Having an Au Pair join your family is always emotionally challenging.
Even with the best and most lovely au pairs, it takes effort to get in sync with each other. We not only have to mesh with each other’s ways of doing things, sharing work, managing cars, and caring for kids, but also Host Parents and Au Pairs need to coordinate or mesh with each other’s energy.
Not just our personalities, but the very quality of the energy that each of us brings into social situations.
I love a person with “can do” energy. When I’m around such a person, I feel either like my own “can do” energy is enhanced, or like my “oh woe is me I can’t get anything done” energy is neutralized.
I also love a person who sees the world in a positive way. Or who stays calm in a crisis. Or who gets excited when they see a dog walking towards them in the park.
There are a whole lot of different kinds of energy that work well with mine –– energies that I can ignore, that I can draw on, that I can balance with. And there are a few energies that really don’t work with me, or with my family.
That’s why, if I were this host mom, below, I’d be rematching straight away.
Not because of the au pair’s childcare ability, or driving skills, but because dealing with her energy would completely wipe me out.
It’s not just the anger. It’s the unpredictability. I could deal with an au pair who got angry because she was standing up for herself, but not one who’s angry for reasons that can’t be predicted. There’s no way to prepare myself, steel myself, open up compassion, or do anything other than react, usually in defense. And that’s not the kind of energy I want.
I am a new host mom who’s only had an au pair for two months. But I’m already rethinking my decision and wondering what to do. My Au Pair’s moods and her overall unpredictability are making things difficult.
She often angry for a variety of reasons. Each time, she gives me silent treatment.
What’s weird is that she is friendly, funny, and kind 50% of the time. Usually she’s great with the kids.
But the rest of the time, she has a bad attitude, giving me short answers with angry looks. I can’t be sure what she’ll be like at any given moment.
I do not like having her in the house because her unpredictability puts a cloud over every interaction. It is a relief when she is out. Do I rematch?