“It takes a village.”
In my bookclub we have a actual pact– if we see something, we say something.
There’s a way that this agreement can feel kindof nosy. How can you tell Violet’s mom that her kid’s comments on other kids “Insta” photos are mean? But if Violet were your child, wouldn’t you want to know? Wouldn’t you balance the awkwardness of telling another mom with the benefit of her now being able to do something?
That’s my general feeling about Au Pairs and Host Moms & Dads, too. We should act like a village and help each other when a problem is looming and only one of us is able to see it.
[Not like the website “I saw your nanny…” where people rant on and on about behavior they see from afar and interpret in the most negative way possible.]
I’m talking about serious, useful and not salacious information– texting and driving, screaming at a host child, or — as the mom below wonders– about an Au Pair planning to leave a Host Family in the lurch.
Read on about this host mom’s question, and then add your thoughts to the poll at the bottom of the post.
I am seeking some advice. My au pair just told me that one of her friends, also an Au Pair who will be cutting her 12 month term short. Apparently, she got a job offer back in her home country that she can’t pass up on. She intends to leave around the 7 month mark, which will be in January of 2016.
My au pair told me that her friend doesn’t plan to give her host family much notice. When I asked why, she said that her friend wanted to make sure she could take her vacation. The friend’s plan is to take a 2 week vacation in December, which her host family already approved, and then upon her return, to tell her host family that she is leaving in two weeks.
As far as I can tell, the host family and the friend are happy with each other and the only reason the au pair isn’t giving more notice is because she wants to be guaranteed her paid vacation.
[ cv notes: This Au Pair may not have ‘earned’ a full two weeks’ vacation. She shouldn’t expect to have both weeks paid for… so it may be that if the au pair knew the actual rules about earning vacation, she’d abandon this plan….]
I told my au pair that I didn’t think that was very fair and her response was that if the host family decides that they don’t like an au pair, that the au pair then gets 2 weeks to rematch, so the au pair is giving her family the same time in this case. I suggested that this was different because there is no “issue” that requires rematch. She agreed.
In any event, I don’t know the host family, but I feel bad for them, since I know that their au pair has plans to “screw” them. I would be very upset if this happened to me. Any suggestions? Do I just let things be and not interfere since it’s really none of my business?
Image by Kaziro Hasegawa, on Flickr