Comments on: Took the car for the weekend & lied: Should I report car stolen?

By: Dorsi

Dorsi — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 04:01:43 +0000

@ Chav You know, most of the families are under the impression that our agency fees pay for transportation to and from the host country.

@ Franzi It is nice to think that we are all the same, but immigration policy does not treat us all the same. If someone wants to illegally live in the US it matters a lot where you are from. Someone from Western Europe can come to America (and live here forever, illegally) just for the price of a plane ticket. This is not true for many other countries.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: Ann from NE

Ann from NE — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 22:19:02 +0000

Re: AP deposits/bonuses. Our first AP, from Eastern Europe, had to pay an approximately $900 or $950 application fee to apply to the program, only half of which she got back from the agency at the end of the year for successful completion. That’s a huge amount of money for where she comes from, I presume requiring her family to take huge loans. We voluntarily repaid her the other portion (that the agency was not going to reimburse) to “ease the pain.” for her.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: NoVA Host Mom

NoVA Host Mom — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:11:04 +0000

TY! And just what I needed as a pick-me-up on a day when random morning sickness hit (I am 8 months pregnant). Now I am smiling!

Like or Dislike: 0

By: NoVA Host Mom

NoVA Host Mom — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:09:46 +0000

Allison, good relationships are two way streets, so it needs as much effort on the part of the AP as it does the HF. In this case, only 1 side is giving. But otherwise I agree that it is best to keep a good relationship right to the end.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: Allison

Allison — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:26:06 +0000

Dear Anonymous,

That shouldn’t be happening to such a nice HF like you.
I’m sorry to hear that.
I agree with you that the HF-AP relationship should be maintained on a good note no matter what even when the AP is leaving in 1.5 week.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: JJ

JJ — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:18:33 +0000

NoVa Host Mom, for what it’s worth, I think you provide a very balanced perspective and really appreciate your posts.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: franzi

franzi — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:55:03 +0000

thanks for giving us the rest of the story! i think you are a very generous and understanding host. personally, i don’t think i would have had the calmness in me to handle the situation the way you did. i know several APs who were “dumped” on the street by their host family from one second to the next and seeing that this was a possibility in this situation, i really appreciate your approach to the situation.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: anon

anon — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:51:15 +0000

Our first au pair took the car for an overnight stay at a friends house close to our home, we do not allow overnight use of the car normally and this was an exception we made after she promised the car would be parked at a friends house all night.
She brought the car back the next morning with roughly 250 miles driven on it, a completely scratched right side (looks like she drove it alongside a wall) costing about $3-4K to repair, and on top of it lied about how/what happened.
Our second Aupair took the car for personal use and was “just looking for something on the floor”, caused a fender bender, we were sued by the other driver and had to appear in court several times etc. …having to take vacation days I might add on top of everything else.
My point here is….worst case scenarios are not so unlikely…if it were me, she would have had to come back immediately, within 5-6 hours, or I would have gone to DC to get the car…she could have then figured out how to get back, pick up her things and stay with the LLC. I know it sounds harsh, but once you have to pay for repairs of this magnitude, appear in court etc. you might think otherwise.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: CV

CV — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 11:36:07 +0000

OP-

Thank you SO MUCH for giving us “the rest of the story”– so often we talk about the problem but don’t get a chance to reflect together on how the solution(s) played out, so this is much appreciated.

From a really big picture perspective, the whole personal use of the car issue is the #1 source of confusion, frustration, privilege and advantage-taking for host parents and au pairs. It’s almost crazy how often a car is involved in a host parent-au pair relationship issue…. which says something interesting about american culture, american neighborhoods, and universal issues of maturing. Onwards… we’ll figure this all out eventually! cvh

Like or Dislike: 0

By: Busy Mom

Busy Mom — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:52:45 +0000

I’m glad that it ended well…and I hope that your au pair will do the responsible thing and that she and her friends will contribute toward the car costs. I think I have a page and a half on car usage in my handbook That section as grown by a bullet point or two with each nanny/au pair transition. Fortunately, none have abused the privilege of having a car provided to them, but there are always little things that happen or questions that come up that it’s useful to codify. (e.g., what do you do if you hit a deer)

Your comment about misunderstandings about a handbook that was reviewed early in an au pair’s tenure struck a chord as well. From a post near the end of last year (can’t remember which one), I got the idea of doing a handbook refresher. In one of my periodic mtgs with my au pair (after about 3 months), we reviewed the handbook and went back over some points that I’d noticed were not being followed in the spirit of this refresher. We have a wonderfully responsible au pair so I think it was a case of “too much information” condensed into the first week, rather than a deliberate breaking of the rules. Yet another thing that I’ve learned from this blog (thanks CV!).

Like or Dislike: 0