Comments on: The 3rd Car: Avoiding a sense of entitlement http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Wed, 23 May 2012 08:31:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jennifer http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13170 Jennifer Fri, 27 Aug 2010 20:07:50 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-13170 I agree with Darthastewart. If she is lying about the car and going so far as to cover it up - what else is she lying about? Trust is a HUGE issue. I agree with Darthastewart. If she is lying about the car and going so far as to cover it up – what else is she lying about? Trust is a HUGE issue.

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]]> By: EUROaupair http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13165 EUROaupair Fri, 27 Aug 2010 19:26:35 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-13165 This is all actually quite interesting! I see some differences here right off the bat; I haven't so much as scratched the car, the car is part of my verbal contract, we live in the middle of nowhere, I am 23, used to drive cars for a living & have Defensive Driving qualifications etc. I guess it comes down to the fact that I would be offended and angry if a curfew or something was enforced on me, having been living alone and driving my own car for five years now. I forget that some of your Au Pairs are really young and/or less responsible etc. and that some of you HFs have had terrible experiences with APs and cars! This is all actually quite interesting! I see some differences here right off the bat; I haven’t so much as scratched the car, the car is part of my verbal contract, we live in the middle of nowhere, I am 23, used to drive cars for a living & have Defensive Driving qualifications etc.

I guess it comes down to the fact that I would be offended and angry if a curfew or something was enforced on me, having been living alone and driving my own car for five years now.

I forget that some of your Au Pairs are really young and/or less responsible etc. and that some of you HFs have had terrible experiences with APs and cars!

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]]> By: iMom http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13066 iMom Wed, 25 Aug 2010 14:42:02 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-13066 Did there end up being a post about the AP cluster taxi? I have also been frustrated by other host families not being considerate of the needs of their AP to get around, which ended up being inconsiderate to my AP and to me because my AP had to drive her around. Case in point, one family would not set their AP up with direct deposit of her paychecks and yet did not provide transportation to the bank for her to deposit her checks! I really don't know what they could have expected except that someone else would have to drive her. MY AP usually ended up driving her to the bank every Friday. Perhaps I should have said something, but I never did. My AP didn't mind much because they usually spent time together Friday evenings anyway, but it was still a hassle and very inconsiderate! Did there end up being a post about the AP cluster taxi? I have also been frustrated by other host families not being considerate of the needs of their AP to get around, which ended up being inconsiderate to my AP and to me because my AP had to drive her around. Case in point, one family would not set their AP up with direct deposit of her paychecks and yet did not provide transportation to the bank for her to deposit her checks! I really don’t know what they could have expected except that someone else would have to drive her. MY AP usually ended up driving her to the bank every Friday. Perhaps I should have said something, but I never did. My AP didn’t mind much because they usually spent time together Friday evenings anyway, but it was still a hassle and very inconsiderate!

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]]> By: Melissa http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13056 Melissa Wed, 25 Aug 2010 01:18:09 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-13056 I agree. The insurance on our modest 3rd car (AP car) is the most expensive out of all three of our cars because she is listed as the primary driver (even our luxury SUV costs less to insure). She has little driving experience and is from another country, so we can't qualify for any discounts. We've been there, done that with one of our APs who wanted to keep the car out constantly, and it was frequently parked all night long (and often all weekend long) at friends houses. It became a big issue and a major source of annoyance for me. We learned and won't be doing that again. I agree. The insurance on our modest 3rd car (AP car) is the most expensive out of all three of our cars because she is listed as the primary driver (even our luxury SUV costs less to insure). She has little driving experience and is from another country, so we can’t qualify for any discounts. We’ve been there, done that with one of our APs who wanted to keep the car out constantly, and it was frequently parked all night long (and often all weekend long) at friends houses. It became a big issue and a major source of annoyance for me. We learned and won’t be doing that again.

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]]> By: StephinBoston http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13054 StephinBoston Tue, 24 Aug 2010 23:02:55 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-13054 I think we are a pretty lax host family but that car curfew is not going away here. I've had a car totaled by an au pair, had to go pick her up and honestly I have no desire to have her involved in a car accident at 3AM in the morning. My insurance is also VERY expensive ($1000 per year on a 8 year old safe car) for the au pair and I don't want it to go up more due to the car being vandalized in a bad area or another accident. I think we are a pretty lax host family but that car curfew is not going away here. I’ve had a car totaled by an au pair, had to go pick her up and honestly I have no desire to have her involved in a car accident at 3AM in the morning. My insurance is also VERY expensive ($1000 per year on a 8 year old safe car) for the au pair and I don’t want it to go up more due to the car being vandalized in a bad area or another accident.

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]]> By: My 2 cents http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13049 My 2 cents Tue, 24 Aug 2010 18:53:35 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-13049 As a host mom my main reasons are to avoid bad crashes and drunk drivers and to control the use of my property and avoid issues of entitlement. The thought of my car that I insure and pay for out in front of your boyfriend's apartment building, or another host family's house for an entire weekend really bothers me. And I know for a fact it bothers other host families. So we just don't go there and put a curfew on the car absent specific exceptions and clearance. I'll also own that it is a way to more deftly and less personally manage an au pair curfew, especially one who would stay out all night if permitted. Sorry, but unless you have your own car that you paid for and insure, you would need to pack it up and leave. 24/7 access to a car is not an entitlement. It is a piece of personal property of high value and has the ability to get you and others with you and on the road around you into a lot of danger if not respected. As a host mom my main reasons are to avoid bad crashes and drunk drivers and to control the use of my property and avoid issues of entitlement. The thought of my car that I insure and pay for out in front of your boyfriend’s apartment building, or another host family’s house for an entire weekend really bothers me. And I know for a fact it bothers other host families. So we just don’t go there and put a curfew on the car absent specific exceptions and clearance.

I’ll also own that it is a way to more deftly and less personally manage an au pair curfew, especially one who would stay out all night if permitted.

Sorry, but unless you have your own car that you paid for and insure, you would need to pack it up and leave. 24/7 access to a car is not an entitlement. It is a piece of personal property of high value and has the ability to get you and others with you and on the road around you into a lot of danger if not respected.

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]]> By: Providing Your Au Pair With Safe, Affordable, Convenient Transportation http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13047 Providing Your Au Pair With Safe, Affordable, Convenient Transportation Tue, 24 Aug 2010 17:32:46 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-13047 [...] managing cars. Behind all of these questions, like “who should pay for gas?” or “Avoiding a sense of entitlement” or “keeping track of car use“,  is one simple [...] [...] managing cars. Behind all of these questions, like “who should pay for gas?” or “Avoiding a sense of entitlement” or “keeping track of car use“,  is one simple [...]

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]]> By: Aupairgal http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13042 Aupairgal Tue, 24 Aug 2010 14:32:57 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-13042 Well, the main reason I see having grown up in America is that 1:30AM is last call and 2AM the bars close. Basically between 1:30 and 4 is the most dangerous time to drive in regards to drunk drivers. My parent(not host parents..parents) always had me either be home by 1:30 or stay where I was. Well, the main reason I see having grown up in America is that 1:30AM is last call and 2AM the bars close. Basically between 1:30 and 4 is the most dangerous time to drive in regards to drunk drivers. My parent(not host parents..parents) always had me either be home by 1:30 or stay where I was.

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]]> By: EUROaupair http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13037 EUROaupair Tue, 24 Aug 2010 13:16:44 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-13037 Just wondering, what is the purpose of a car curfew? My HF have rules for the car, all reasonable; I pay for my own petrol unless I am taking the kids, I take my phone with me, I keep it clean, I tell them if I am going out of town etc. However, as much as I love them, I would probably pack my bags if they announced a car curfew; it is essentially an au pair-curfew, isn't it? Just wondering, what is the purpose of a car curfew?

My HF have rules for the car, all reasonable; I pay for my own petrol unless I am taking the kids, I take my phone with me, I keep it clean, I tell them if I am going out of town etc.

However, as much as I love them, I would probably pack my bags if they announced a car curfew; it is essentially an au pair-curfew, isn’t it?

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]]> By: Taking a computer lunch http://AuPairMom.com/the-3rd-car-avoiding-a-sense-of-entitlement/2009/03/31/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-9238 Taking a computer lunch Sat, 15 May 2010 03:43:46 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=953#comment-9238 My sense is that you give a verbal warning. If you're going to dress someone down, always start with their good points (management 101), "I like the way you do X. I really appreciate Y," and then get down to the real reason you've called the face-to-face, "It really annoys me that..." Make it clear that you consider it a warning, and that you feel disappointed and bothered that you have to watch the odometers, and that it wouldn't be an issue if she just gassed up the car when she was a) done and b) left more than a minute to meet the bus. (FYI - we always schedule our AP to start 15 minutes before the 1st bus is anticipated - it's part of her working hours, even if she just sits on her hands and waits, because we want to insure that she is home.) My sense is that you give a verbal warning. If you’re going to dress someone down, always start with their good points (management 101), “I like the way you do X. I really appreciate Y,” and then get down to the real reason you’ve called the face-to-face, “It really annoys me that…” Make it clear that you consider it a warning, and that you feel disappointed and bothered that you have to watch the odometers, and that it wouldn’t be an issue if she just gassed up the car when she was a) done and b) left more than a minute to meet the bus. (FYI – we always schedule our AP to start 15 minutes before the 1st bus is anticipated – it’s part of her working hours, even if she just sits on her hands and waits, because we want to insure that she is home.)

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