Our third Au Pair just arrived and has been here for almost three weeks. She is very sweet, is trying hard, and while she may be too meek for our family, we are hoping she will come out of her shell with time.
The new Au Pair has already confessed that she is scared the kids (and us) will never like her as much, and I know she feels intimidated, insecure and overwhelmed. She is very timid with them, can barely talk to me, and just seems very worried about whether anyone likes her. We try to assure her that we do, and it will take time to settle in.
And three of my kids do generally like her but… my toddler… acts like she hates her.
I’ve never seen my toddler act this way, screaming, kicking, refusing to let her help her in any way. She’s at the point of screaming until she starts gagging every time the Au Pair tries to get near her… and this is a child who has never thrown fits up to this point.
I know she really misses the last Au Pair and has even asked “If I take a big nap, will she come back?” and other such things. It’s breaking my heart to see her so sad, and acting so horribly. I’m embarrassed for her behavior, sorry that the Au Pair is being treated this way, and trying everything I can come up with to get her to stop freaking out.
We are all trying to be patient, but I simply don’t know what to do.
I feel like she feels guilty to ‘move on’ to another Au Pair, she will cry ‘I can’t, I can’t’ when I tell her to ask the new Au Pair to help her with something, or play a game or something. (If I didn’t know better, I would say the last Au Pair made her promise never to love another one…)
New Au Pair Lacks Confidence
What’s worse, it just is perpetuating the general lack of confidence of the new Au Pair… she doesn’t know what to do, but even when I try to give her ideas, she doesn’t seem to follow through with them.
She just stares at her like she is scared, which seems to let my daughter know that it ‘works’ and makes her behavior even worse.
It turns out that the Au Pair’s childcare experience isn’t as thorough as it came across on paper and the interviews, and I think she just wasn’t prepared even for normal toddler behavior, but especially something so extreme. I feel like she doesn’t have a ‘strong’ personality, and this situation would be a challenge even for a very confident person.
- So what can I do? Has anyone had a young kid that simply refuses to accept the new Au Pair?
- Have you been able to help an un-confident Au Pair learn to be firm?
I don’t want to rematch as this seems to be the child’s problem, not the Au Pair’s… it seems very unfair to her.
But then I wonder if she had a stronger personality, would it even be an issue? Thank you so much!!