Comments on: We *are* making a difference http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Wed, 23 May 2012 08:31:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: A http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4831 A Mon, 14 Dec 2009 16:41:12 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4831 CT, you could ask your host family for this book, which I highly recommend: http://www.amazon.com/Preschoolers-Busy-Book-Creative-Activities/dp/0671316338/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260808503&sr=8-1 Also, you could do seasonal craft with the kids, so that you don't end up doing the same thing day after day--like leaf collages in the fall, homemade ornaments for Christmas, valentines in February. Our AP does some of this. She also takes the kids to the craft store. I don't know how long they spend there, but I know they don't buy a lot of stuff, they just look at things. CT, you could ask your host family for this book, which I highly recommend:
http://www.amazon.com/Preschoolers-Busy-Book-Creative-Activities/dp/0671316338/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260808503&sr=8-1
Also, you could do seasonal craft with the kids, so that you don’t end up doing the same thing day after day–like leaf collages in the fall, homemade ornaments for Christmas, valentines in February. Our AP does some of this. She also takes the kids to the craft store. I don’t know how long they spend there, but I know they don’t buy a lot of stuff, they just look at things.

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]]> By: CV http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4730 CV Wed, 09 Dec 2009 22:32:29 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4730 Sara, I love the question "are you an adventurous person?"... When i talk to my girls about about au pairs' motivation and also why they are departing, I describe the au pairs as being on their way to their 'next adventure'. I think it sets up a nice perspective on what the year is all about, and makes departure feel more normal and positive. It's also kind of hard to imagine anyone coming to the US for a year without being adventurous by nature-- though I have seen the reality of shy au pairs, au pairs who were homebodies, and au pairs who were simply afraid to get out and about... so your question would be a great way to start a conversation about what a prospective au pair thinks it's all about! Sara,

I love the question “are you an adventurous person?”… When i talk to my girls about about au pairs’ motivation and also why they are departing, I describe the au pairs as being on their way to their ‘next adventure’. I think it sets up a nice perspective on what the year is all about, and makes departure feel more normal and positive.

It’s also kind of hard to imagine anyone coming to the US for a year without being adventurous by nature– though I have seen the reality of shy au pairs, au pairs who were homebodies, and au pairs who were simply afraid to get out and about… so your question would be a great way to start a conversation about what a prospective au pair thinks it’s all about!

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]]> By: Sara Duke http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4717 Sara Duke Wed, 09 Dec 2009 04:00:18 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4717 I paid for several activity classes (music, art, sports) out of the home. My au pair got to meet nannies, moms and grandmoms and had a great time. My son has loved baking with au pairs, making their traditional Christmas cookies and sharing traditional activities. He used to love going shopping with them. He loves going to the movies with au pairs, too. Not everything has cost extra money - sometimes it's a walk, a trip to the museum (we live near lots of free museums), or even the supermarket. My daughter loves swimming and walking around the neighborhood. I have a long checklist of free places and inexpensive activities that my children love and share them with au pairs. If you're running out of ideas, ask your host mom for help. I paid for several activity classes (music, art, sports) out of the home. My au pair got to meet nannies, moms and grandmoms and had a great time. My son has loved baking with au pairs, making their traditional Christmas cookies and sharing traditional activities. He used to love going shopping with them. He loves going to the movies with au pairs, too. Not everything has cost extra money – sometimes it’s a walk, a trip to the museum (we live near lots of free museums), or even the supermarket. My daughter loves swimming and walking around the neighborhood. I have a long checklist of free places and inexpensive activities that my children love and share them with au pairs. If you’re running out of ideas, ask your host mom for help.

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]]> By: Sara Duke http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4716 Sara Duke Wed, 09 Dec 2009 03:54:06 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4716 We have had four fantastic matches and now have one trying-hard-but-rather-shy au pair who is great with our handicapped daughter and okay the rest of the time. I like to think that having a medically fragile 11-year-old who requires total care (from diapering to feeding) weeds out the party girls from those who actually like children (and to party), and our current au pair is no exception. (We automatically delete applications where it is clear the candidate only got enough babysitting experience to apply for the program.) However, I am going to add a series of questions to my rather long list of questions for my next round of telephone interviews, and that is, "Are you an adventurous person?" While one would think that traveling halfway around the planet to plop yourself in a new country without people you don't know makes an au pair adventurous by default, I now have firsthand experience that it doesn't. I have lived abroad, and I remember crying one day when I desparately needed a new pair of jeans and couldn't figure out how the sizes worked. I sought out the information and went back to the store, armed and ready. My husband lived in Moscow for a year when it was still the Soviet Union. After the initial shock, we both adjusted because we were in it for the adventure (as well as completing our dissertation research in the alloted year). I like to think that we're empathetic to culture shock, to the need for time to adjust. Our current au pair has found it extremely difficult to adjust and we have invested an enormous amount of time and energy to help her acquire those skills (why? because dear husband hates training new au pairs, hates the getting-to-know-you month and I acquiesce to him because he's the one who actually spends all those hours doing driver education -- and my daughter is happy. Sometimes that is enough.) I've been down the road using nurses, and I can tell you, every au pair has been far superior to the best nurse. The difference is love. We have had four fantastic matches and now have one trying-hard-but-rather-shy au pair who is great with our handicapped daughter and okay the rest of the time. I like to think that having a medically fragile 11-year-old who requires total care (from diapering to feeding) weeds out the party girls from those who actually like children (and to party), and our current au pair is no exception. (We automatically delete applications where it is clear the candidate only got enough babysitting experience to apply for the program.)

However, I am going to add a series of questions to my rather long list of questions for my next round of telephone interviews, and that is, “Are you an adventurous person?” While one would think that traveling halfway around the planet to plop yourself in a new country without people you don’t know makes an au pair adventurous by default, I now have firsthand experience that it doesn’t.

I have lived abroad, and I remember crying one day when I desparately needed a new pair of jeans and couldn’t figure out how the sizes worked. I sought out the information and went back to the store, armed and ready. My husband lived in Moscow for a year when it was still the Soviet Union. After the initial shock, we both adjusted because we were in it for the adventure (as well as completing our dissertation research in the alloted year). I like to think that we’re empathetic to culture shock, to the need for time to adjust.

Our current au pair has found it extremely difficult to adjust and we have invested an enormous amount of time and energy to help her acquire those skills (why? because dear husband hates training new au pairs, hates the getting-to-know-you month and I acquiesce to him because he’s the one who actually spends all those hours doing driver education — and my daughter is happy. Sometimes that is enough.)

I’ve been down the road using nurses, and I can tell you, every au pair has been far superior to the best nurse. The difference is love.

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]]> By: Darthastewart http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4711 Darthastewart Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:39:50 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4711 This is one of the things that bothers me most about how agencies recruit in some countries. In fact, most host families are not wealthy, travelling somewhere new every month. Most of us are 2 income families, who need quality childcare for our children. Many host families cannot afford the cost of having an extra car for the AP to drive. And, working 45 hours/week can be quite hard, especially when dealing with kids. I wish that the agencies doing the recruiting would do a better job communicating the realities of being an au-pair in all the countries they service. (I think that some, like Germans, and now Brazilians, do a pretty good job with their info, but some other countries paint it as all rainbows and kisses) This is one of the things that bothers me most about how agencies recruit in some countries. In fact, most host families are not wealthy, travelling somewhere new every month. Most of us are 2 income families, who need quality childcare for our children. Many host families cannot afford the cost of having an extra car for the AP to drive. And, working 45 hours/week can be quite hard, especially when dealing with kids.

I wish that the agencies doing the recruiting would do a better job communicating the realities of being an au-pair in all the countries they service. (I think that some, like Germans, and now Brazilians, do a pretty good job with their info, but some other countries paint it as all rainbows and kisses)

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]]> By: CT Au Pair http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4699 CT Au Pair Mon, 07 Dec 2009 21:38:43 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4699 Thanks for the advise! I really think they are great HF and great AP, but also I think there are so much misunderstanding about been an AP, for me CC (in the cases I know, I don't know another agencies from Europe), but I am from LatinAmerica and know a lot of AP, than didn't understand what is been an AP, they sell you the idea in your country that you are going to be part of the family, and they are just rich families, and you are going in vacations with them (like if the HF go on a different place every month) and you are going to be available to study something good, and of course look after the kids, but as a Family member no like an employee. And when you come here, you get dessapointed because is not what you thought is going to be. I know great girls from Colombia that came back to their contries because everything what they been told is not what they found here. They sell you very well about been part of the family but, been honest, at least in my case, with a family is not really loving or they don't kiss or hugs each other (as I do with my real family), I feel as an employee and not like a sister or something, also I need to say they are really nice people and we match perfect, but that doesn't works for everyone, and been a loving person and I try to teach it to the girls, is a big step for them, they even hugs they grandparents when they come home without been asking when before they need to order to do it. So I really think, maybe in not all the cases, also I know another AP whome came here with the idea of just party, but is really important ask to your AP if they understand what is been an AP, and they need to work hard with the kids, with another rules and in another country, sometimes can be more difficult for us than the HF, we came with dreams and some come back to their contries feeling they failed. Thanks for the advise!

I really think they are great HF and great AP, but also I think there are so much misunderstanding about been an AP, for me CC (in the cases I know, I don’t know another agencies from Europe), but I am from LatinAmerica and know a lot of AP, than didn’t understand what is been an AP, they sell you the idea in your country that you are going to be part of the family, and they are just rich families, and you are going in vacations with them (like if the HF go on a different place every month) and you are going to be available to study something good, and of course look after the kids, but as a Family member no like an employee. And when you come here, you get dessapointed because is not what you thought is going to be. I know great girls from Colombia that came back to their contries because everything what they been told is not what they found here. They sell you very well about been part of the family but, been honest, at least in my case, with a family is not really loving or they don’t kiss or hugs each other (as I do with my real family), I feel as an employee and not like a sister or something, also I need to say they are really nice people and we match perfect, but that doesn’t works for everyone, and been a loving person and I try to teach it to the girls, is a big step for them, they even hugs they grandparents when they come home without been asking when before they need to order to do it. So I really think, maybe in not all the cases, also I know another AP whome came here with the idea of just party, but is really important ask to your AP if they understand what is been an AP, and they need to work hard with the kids, with another rules and in another country, sometimes can be more difficult for us than the HF, we came with dreams and some come back to their contries feeling they failed.

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]]> By: Anonymous http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4698 Anonymous Mon, 07 Dec 2009 19:59:46 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4698 You know, I always try to keep in mind the idea that families have the opportunity to grow as host parents. We learn from every aupair and we are constantly having to change and grow as our children change and grow. The aupairs , on the other hand , are only here for one year or perhaps two years at a specific time in their lives. I know that one of my not so great aupairs went home and grew up into a wonderful young woman. But she was not at that point when she lived with us. Families are often living the most stressful period of their lives career wise and family wise during the aupair's time with them. The aupair does not always get to see how they have learned and grown. Sometimes it is just a matter of timing. Their is , of course, no teacher like experience ( or a blog community ). You know, I always try to keep in mind the idea that families have the opportunity to grow as host parents. We learn from every aupair and we are constantly having to change and grow as our children change and grow. The aupairs , on the other hand , are only here for one year or perhaps two years at a specific time in their lives. I know that one of my not so great aupairs went home and grew up into a wonderful young woman. But she was not at that point when she lived with us.
Families are often living the most stressful period of their lives career wise and family wise during the aupair’s time with them. The aupair does not always get to see how they have learned and grown. Sometimes it is just a matter of timing. Their is , of course, no teacher like experience ( or a blog community ).

]]> By: My 2 cents http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4696 My 2 cents Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:14:25 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4696 I encourage our APs to get out of the house with the kids and do physical activities because I believe that is just as important to learning as the more traditional stuff like reading and drawing. So do things like the library, the park, the pool, have some play dates, etc. Also, you can start teaching these young ladies some life skills and personal responsibility by having them help make their own lunches or help prep the family dinner (young kids LOVE to help in the kitchen) and help with their own laundry (what little person doesn't love ripping off their bed sheets and dumping them into the washer and pushing the buttons?). I encourage our APs to get out of the house with the kids and do physical activities because I believe that is just as important to learning as the more traditional stuff like reading and drawing. So do things like the library, the park, the pool, have some play dates, etc. Also, you can start teaching these young ladies some life skills and personal responsibility by having them help make their own lunches or help prep the family dinner (young kids LOVE to help in the kitchen) and help with their own laundry (what little person doesn’t love ripping off their bed sheets and dumping them into the washer and pushing the buttons?).

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]]> By: My 2 cents http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4695 My 2 cents Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:07:33 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4695 So true! The gift of personal mentoring, support, and just overall inclusiveness is worth so much more than the money from our experiences. The au pairs that don't understand this are the ones that either aren't up to the task or will come to understand the hard way that it's more sad and lonely when you don't have a surrogate family, but do have a car and an awesome iphone. So true! The gift of personal mentoring, support, and just overall inclusiveness is worth so much more than the money from our experiences. The au pairs that don’t understand this are the ones that either aren’t up to the task or will come to understand the hard way that it’s more sad and lonely when you don’t have a surrogate family, but do have a car and an awesome iphone.

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]]> By: Anonymous for this http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4694 Anonymous for this Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:59:16 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/the-more-we-learn-about-having-an-au-pair/2009/12/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4694 Both of our au pairs have been German and under 21. Looking back, our first was more "okay," but the current is awesome! The first had pretty bad English, but the second was teaching English back home. I don't think it has anything to do with where they come from or how old they are myself. We didn't select Germany either year, it just worked out that way because our agency has a lot of young German girls in the program. Both of our au pairs have been German and under 21. Looking back, our first was more “okay,” but the current is awesome! The first had pretty bad English, but the second was teaching English back home.

I don’t think it has anything to do with where they come from or how old they are myself. We didn’t select Germany either year, it just worked out that way because our agency has a lot of young German girls in the program.

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