[This post addresses customs and Au Pair regulations in the USA. It may or may not be relevant to host parents in other countries.]

The amount of weekly pocket money (or stipend) that a host family is required to provide to an au pair is set by the Federal Government. Right now (as of Feb 2011) that amount is $195.75. Although the required amount is set, some host families offer their au pairs a stipend above the required amount… including rounding the amount up to $200, or even going beyond that by $30 to $50 extra a week.

What I recommend re: Pocket Money

Whenever I’ve been asked about stipends, I’ve always encouraged host families to keep to the required amount, or at most to round up to an even number. I think that host families do each other a disservice when they start to compete with each other (or try to stand out as a ‘better family”) by offering more pocket money. We don’t want au pairs to be “shopping” for a higher stipend– we want them to choose a family based on the criteria that will make them happy in the family day in and day out– and an extra $20-$50 a week won’t do this.

If parents think they have an exceptional situation, if they want to offer a bonus for good work, or if they want to give the au pair a cash gift, I recommend that they wait until a holiday, a birthday or the au pair’s departure– and treat these sums as ‘gifts’ not pay. Sure, whether it’s a gift or payment it’s still money, but it feels different when it’s a gift.

I’d love to know whether many other parents offer more than the stipend, and if they do, how much more they offer… So let’s take an unscientific poll.

Consider ONLY the constant, weekly stipend you give your au pair. Do NOT include money you might offer her for an occasional extra Saturday night babysitting, or for doing family laundry, or any other non-official work you might have negotiated together.

Also, do not include the amount of money that you (on a yearly basis) offer your au pair as either a gift or a bonus.

Now, consider extra cash– bonus, birthdays, etc. Don’t include cost of gifts that you purchase, or grocery allowance — we just want an es5timate of cash money in his or her pocket.

Dear AuPairMom-

I’m an au pair looking on websites to ‘prematch’ with an American family. My plan is to prematch, and then sign up with an official US agency so that I come over legally and within a program.

Before I looked closely at prematching websites, I thought the pocket money was the same for everyone (195.75). I have noticed that, on these websites, even families that intend to go through an agency, “advertise” higher weekly payments (300$-1000$). Meanwhile, other families are willing to pay the “normal” au pair weekly pay (195$-200$).

Now, I know that being an au pair is not about making money, but if a nice family is also willing to pay a little bit more (or a lot more) than the normal pocket money, it would make sense to consider them over a family paying the basic amount.

Do agencies care whether families offer more than the basic stipend? Does it tell me anything (good or bad) about a family if they offering a higher stipend?

Eliana

See also:

Extra Hours: What’s fair pay when you break this taboo?

Image: The Gobbler from roboppy
Casa de Carousel from radven

“Doing something” and “not doing something” do not always have opposite effects.

When something that is supposed to be done is done correctly and in a timely way, no one even notices. When the very same thing isn’t done, or is done incorrectly, it shakes the very foundations of a relationship.

Case in point: paying your au pair.

Every host family must pay their au pair the full amount of his or her stipend, each week, regularly and without fail.

When it comes to paying your au pair, here is what you must do.

• Set a payday — the same day each week — and pay you au pair on that day.

• Pay your au pair the full amount of her or his contractually established pocket money (in the USA, that would be $195.75).

• Create a written record of that payment. (Consider a note on the calendar, a receipt, a check stub, or even an email that says “we paid you today”.)

• If your au pair owes you money for some expenses, have her or him hand you back that money, once you have handed her or him the full stipend. Then, give them a receipt. Do not  ‘dock’ their money or subtracting it from their cash payment before handing them the case. (Why do this? Because the very act of paying you (back) for an expense reinforces for you and the au pair your au pair’s responsibility for the cost and your au pair’s taking charge of his/her responsibility by paying you back.)

• Never, ever, ever put your au pair in the situation where she or he has to ask you for the pocket money you own them, because you have missed the agreed-upon pay day.

Other Tips for Paying Your Au Pair

• Make it easier to remember to pay your au pair, with an email reminder, or even an automatic deposit into his or her checking account on the established day.

• Consider having a week’s pocket money tucked away in your T-shirt drawer, so that if you forget to get the cash from the back, or don’t have enough in your checking account, you have that hidden, backup amount to use.

• Consider planning to pay your au pair a day or two before payday– say, on Thurs rather than Friday. That way, of you forget, you still have a day to get organized before you are late in paying her/him.

• If you have two host parents or two households (e.g., divorced parents sharing an au pair) choose one parent who is responsible for getting the payment to the au pair. Do not miss a payment to your au pair because you and your partner can’t coordinate.

• Write a little thank you note on a post-it, and attach it to your au pair’s cash payment, or write a little “thank you!” on the memo line of the check you write.

Never put your au pair in a situation where s/he has to ask you for the pocket money you owe her. To do that is irresponsible on your part, and unkind to your au pair.

Consider this situation, from Amy:

I am an au pair who has recently moved to my host parents home. I have a great family and the children have taken to me quite easily. It seems like I could be happy here.

However, I do have an issue that I would like to get your advice on. My first two pay checks came on time but when my third did not arrive, I thought to give it a few days before I said something. After two days I mentioned to my host mom that I did not receive my pay check at the end of the week and she was apologetic saying I should not have to find myself asking for it, so I expected that she would write it out. But it is now the end of the second week and I still have not received last week’s pay check or this week’s for that matter.

I find this to be inconsiderate and a disregard of our agreement. It also makes me quite uncomfortable to have to raise this issue again, as I believe it should not be an issue at all.

How do I raise this issue with my host parents without causing tension? And how do I make sure that does not become a trend in our relationship?

I anticipate your feedback. Thank you.

How might an au pair address this situation if her Host Parent hasn’t paid her?

We all have a sense of what kinds of issues regularly present host parents & au pairs with relationships challenges — food, cars, late nights being chief among these. I’m becoming aware of a new category of challenges, centering on ‘Who pays for a mistake?’

We’ve had mistakes related to car damage, lost cell phones, hair-dye stained walls, and more… and here comes a mistake related to apparently illegal downloading.

Behind each of these ‘mistake’ challenges is the question of “Who was at fault?”:

• Should the host parents have warned the au pair? Should they have had something in their handbook?
• Could an agency have screened or trained for this issue to prevent it from happening?
• Should the au pair have inquired before s/he did something? Or, been quicker to make changes?
• Or, all of the above?

Here’s the specific situation:

I am an au pair from Düsseldorf, Germany. I live in my guest-family since December 2009 and on 29 October I go back home to Russia.

One story has happened to me recently and I don’t know with who can I consult. I have/had internet in my guest-family. I have downloaded movies there. I had no idea that in Germany it is forbidden to download movies and my guest-family did not warn me. Then we received a warning from Lawyer Office where stands that my guest-parents should pay for it.

My guest-parents have consulted with their lawyer and they have decided that they do not pay me money for September and last month October. Furthermore, they do not tell me what’s going on with this case.

I would like to ask You, what can I do? Do I have any rights? Can the guest-family exact such a fine from me? Could you please advise me something, because I do not know how should I behave.
Of course, if I knew that in Germany downloading is forbidden, I would have never done it.

I had a similar situation with our very first au pair, who racked up almost $900 in phone charges to a Psychic hotline. Yes, almost $900. To a Physic Hotline.

In one of my best shows of indignation and consumer advocacy, i wrote several scathing letters to the phone company and hotline company, explaining that she was under 18 (not true technically, but true socially), that she did not understand English, and thus that she couldn’t have entered into a valid contract with them. I also harangued them with complaints about their pricing structure: $1 for the first mine, $10 for every subsequent minute, and a policy of scheduling the next call at the end of the current one. it was a system designed for exploitation, that worked until I threatened them. We ended up paying nothing beyond the first $1.

in this Au Pair in Germany’s situation, at the very least her host parents need to discuss with her how to pay for the fines. They shouldn’t just take it out of her already earned salary– that’s punishment. Also, it might really put the au pair in a bad situation if she was expecting to have that money and needed it to return home.

Rather, they should arrange a payback schedule where some portion comes out of each weeks pay, that they au pair can plan for and agrees to. This would serve as compensation, not punishment, for the mistake.

Unfortunately, they are all running out of time– and I bet the Host Parents are thinking that they don’t want to be left holding the bill.

What do you all think this au pair can / should do?

See Also:

Settling Accounts — *Before* she departs
First Day, First Problem, First Opportunity: The $48 phone call
When fault is contested, who pays for damage to the car?
Who pays for what?

Images: karate kid | TK watching movie on…from GoodNCrazy
Untitled from Ken Wingerden

We’ve talked recently about the issues related to having an au pair work extra hours for the host family, and we’ve also talked about whether you should let your au pair babysit for your friends. But we haven”t talked about whether you should permit your au pair to work at another job.

“Why haven’t we talked about this before?” you might wonder.  The answer is simple:

Having your au pair take a second job is a bad idea. A bad, bad idea. Never works out well for anyone. Ever.

Of course, now that I’ve written those words, we’ll hear from the two au pairs who were able to manage a second job because their host families only needed them for 20 hours a week, or something. But, having talked to so many host parents, I can tell you that I’ve never heard of a host parent for whom this has worked out.

It is against the rules for an au pair to work a second job. It is also illegal.

And, it is a horrible idea, for these 6 additional reasons:

• She’ll be too tired to work when she’s on duty with your kids, because she’ll be working too many hours.

• She’ll get attached to the extra money and start to devalue the non-cash compensation and the non-financial benefits she gets from you.

• The job with the official paycheck, out in public, where when meets people, will begin to feel more important than your job, at home, with your kids, which becomes just babysitting.

• She will schedule herself to work, and then not be available when you need her.

• She’ll work all of those hours (like weekends, and Saturday nights) when you’d rather have her on duty, but which you’ve set as her free time so she can relax and socialize.

• She may need your car to get there and back. If it’s your third care, she probably won’t compensate you for the mileage. If it’s your second car, you and/or your spouse will be stranded.

Here is a question from a host family who is trying to figure out how to respond to their au pair, who wants to get a second job.

Our au pair is considering taking a second job. My husband and I have set some strict ground rules and made it clear she will have to quit if it interferes with her au pair duties. She knows that it is against the terms of her visa and of the au pair program, although we have said that this is between her and the agency and state department. And, my DH and I are on the fence about the whole idea.

I’m curious about other host families have experienced with this issue. Here’s what I’d love to know:

Did you say no if your au pair asked to get a second job?

Have you allowed (or just turned a blind eye to) your au pair having a second job in retail or waitressing, for example?

How did it impact her performance for you as your au pair?

Did you set ground rules?

Did you ever find out that your au pair had a second job, and then asked her to quit? Or reported her to your LCC/Area Director?

What are the implications for you if she is caught by the LCC/Area Director or the sponsoring agency?

Serve up your advice parents!

Photos from Flickr:

Hot waitress from sourjayne Team of Hooters from Dale Miller Kristi Serves from Buckshot Frank

Let’s see if we can get some clarity on this question once and for all, and without me calling or email all the agencies to get the official answers. May I call on the LCCs who read AuPairMom, and ask you to tell us what your agency’s official policy is?

I’m talking “Official” policy, not necessarily how you might or might not bend the rules depending on the specific situation.

Please let us know:
1. The name of your Agency
2. Whether your Agency has an official policy or not
3. If it has an official policy, can you give us the verbatim/boilerplate, or a really good summary?
4. Even better, if you can offer a link to your Agency’s regulations page, that would be great.

Go ahead and sign in as “anonymous” if you’d like.

If there are any differences of fact or opinion on any given Agency, we’ll log and note the difference, and I’ll phone that Agency for the official word.

Thanks in advance, LCCs.

Also, we’ll open another post to capture stories from host parents of when they might have withheld pay, and how that worked out ‘officially’.

Thanks everyone. Now let’s get the assorted facts on the table.

Some previous posts on related subjects:
Can you dock her pay if she owes you money? Poll
Settling Accounts — *Before* she departs

Photo credit goes to Jek In The Box, on Flickr. One of her many insanely pretty images.