Comments on: Tough Topic: When your au pair steals from you

By: Scott McDicken

Scott McDicken — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 12:49:05 +0000

Fat chance on finding a Job in the role he’d love to have; as when asked for references this individual can not provide any.. Now theres a surprise.. I wonder why!?

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By: Scott McDicken

Scott McDicken — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 12:47:02 +0000

We had a student come and stay in our house who advertises his services as being a tidy, clean & perfect Au Pair or Career. He’s even, as I probably write this out there presumably looking still looking for a Job.

My mother let this individual into our family home and received the nightmare tenant from hell as a result, at first he seemed very charming. But then when we started to notice things going missing and his wanton destruction in and around the property in General he was asked to leave (eviction). He then even refused to leave. We had to then contact the police to remove him from our home. Presumably this individual enjoys Caring Roles so he can then gain access to your house, then when you leave them alone with the children or house sitting, he can then proceed to rifle through your belongings at leisure and then steal what he likes on the oft chance you wouldn’t notice.

There really are some incredibly unpleasant snakes out there!

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By: HRHM

HRHM — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 08:07:11 +0000

Having been burned on this in the worst possible way – I suggest you start the rematch now. She’s an adult who despite all possible cultural differences, knows what stealing is and knows that those things weren’t hers to take/give away. She knew what she was doing was wrong the first time and if there was any doubt, she REALLY knew it the 2nd time. It’s not kleptomania (since her thefts serve a purpose – no compulsion) but rather a sense that either a)you are rich and won’t miss what she takes or b) she deserves to take these things because of how hard she works and how little she reaps from being your AP. In our case, my biggest mistake was not calling the police and filing charges when it came out what she was doing. If you can’t trust her not to violate your personal property, how can you trust her to be alone with your kids? (and by the way, after ours was sent home for stealing, our 5 year old told us how she was forcing them to overeat and making up stories to scare her into doing what she wanted – case in point)

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By: PippaMaus

PippaMaus — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 06:31:05 +0000

I just last week caught our au pair stealing little items from us, confronted her, and then caught her the next day stealing more. AP was preparing a package to send home for Christmas. The top of the box was open and I immediately recognized that she had taken an Amazon blue fabric gift bag to fill empty space in the box. It took a split second for me to recognize the item and AP to know I’d seen it. Before I said anything, she volunteered out of the blue that her mother had sent it to her. I was a little annoyed that she had just lied, but recognized that she was on the spot and her instinct might have been to lie to protect herself. Who hasn’t done that? Later I went to her and explained that I regularly use (and reuse) the bag for oddly shaped presents that can’t be wrapped, said that I understood she probably didn’t know it was valuable to me, and that if she wanted to use something to ask me first. I emphasized I wasn’t upset, but wanted to be clear that she needed to ask before taking. She removed it from the box and returned it to me and then said she needed to ask about one other thing. She showed me a gift box she had taken to use for the au pair meeting gift exchange. It happened to be a family heirloom from my husband’s childhood. I thanked her for telling me, offered her three other options for packing the present, and reinforced that she can’t know what’s valuable or not and so should always ask first before taking something. I thought the issue was dealt with.

After work the next day I entered APs room to retrieve the ringing family phone. The package she was preparing to send home was wide open on her bed and I immediately recognized a number of other items that belonged to me–not high value items, but meaningful to me. A christmas stocking my grandmother made me. A decorative box I’d placed in APs room to hold office supplies. An assortment of christmas cards she’d taken from my collection. A selection the loveliest fabric ribbons from my ribbon box. Since she was away for the evening at a basketball game with two other au pairs (using very pricy tickets we’d gladly given her) I left a note on the box stating she’d taken things that were valuable to me and we needed to talk. The next morning she returned the christmas stocking, asking if that was what I’d meant, but not the box or cards or ribbons. She cried and apologized and said there was no excuse. I expressed my anger and frustration that she had stolen, had lied, and then had stolen again AFTER I talked to her about not taking things without asking. I demanded that she return everything she had not purchased with her own money, ribbons, cards and box included. She protested that since the box was in her room she thought it was ok to use. She asked if I wanted to see everything in the box. I declined and said I trusted her to fix the problem. AP said she understood that she had broken our trust, and felt awkward. I assured her that I was angry but in time I would calm down and that we clearly needed to improve our communication.

A week later, I don’t that I did the right thing. On the one hand, the items were not particularly valuable and might, in a stretch, be viewed as “consumables,” and I have made and forgiven greater mistakes. On the other hand, my trust has been violated, and I am now hyper-vigilant and somewhat uncomfortable leaving her alone in the house. I absolutely do not trust her judgement about what is community property and what is not. And I find myself being retrospectively annoyed about her purchasing personal items (mostly junk food) with family grocery money. Which just seems petty. And wondering if the toddler’s swimsuit disappearing the day AP didn’t get much sleep and then reappearing the next day in a place I had searched thoroughly was a coincidence or was deliberate. Which just seem paranoid. I thought I would forgive and forget, but so far I’m still fuming. Is the problem mine (I’m being petty and paranoid) or serious enough to send the AP packing?

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By: Soccer Mom

Soccer Mom — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 03:59:53 +0000

We get our AP card through Am Ex and you can set the credit limit online (and track it online) for each card on the account. I am not sure how other cards’ offerings compare. If you spend like we do on groceries and your AP does the shopping, besides the trackability and convenience, we like the points we get with a credit card instead of cash. At one point we got 5% cash back for cred card purchases for groceries, gas & pharmacy. It adds up.

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By: Should be Working

Should be Working — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 00:34:48 +0000

I like the idea of getting a credit card with a very low limit for the AP. It is in my view MUCH more trackable, because honestly I’m not going to look through a pile of receipts, but I can look online at a statement much more easily.

Also, in case of emergency (car battery dies?) she has access to more money than I leave her, which is usually about $20.

Can you just request a very low limit on the card?

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By: PA HOST mom of TWO Au-Pairs

PA HOST mom of TWO Au-Pairs — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 17:18:37 +0000

When I stated about me giving her my credit card it was a visa check and after she returned home from the grocery store, I would ask her to place it on the kitchen countertop. As I was able to pick it back up after each time I sent her to the store. I trusted her enough to purchase some needed grocery. I wouldnt give her the card to keep during here stay here to freely use. I just didnt think she would add things to my card that she wanted.

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By: Soccer Mom

Soccer Mom — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:02:48 +0000

I am surprised that we are so in the minority on getting a credit card for our AP. We set the credit limit on the card we get for her to $250. She has no idea what the limit is – we have no reason to discuss it with her, but she would be denied if she tried to make a big purchase. Not only can we log on to our account and track her purchases, but we get an email to HD’s Blackberry if she approaches the limit. We feel like we have more control over how and where money is going instead of leaving a bunch of cash for groceries, gas, kids’ prescriptions, etc. I like the idea of gift cards, but then we need to buy many different cards to cover all the different places she may need to go, and then she would probably end up having access to more than $250 in less trackable money, and we would have trouble replenishing the gift cards all the time.

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By: Mom23

Mom23 — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 22:12:33 +0000

We leave everything in our manual. The binder has pockets and we keep an envelope with cash. Another envelope has the zoo, museum and library cards, as well as copies of medical cards. The au pair puts in receipts, and then subtracts the amount from the total. I look it over once a week and add money. I generally put in $100/week — it is for gas, outings, groceries, occasional treats, etc.

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By: MTR

MTR — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 21:37:16 +0000

WOW, great idea. My AP right now has our library card, museum membership card, and some other things, but they are in her wallet. If we need them we need to tell her in advance to leave them for us. And is she is gone for the weekend and we decide to go to the museum on Sunday we are out of luck.

I should think about implementing something like this.

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