Comments on: Using Your Car is a Privilege, not an Entitlement: Best practices

By: anonthistime

anonthistime — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 15:38:07 +0000

TACL – that is exactly why we’re waiting. We don’t want her to 1) not see that this is serious since we are awaiting this whole insurance (potential) fiasco and 2) to make sure we follow insurance guidelines if they want us to put her into driving classes. I mean, what if she does something similar before we even find out if the other guy is making a claim?

More info just as an FYI because it does color our perception of the situation: a few days earlier she thought someone had brushed our car door, there were a few scratches but we’re not sure that they weren’t there before. That instance we were fine with, but what if she brought it to our attention because she did something then and this one there was no way she could have blamed someone else due to angles? I do trust that she told the truth both times, but there are those “what ifs” that come up when something larger happens.

I wish I didn’t even have to think that maybe she was parked too close that other time as well, but those darn brains making connections that sometimes don’t exist…

She has a class tonight (not required for the program) and I think we’ll let her drive today, but will let her know that it is important that she parks far away from any other car and that it is only because this was scheduled before the parking lot (i hate the word) accident and I don’t have time to bring her because it is when I’m preparing dinner.

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By: Taking a Computer Lunch

Taking a Computer Lunch — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 12:54:45 +0000

Personally, when a HP witnesses or suspects that something an AP did inappropriately contributed to an accident, I think it’s okay to suspend driving privileges, even if it’s just for a few days or weeks. It allows the HP to cool off and the AP sees that the HP takes it seriously. When a HF has to absorb extra costs in insurance or repair, it is a big deal. There are plenty of things to distract young drivers besides cell phones, and if we, as HP, brush it off, then we’re sending a message to APs that it’s okay — but we’re also sending a message to our kids that it’s okay.

My son is now old enough to be counting the few years he left to get a learner’s permit. I want him to understand that driving is a privilege, not a right. (My APs generally have watched their friends beg for the privilege of driving the family car, so they quickly understand that having access to a car is a privilege.)

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By: Should be working

Should be working — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:12:13 +0000

Question: Why are you waiting to see if the other party makes a claim before letting her drive again or proceeding to whatever the next step will be? It doesn’t make her a better or worse driver if the other party does or does not contact insurance. Or maybe there is something I don’t realize about insurance rules in such an instance.

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By: anonthistime

anonthistime — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 02:39:01 +0000

I think that is what we’ll do. She’s been with us just around 2 months, and in our handbook we indicate that we’ll split the costs after she’s been with us for 60 days (so we don’t invest money/time into something if things aren’t going well, since we don’t require a driver), so we’re at that point anyway. She read and agreed to the handbook before we did the second interview, so now we’re just going to go forward with it. She hasn’t had any issues with not driving since this happened. She did ask once, and she seemed like she understood why we were waiting on the insurance claim thing.

Our state allows them to drive for 6 months before needing to get a state license, which is why we do the 60 days before we split the cost for a driving class and such. She has gone driving with us many times, and actually drove back from a play date that day (I was in the car). I don’t feel she’s a bad driver, but I can’t help but wonder if she was texting or if her phone vibrated when she was parking because she hit the gas twice when she was trying to reverse.

As for the other posts – yes, she doesn’t need to go to many places, but to be happy where we are, driving would be benficial, though not required. Once summer comes along, walking to the store (10 minute or so walk), where you can also find an ice cream shop, fast food, hair dresser, etc, will not be a possibility, so I’d like for her to be able to drive, but not if she doesn’t see that this crash as something that is likely to affect us for many years to come (we have had no other claims on cars in the 7+ years HD and I have had insurance together).

Also, she was hoping to take a college class this summer that isn’t at our “near” college (25 minute drive instead of a 5 minute drive) and I don’t want to wonder 4 times a week for 6 weeks this summer if she’s driving responsibly, when before the worry was whether or not she’d get lost

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By: Taking a Computer Lunch

Taking a Computer Lunch — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 16:17:47 +0000

One other question – does this German AP have an American driver’s license? While we don’t require it of APs who do not intend to extend with us — and it is not required by our state — we do encourage it (and reimburse the AP for every step of the process). It is a good benchmark for understanding English, for conveying a common sense attitude toward the rules of the road (and for our minivan — demonstrating a knowledge of moving a larger vehicle through space).

While my family is generally extremely generous and provides an “AP car” (and rarely make claims on its use) – if an AP doesn’t pass the HD driving test, she doesn’t get to use the car AT ALL (not even to drive HK around) until she improves. And the one time that happened we put a lot of pressure to bear because we require a driver.

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By: JJ host mom

JJ host mom — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 23:04:09 +0000

Wow, she sounds exactly like the au pair we just went into rematch with.

anonthistime, our au pair just crashed our car and caused $8K worth of damage. Our insurance premiums went up about $600 a year. Luckily for us (unluckily for them) the party she hit seems like they didn’t have insurance because they took off without getting any of her information. So they’re unlikely to press charges. Otherwise our insurance premiums would likely have gone up even higher. So yeah, if you can just fix it without going through insurance, definitely do that.

You could ask her to pay for at least one driving lesson so that a neutral third party can evaluate her driving skills.

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By: Taking a Computer Lunch

Taking a Computer Lunch — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 22:00:30 +0000

Our community has a private driving school run by off-duty police officers. When one AP hit another car backing out of a pull-in parking space, we shared the cost of 3 2-hour sessions with her (we require a driver and it was that or rematch). After the last session, DH had a serious talk with the officer (who had been with her for all three sessions). While no driver has a bubble to prevent an accident from occurring, a good tester should be able to determine whether the AP is a distracted driver and likely to make mistakes.

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By: Emily

Emily — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 20:59:32 +0000

When we had our mediation meeting, our last aupair expressed a LOT of anger toward the following. She gave me the “death” stare the entire time.
1. we asked her to not drive in the snow or when it is icy out. She said she could drive in the snow and on ice safely back in her home country (Ukraine). She also thought we had to accept all risks of her having an accident since she was our aupair.
2. we asked her not to drive one time when we were getting 2 inches of rain.
3. we ask her to be careful when driving in the rain. She said we should just let her take the car whenever she wanted and say nothing to her.
4. we asked her to carpool with other aupairs and take turns driving when going to aupair meetings.
5. After she hit the island that holds the gas pumps at the gas station and put a 2-foot dent on our car, I told her the accident was all her fault. (she claimed she has never had a car accident on her profile, among other lies, on greataupair.com after our rematch)
6. we told her we would sometimes need our second vehicle (the one she used) on the weekends (before 3pm) while a first car is in the shop (we hit a deer). It had $7000 worth of damage and was in the shop for about a month.
Needless to say, she is no longer with us. Not only was she not good with our children (main reason to rematch), the entitlement that she had was unbelievable.

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By: Dorsi

Dorsi — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 06:15:55 +0000

I am a little skeptical of the “we can drive her where she needs to go” — Other than class and cluster meetings, APs don’t need to go anywhere. This seems like a bad start that could make you really resentful. Maybe you don’t live in a place where the APs are physically close, or there is public transit, but I would seriously consider helping her find alternative transportation options, other than you shuttling her around.

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By: anonthistime

anonthistime — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 02:33:27 +0000

Thanks. I think we will look into some driving classes. She’s from Germany, I felt confident in her skills. I’m not sure if she was distracted or what, but either way, to ensure she can get around, I’d like her to be able to continue to drive, but she’s 20 and you can imagine the rate increase if the other people make a claim. We most likely won’t have insurance cover our damage because the damage can probably be fixed in under the deductable amount. If we planned to do AP for a few more years we’d buy a cheap car and do an individual insurance for AP, but honestly this is a 2 year stint while I finish up a few things-career-wise, and then we move to another country. It just isn’t worth the investment in a 3rd car for 2 years max of having an AP.

We didn’t consider rematch at all – she’s excellent in 90 percent of what she does, but last year the bus line by our house was cut so to get anywhere she has to either be dropped off at the bus line a 2-3 minute drive away (20 minute walk due to stop lights), etc. We’re 5 minute drive from all the major needs, but not close enough to any other AP family so not driving for her would mean she’d be less satisfied and I’m sure that would show up in her attitude with the kids, etc…

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