Uh Oh. A clash of expectations on the horizon. And, once you discuss it, you might get some pushback from your au pair….
Our au pair has been with us about 5 months. She is ok. Not great by any means. We are not planning to extend with her.
Our biggest issue with her is that she does not want to be a part of our family. She has an American boyfriend and came here to be with him. I believe her reason for extending 6 months would coincide with the time she plans to get married. I really don’t want a so-so au pair who is planning a wedding and hope to do a much better job at finding the perfect au pair next time around…
She mentioned this morning that she wanted to have a discussion with us about extending for either 6 or 9 months. I was hoping to avoid this discussion for as long as possible to avoid this causing issues with her performance for the rest of the year. Any thoughts on how to approach this?
Hi Midwest Mom,
So you want to find a way to say “don’t plan on extending with us” without damaging the (only okay) relationship you currently have? (And, I’m assuming that your AP is not so bad that you imagine you’d want to rematch earlier…)
Since you are only 5-6 months into your year, you still have another 3 months before you’d actually “have to” make the decision and have the conversation about her extending with you (or not). So, I might try saying something like:
We are not really sure yet what our childcare needs and family situation are going to be, that far ahead. We’d like to wait until we need to make that decision, rather than discuss it now and then be faced with changing things around if our needs change.
If it is important to you to ensure that you get an extension for 6 months, remember that there are always families who’d love an extension au pair who knows what she’s doing, and you might even be able to find a better situation, one that gives you time to work on the wedding/one that gets you closer to your fiance, etc. But We’re not ready to have this conversation now.
That said, I do want to tell you how much we’ve been appreciating (add your appreciation here…)
Most of the host parents on this blog agree that it is just NOT a good idea to extend with an au pair that doesn’t’ make you and your family actively happy. Life is too short, and there are many APs out there who’d have a better fit with you and a more fun time.
Parents, what do you think?