[Two years ago we enjoyed this post on gratitude, and au pairs. Since there are so many new and different readers of the blog now, that I thought I'd post it again.  Following up this post is a chance to reflect what you're thankful and grateful for in your host family- au pair relationship.  cv]

With Thanksgiving upon us, opening up the holiday season, all of us host moms & dads have a chance to be thankful about what our children and our au pairs bring into our lives.

Part of the reason I think that having an au pair can be so great is that it asks us to open up our families and to share our lives with others, in a unique way. We have to consider our values and priorities, translate these for someone from another culture, consider their personal and cultural values, manage the constant balance between employee and family, and collaborate together to support our children, our au pair, ourselves, and our community.

Thanksgiving gives us a (pretty obvious) opportunity to reflect on what having an au pair is bringing to our families, and how strengthening our relationships between our selves, our au pairs and our children can benefit all of us. Whether your relationship is more functional or more familial, whether you feel frustrated or delighted more often than not, there’s something good going on or your wouldn’t be in this relationship.

Take a moment to reflect on all of this, and to share your gratitude with your family and your au pair. (It’s okay to give yourself a pat on the back too, parents.)

Folks enjoyed the article by Christine Kane that I shared a few months ago, and here is another one about Thanksgiving. It’s always a treat to find something well-written and insightful, and since Christine encourages her readers to share her posts in toto, I’m happy to send it along to you.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Why Gratitude Makes You Happy and Wealthy
by Christine Kane

Gratitude is more than being thankful one day a year. Gratitude is a practice. For some, it’s a way of life.

Why do some people swear by the practice of gratitude? Why do these people have joy-filled and abundant lives?

In other words, why does gratitude make you happy and wealthy?

• Because gratitude is about presence.

It’s about waking up in this moment and being here – really being here – and noticing what’s around you. Most people are so busy thinking about the next thing, or about their horrid past, that they don’t wake up and look around at their present moment – the only moment there is.

• Because gratitude is about honoring YOUR precious life.

Do you ever compare your life with someone else’s? Do you ever wish your life were better and more like [insert famous person's name here]? Sometimes we can lose ourselves in wondering how we “measure up” to some standard set by our families or by the media. Comparison is the mind killer. The antidote is gratitude.

Gratitude requires that you validate your own life. (And you really don’t have any other life, do
you?) It forces you to say YES to the gift that is you. The choices you’ve made and the changes you’ve gone through – they have brought you here. Even if here is a place that needs a little adjustment, that’s okay. There are always gifts in any present moment.

• Because gratitude is about attracting.

It’s difficult to attract abundance and joy if you are constantly saying “no” to what IS. You say “no” each time you focus on the future or past, or when you criticize something that is in your present moment.

Attraction is about saying Yes. When you say Yes, you shift.

Gratitude says, “Yes, I love this!” And then more of this is attracted, because the this is what you’re focusing on.

• Because gratitude is about choice.

How you translate any situation is the situation. What you choose to see is the truth (for you).

This isn’t proposing that you live in denial or phoniness. It’s reminding you that your translation of any life situation is your choice. We’ve all heard stories of people who have ignored others’ translations of their talent, their projects, their art, their looks, their lives. These people chose their own translations and succeeded. You always have a choice when it comes to how you look at things. Choose to choose gratitude.

• Because gratitude is about wisdom.

I think people believe they’re being smart if they criticize, complain, and focus on the problems of the world around them.

Smart? Maybe.

Clever? Sure.

But not wise.

It is wise to look for and find the knowing place in your heart. It is wise to choose joy. It is wise to honor your riches. It is wise to focus on and grow the blessings of your life.

• Because gratitude is about recognition.

Use your power of focus to hone in on beauty and on what makes your heart sing. Recognize the spirit in your life. It’s all around you waiting to be noticed. In the words of Franz Kafka, “It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”

• Because gratitude is about receptivity.

Gratitude makes you receptive. It makes you a vessel, waiting to be filled.

I carry a tiny notebook with me everywhere I go. In it, I write down song ideas. I write down quotes I hear. I write down ideas for stage stories. As I do that, I become more receptive, and more ideas and songs come to me. It’s a tool that says to my subconscious, “Send more my way!” And the subconscious always responds.

Gratitude is the same way. It says, “I am receptive! Send more!” And more arrives.

• Because gratitude is about creativity.

Creativity is really all about attention. (So is genius.)

When I write a song, I build a relationship with that song. I spend time with it. I get to know it. I pay attention to it. Artists do the same thing with drawings. They spend time in rapt attention, and the drawing is born.

Gratitude is how we Live Creative. It is a creative act to notice and pay attention to the moments of your life. Some days it’s an enormous act of creativity to find things for which to be thankful.

Start today.

And have a Thanksgiving of presence, creativity, and gratitude! [Thanks Christine!]

Gratitide Cafe by CoreyThrace on Flickr
Cratitidue Tage by eekim on FLickr

Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 8,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

Every holiday my DH and I have the same holiday conversation: Should we ask our Au Pair to be on duty?

Scheduling your au pair to work on and around holidays, family vacations, and birthdays (yours and hers) can be challenging, because you’re once again right on top of the question– What does it mean for your au pair to be ‘part of the family’ and also to be the person who’s paid to care for the kids when the parent(s) need(s) childcare?

As Franzi points out: “The whole emphasis on family and togetherness that Thanksgiving brings along could raise expectations and misunderstandings regarding the AP’s role in the whole festivities.”

Your au pair may want to be ‘part of the family’ and participate in the celebration… then again, you may need her to be the person in charge of the kids. And then again, in many families, everyone pitches in whether it’s their paid job or not.

On Christmas and Easter the answers are always influenced by the church-going preferences of our au pair, but on Thanksgiving the issues are much more focused. Plus, Thanksgiving as a holiday is all about family and togetherness— so the ways in which you include your au pair have to jive with that.

Can your au pair be ‘part of the family’ and ‘on duty’ at the same time?

Thanksgiving is usually a holiday when I cook, so I’m very busy. The extended family comes here, so there are several people who our au pair has met only once or twice, sometimes never. And, there’s not much main activity besides cooking, eating, and cleaning, so we seem to have a lot of people wandering around wondering why we don’t have a television where Granddad can watch “The Game”.

Add a few diaper changes, some little people needing naps, cousins arguing over who gets the drum set for Rock Band, and some Aunts and Uncles who just really need a glass of wine, and you can see how having someone officially in charge of the kids looks like a good idea.

More often than not, we do schedule our au pair to be on duty at Thanksgiving. Usually this is around any other plans she might have (e.g., Thanksgiving day parade, soccer game, etc.), and it does not include being on duty during the actual dinner itself.

I’ve found that not only does it help to have our au pair watching the girls, but also it helps her have something to do so that she’s not sitting around trying to engage various relatives in conversation or asking me if she can stir the gravy. After all, she is an expert with the kids, she can organize crafts, help kids make videos, arrange the Battle of the Bands, and even take them to the playground down the street to work up an appetite.

A few times we’ve even had my sister’s au pair come for dinner, the au pairs have been on and off duty together to make things a bit more fun for them.

I’ve found that our au pairs generally like feeling needed and appreciate the chance to contribute to making the family celebration go well. Especially if our au pair can relax during dinner and have some time with no demands, no one has seemed to mind being duty at Thanksgiving.

And, needless to say, knowing that my kids are being cared for while I ‘flip the bird’ is something I am totally thankful for.

What is planned for your au pair this Thanksgiving?

[Note: Having our au pair on duty does not mean that she is necessarily responsible for my sisters' kids. Our au pair will help with the playground supervision of a group that includes cousins, but not with diaper changing.

Also, I start my turkey roasting it breast-side down (using gravity to enhance juicy-ness) so a big moment is when I "flip the bird" over to the fancy side. There have been years when the bird has resisted.... another story.]

See Also:
Tip: Family Fun for Thanksgiving
More Thanksgiving Day ideas…for you and your Au Pair

Thanksgiving Table by Ann & Lane of Flickr

What do you know about Thanksgiving?

The AuPairCare website for Au Pairs has a fun little activity for Au Pairs celebrating Thanksgiving with their host families. If you haven’t seen this yet, you might want to suggest it to your au pair, or just play it with the family yourself.

First, visit this website for a fun video about the history of Thanksgiving:  http://www.history.com/minisites/thanksgiving/. Then, give everyone a mini-quiz!

You probably won’t even need to see the video, since these questions are kind of easy– but you can make up your own questions and really ramp up the challenge.  Scholastic Books has a site (www2.scholastic.com/browse/collection.jsp?id=47 ) with lesson plans about different facets of the Thanksgiving holiday, for those of you who are really ambitious.

Who’ll do better, you or your 7 year old???

1. In 1621, the _____ Colonists and the Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast which is acknowledged today as one of the first Thanksgiving celebrations in the colonies.
2. During the _________ Revolution, a yearly day of national thanksgiving was suggested by the Continental Congress.
3. In 1863, President ________ ________ appointed a day of Thanksgiving as the last Thursday in November.
4. Americans eat 45 million pounds of _______ on Thanksgiving Day.
5. In 1920 and in order to raise a better following of the sport, ______ was played (& still is) !!
6. Originally known as a Christmas Parade, the ______ Thanksgiving Parade began in 1924 and featured animals from Central Park Zoo.
7. Department Stores use Thanksgiving Day as a kick-off for Holiday _______.
8. The average number of calories in a 1/2 cup serving of mashed sweet potatoes is _________.
9. Green-bean, mushroom soup and crispy fried onions casserole is popular because _________. (Anyone know?)
10. Why do Canada and the United States celebrate Thanksgiving on different days?
11. Why do we start watching movies about Christmas on Thanksgiving?

2. Football. Everywhere!

College & Pro football games can get very boring for those who haven’t grown up with the game. If your au pairs is a ‘true’ futbol (i.e., soccer) fan, she might be mystified by the whole tradition family football noshing. You might think about how to make it a real ‘cultural exchange’, by offering your au pair some tips on how to watch football. (Check this funny article: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/achenblog/2006/09/how_to_watch_football.html .)

3. Make today’s childcare more fun!

If you are asking your au pair to be ‘on duty’ and watching the kids for part of the holiday, think about ways to make that a bit more fun for her, so that it feels festive and special to be with the kids. One idea is to check out a holiday crafts website, purchase (ahead of time) the right colors of construction paper, and have your au pair lead the kids in a craft.  My personal favorites are the paper turkeys with what you’re thankful for written on the tail feathers (see previous post). These can also become great souvenirs for your family and your au pair, marking a special American family day.

http://familycrafts.about.com/cs/thanksgivingtheme/a/101600a.htm

20 Fun Things You Can Do with Family on Thanksgiving

Hi Host moms—  I found this great list of ideas for Thanksgiving on the DumbLittleMan Tips for Life blog. It’s such a great list that there is no way to summarize it and do it justice, so I’m excerpting it in large chunks… but if you want the whole thing and/or if you want to print it out for later reference, please click back to DumbLittleMan so that they get credit for the page views. Photos from my secret stash…

"We all know some of the favorite things people like to do on Thanksgiving: watch football, watch The Macy’s Day Parade, and of course taking a nap after gorging on Turkey. Well the purpose of this article is to inspire everyone who reads it to turn off the TV (web, video games) for part of the day and really spend some quality time with your friends and family. You’ll have have fun doing it and you’ll create fun, fond memories."

1. Take a Walk. Pick an enjoyable destination.
2. Play Touch Football. Or soccer, tag, hide-n-seek, etc. Just get outside with the gang and do something that involves running around and taking in some nice fresh air.
3. Boardgames!
4. Play Charades. This doesn’t take much. Make your own rules as you go. Have fun!
5. Sing-a-Long. Karaoke. Make up a contest.
6. Memory Sharing. Share stories. You can pick a theme such as:
The greatest day of my life.

• The best thing that happened in my life this year.
• My favorite memory from childhood.
• The funniest thing that ever happened to me.

Have someone scribe the stories or videotape the event.
7. Share Thanks. At dinner have everyone share what they are thankful for before eating dinner.
8. Silly Dance Contest. Just like it says. Be silly. Dance. Make up your own rules.
9. Kids Talent Show.
10. I Love My Family because…. Gather round as a family and have each person share what they love about the family. (I personally heart this idea….)
11. Share the Love. Have the family all in one room and have each person tell why they admire the person next to him/her. And then that person says why they admire the person next to him/her, and so on. "I Admire ___________ because…"
12. Treasure Hunt. Create a simple treasure map and "prizes."
13. Name That Tune. Play the humming game where each teams or individuals have to name the tune.
14. The Questions Game. Here is a link to a family game with very few rules . You get to make up the rules. The idea is to spark conversations, have fun, and get to know each other better.
15. The Craziest Thing …. (that I saw or experienced this year). As a family tell stories that can be true or made up. Everyone tells a crazy story that is either true or made up and everyone has to guess if it is true or not. And the story doesn’t have to be something that they actually experienced.
16. Our Family Tree. Have everyone imprint a fingerpaint handprint on a big sheet of paper with their name underneath. You can have it framed or take a picture of it to share with everyone. (How great would this be to take to Aunt Barney in the adult care facility?)
17. Start a Thanksgiving Day Banner. Starting this year create a banner that can hang in your living room that will have a picture of the whole family from each year. It can become an heirloom for future generations. You could also create a similar item electronically say with a website.
18. Three Legged Races.
19. Family Thanksgiving Journal. Grab a blank notebook. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Write down everyone’s thanks for this year. And then next year do the same so that over time you build a treasured family book of thanks as well as a sort of family history.
20. Make Me Laugh. Tell jokes. You can make it into a game to see if you can get someone to laugh.

Happy Thanksgiving all! Enjoy!

Originally written for Dumb Little Man by K. Stone in 2007. She is the author of Life Learning Today , a blog about daily life improvements.