard time saying no, but I have reached my limit. I feel like I am working for her. How should I handle this mess? I have a very high level executive position and I would never let a person that works for me do this, but this program has me very confused. Is she an employee? She doesn’t think so. Or is she a family member that can do what she pleases and I have to put up with it. How do you balance this? She is really upsetting my kids who will no longer listen to her. I really can’t blame them.

Also, is eating including in the hours works. She will get up in the morning and instead of making the kids breakfast, she will sit down and make herself breakfast and eat it. I am running around trying to get out the door and she feels I should feed the kids. I told her that she need to eat before she was on duty, but she informed me that she was told that she started the day with her having breakfast and it was included in the hours. This is same with lunch and dinner. She won’t eat with the kids and then I have to feed them when I get home from work. I told her to get up earlier, etc. but she said NO. This is the way it works and what all of her friends do. I find this very hard to believe. My kids are not being fed properly. Is this right??????
Is she allowed to work when the kids are not home? She said that she was told that she can only work when the kids are home. So she does the laundry when the kids are home from school instead of helping with homework. Is this true? I thought with the extra hours (15 hours) she could straighten up and do laundry before the kids came home from school so all the time could be devoted to kids activities. What do you all do?

Thanks so much!!

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]]> By: Momof4 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2109 Momof4 Mon, 25 May 2009 23:29:17 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-2109 Thank you again for all of the wonderful comments and suggestions!! It is all very helpful! As many of you mentioned, being the mom of 4 under 4 (one set of twins!), I have to stay organized and consistent or chaos occurs very quickly and sets off a chain reaction of unhappiness with the children. I can totally relate to Jon & Kate Plus Eight and am constantly amazed at her way of keeping it all going!! I have a very type-a personality and am probably a bit more organized and structured than most would like, but I find that is what works in our household and keeps us all sane. My husband has a very laid back personality and a crazy busy job, so I "manage" everything on the homefront. We have always been able to keep a pretty good balance with everything though. I understand the language barrier can be frustrating on both sides of the host family/au pair relationship, so I always try to break everything down into what I call "see spot run" verbage so their isn't any miscommunication. For some reason, we still seem to have things fall through the cracks!! Our schedules can change at the drop of a hat, literally! For example, it changed twice within two days due to my husband's travel schedule being changed over this holiday weekend. Flexibility is an absolute must on the au pair side (and we were super clear about this in the very beginning) and unfortunately is a luxury on my part when making schedules each week. I do try to keep it as consistant as I can though when my husband doesn't have a busy traveling schedule. I also make sure our au pair has a 2 to 3 hour stretch of OFF time every day so she will have a break to relax, take a nap, meet w/friends, or go to the gym, etc. I do schedule our au pair 40-45 hrs a week consistently. One, out of necessity and two, so I can get a little bit of down time for myself during the week. I guess this month will count as our "test". May was a super crazy month and we needed the utmost flexibility from our au pair. We soon found that the lack of maturity showed it's true colors when we could not give her what she wanted or needed this month and for lack of a better word, we were disappointed. I'm also a bit worried, because we are about to drop $5000 to take the entire family to Disney for a week and I am praying she appreciates the vacation with us. We are not poor, but we are not a wealthy family either. We've already sat down with her and gone over a mock schedule and let her know things will be a bit "off" because we will be in a different location, out of our routine, etc. I guess this will be the next true test. If the lack of maturity continues after that trip, we will sadly have to reevaluate our situation and make the big decision on whether being a host family is the smartest move for us or if having a mother's helper or a college student this summer would be better for our situation. Thank you again for all of the wonderful comments and suggestions!! It is all very helpful!
As many of you mentioned, being the mom of 4 under 4 (one set of twins!), I have to stay organized and consistent or chaos occurs very quickly and sets off a chain reaction of unhappiness with the children. I can totally relate to Jon & Kate Plus Eight and am constantly amazed at her way of keeping it all going!!
I have a very type-a personality and am probably a bit more organized and structured than most would like, but I find that is what works in our household and keeps us all sane. My husband has a very laid back personality and a crazy busy job, so I “manage” everything on the homefront. We have always been able to keep a pretty good balance with everything though.
I understand the language barrier can be frustrating on both sides of the host family/au pair relationship, so I always try to break everything down into what I call “see spot run” verbage so their isn’t any miscommunication. For some reason, we still seem to have things fall through the cracks!!
Our schedules can change at the drop of a hat, literally! For example, it changed twice within two days due to my husband’s travel schedule being changed over this holiday weekend. Flexibility is an absolute must on the au pair side (and we were super clear about this in the very beginning) and unfortunately is a luxury on my part when making schedules each week. I do try to keep it as consistant as I can though when my husband doesn’t have a busy traveling schedule. I also make sure our au pair has a 2 to 3 hour stretch of OFF time every day so she will have a break to relax, take a nap, meet w/friends, or go to the gym, etc.
I do schedule our au pair 40-45 hrs a week consistently. One, out of necessity and two, so I can get a little bit of down time for myself during the week.
I guess this month will count as our “test”. May was a super crazy month and we needed the utmost flexibility from our au pair. We soon found that the lack of maturity showed it’s true colors when we could not give her what she wanted or needed this month and for lack of a better word, we were disappointed.
I’m also a bit worried, because we are about to drop $5000 to take the entire family to Disney for a week and I am praying she appreciates the vacation with us. We are not poor, but we are not a wealthy family either. We’ve already sat down with her and gone over a mock schedule and let her know things will be a bit “off” because we will be in a different location, out of our routine, etc.
I guess this will be the next true test. If the lack of maturity continues after that trip, we will sadly have to reevaluate our situation and make the big decision on whether being a host family is the smartest move for us or if having a mother’s helper or a college student this summer would be better for our situation.

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]]> By: Franzi http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2103 Franzi Sun, 24 May 2009 19:18:10 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/whats-the-cure-for-summer-fever/2009/05/22/celiaharquail/#comment-2103 i like hula gal's comment that the AP might be thinking about her own countdown until she has to go home and when you realize that the time is running out and then the family "makes" you work the amount of hours you signed up for...(ok, i'm being sarcastic, sorry, but i hope you see the point). if you have worked for 30 or 35 hours for 9 months and had all weekends off, it is difficult to suddenly be switching to a weekdays off schedule. i bet most of her AP friends have the weekends off so that would add some "missing out on the fun time" feeling. normally i would not agree with dorsi and schedule her for the full hours and then give her off because the AP wants to plan and if she thinks she is working the schedule she was given, it is frustrating to then notice that the family is not sticking to it. HOWEVER, with 4 little ones, i do think that you as HM have all right to have your AP work the full hours! i admire your management skills if you can make it with less hours. i like hula gal’s comment that the AP might be thinking about her own countdown until she has to go home and when you realize that the time is running out and then the family “makes” you work the amount of hours you signed up for…(ok, i’m being sarcastic, sorry, but i hope you see the point). if you have worked for 30 or 35 hours for 9 months and had all weekends off, it is difficult to suddenly be switching to a weekdays off schedule. i bet most of her AP friends have the weekends off so that would add some “missing out on the fun time” feeling.

normally i would not agree with dorsi and schedule her for the full hours and then give her off because the AP wants to plan and if she thinks she is working the schedule she was given, it is frustrating to then notice that the family is not sticking to it.
HOWEVER, with 4 little ones, i do think that you as HM have all right to have your AP work the full hours! i admire your management skills if you can make it with less hours.

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