Comments on: Settling Accounts — *Before* she departs http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:01:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Anonymous http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5077 Anonymous Sat, 26 Dec 2009 18:13:20 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5077 There is something very interesting here - is the family in fact asking for the money ? Did they come to the aupair and tell her that they want the money or did she just assume that they wanted it ? Probably they do want it and whether they pay it online or in some other manner, it won't be too much bother now, will it ? I think aupairs should buy their own cellphones and not get involved with host families on this matter if possible. If families are going to be business minded about phone bills, well, then, they should check it every month and not let it add up. Public utilities and phone companies would work out a payment bill with customers and in some cases, they are required to do so by law. Same with credit card companies. This kid needs a responsible LCC to step in and help her work things out with the family. I personally have found that email has almost eliminated what was once a big source of contention. Used to be that calling France or Germany in the afternoon on a weekday could add up to $ 50.00 very easily. And did this family never observe an unusually high phone bill. The first time the family refused to check the bill the aupair should have gone running to her LCC and she also should have stopped using the family phone. There is something very interesting here – is the family in fact asking for the money ? Did they come to the aupair and tell her that they want the money or did she just assume that they wanted it ?
Probably they do want it and whether they pay it online or in some other manner, it won’t be too much bother now, will it ?
I think aupairs should buy their own cellphones and not get involved with host families on this matter if possible. If families are going to be business minded about phone bills, well, then, they should check it every month and not let it add up. Public utilities and phone companies would work out a payment bill with customers and in some cases, they are required to do so by law. Same with credit card companies. This kid needs a responsible LCC to step in and help her work things out with the family. I personally have found that email has almost eliminated what was once a big source of contention.
Used to be that calling France or Germany in the afternoon on a weekday could add up to $ 50.00 very easily. And did this family never observe an unusually high phone bill. The first time the family refused to check the bill the aupair should have gone running to her LCC and she also should have stopped using the family phone.

]]> By: Calif Mom http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5064 Calif Mom Thu, 24 Dec 2009 18:39:37 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5064 This is pretty simple: if an AP made calls on the house phone, and knew up front that she would need to pay for them, I'm very impressed that she then asked for the bill. I also understand *completely* that digging out the phone bill would be a PIA, and that the host never got around to it. I don't say that it's *right* for her to have done this, but I understand it. They probably have their bills set up through online payment, and never even think about it. It doesn't matter if one doesn't agree with this, and if you are someone who balances your checkbook every week, I'm impressed and proud of you, but you don't have the right to judge. The AP in this situation should have saved money to pay for her phone bills. Pretty straightforward. I don't think the hosts are trying to do anything malicious here, they're just busy/distracted/lazy/dealing with other bigger issues in their life. There's no way for us to know. But this AP needs to stop feeling like a victim, acknowledge that this is not a match made in heaven, and pay her bill or work out an arrangement to do so if she has already spent the cash that would have gone to the bill. APs--try Skype! It's totally free as long as you have internet access. Phone cards, as mentioned above -- both solutions avoid the whole problem. Hosts --if you're going to nickel and dime your AP about phone calls, look at phone company offers and get an easier plan for your to administer. We had VOIP service for years; super cheap monthly fee and no real charges for long distance charges. Now we've got it all packaged together and we don't bother pinging our AP with little fees like that. We heavily encourage skype and using our VOIP phone line. Much cheaper than picking up your cell phone while you're in the house. This is pretty simple: if an AP made calls on the house phone, and knew up front that she would need to pay for them, I’m very impressed that she then asked for the bill. I also understand *completely* that digging out the phone bill would be a PIA, and that the host never got around to it. I don’t say that it’s *right* for her to have done this, but I understand it. They probably have their bills set up through online payment, and never even think about it. It doesn’t matter if one doesn’t agree with this, and if you are someone who balances your checkbook every week, I’m impressed and proud of you, but you don’t have the right to judge.

The AP in this situation should have saved money to pay for her phone bills. Pretty straightforward. I don’t think the hosts are trying to do anything malicious here, they’re just busy/distracted/lazy/dealing with other bigger issues in their life. There’s no way for us to know.

But this AP needs to stop feeling like a victim, acknowledge that this is not a match made in heaven, and pay her bill or work out an arrangement to do so if she has already spent the cash that would have gone to the bill.

APs–try Skype! It’s totally free as long as you have internet access. Phone cards, as mentioned above — both solutions avoid the whole problem.

Hosts –if you’re going to nickel and dime your AP about phone calls, look at phone company offers and get an easier plan for your to administer. We had VOIP service for years; super cheap monthly fee and no real charges for long distance charges. Now we’ve got it all packaged together and we don’t bother pinging our AP with little fees like that. We heavily encourage skype and using our VOIP phone line. Much cheaper than picking up your cell phone while you’re in the house.

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]]> By: Anonymous http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5063 Anonymous Thu, 24 Dec 2009 18:07:33 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5063 My kids go to a private school and a couple of months ago, the business adminstrator was fired - no dishonesty, just incompetance or too kind a heart due to the economy. Quite a few parents had trouble paying their tuition and the business administrator allowed them to postpone payment. I cannot say how many of my friends have said " they never cashed my check ; I had the money then but I don't have it now ". Well, how did they balance their accounts ? I always found that story fishy. If you wrote a check, you took the money out of circulation. I think these host parents were wrong. I don't know why this young lady is in rematch but my guess is that the host parents really did not want things to be on an equal footing. We all KNOW that the credit card companies do not want us to pay off our balances and that they want us to stay in debt, hopefully forever. I had a similiar experience to the lady who forgot about her bill for a couple of months. My Verizon bill went astray and I got distracted and forgot about it until one day when I was reconciling my acccount. The lady at Verizon said " think of this as a gift ". No, it was not a gift. I like paying my bill on time. I agree that host parents should get their own phones for personal use and use the " company " phone strictly for work related matters. Very few host families let the phone bills total up. My guess is that these people did something wrong by refusing to take payment. Did they want the aupair in their debt so that she could not up and leave ? Did they perhaps think she could " work it off " or maybe they would have forgiven the debt if all went well. Not nice in any case. I am assuming , of course, that we have heard the whole story. But one of my aupairs had a friend whose host father offered to let her work extra hours in exchange for paying off her phone bill. Since it was the end of the year, she felt she had no choice. I told her to talk to her LCC but she never did. I met the LCC in the park and told her my view of the story. She told me that she personally agreed with me but that the agency she worked with would simply tell the girl to pay the money in cash and not work extra hours. But the aupair did not have the money in cash . I later heard that the girl sent home for the money. It is just wrong to allow people to get into debt and then demand payment. I am assuming, of course , that what we have heard is the whole story. My kids go to a private school and a couple of months ago, the business adminstrator was fired – no dishonesty, just incompetance or too kind a heart due to the economy. Quite a few parents had trouble paying their tuition and the business administrator allowed them to postpone payment. I cannot say how many of my friends have said ” they never cashed my check ; I had the money then but I don’t have it now “. Well, how did they balance their accounts ?
I always found that story fishy. If you wrote a check, you took the money out of circulation.
I think these host parents were wrong. I don’t know why this young lady is in rematch but my guess is that the host parents really did not want things to be on an equal footing. We all KNOW that the credit card companies do not want us to pay off our balances and that they want us to stay in debt, hopefully forever.
I had a similiar experience to the lady who forgot about her bill for a couple of months. My Verizon bill went astray and I got distracted and forgot about it until one day when I was reconciling my acccount. The lady at Verizon said ” think of this as a gift “.
No, it was not a gift. I like paying my bill on time.
I agree that host parents should get their own phones for personal use and use the ” company ” phone strictly for work related matters.
Very few host families let the phone bills total up. My guess is that these people did something wrong by refusing to take payment. Did they want the aupair in their debt so that she could not up and leave ? Did they perhaps think she could ” work it off ” or maybe they would have forgiven the debt if all went well. Not nice in any case.
I am assuming , of course, that we have heard the whole story. But one of my aupairs had a friend whose host father offered to let her work extra hours in exchange for paying off her phone bill.
Since it was the end of the year, she felt she had no choice. I told her to talk to her LCC but she never did. I met the LCC in the park and told her my view of the story. She told me that she personally agreed with me but that the agency she worked with would simply tell the girl to pay the money in cash and not work extra hours. But the aupair did not have the money in cash . I later heard that the girl sent home for the money. It is just wrong to allow people to get into debt and then demand payment.
I am assuming, of course , that what we have heard is the whole story.

]]> By: Euromom http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5059 Euromom Thu, 24 Dec 2009 02:38:00 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5059 Hi Sara, the fact of the matter is that you paid your bill because it was that - your bill. You never questioned that it was your bill or that you should or should not have to pay it because it was delivered late, yes I bet it was a horrible shock, but you still paid it and it is the same thing here, the bill needs to be paid. She made it, she pays for it. Simples. And as for treating an an pair like my own child, my child would know better than to spilt hairs with me about money. She knows the importance of being responsible. One thing I have constantly drilled into here is actions have consequences. In this case - using the phone means paying the bill. Hi Sara, the fact of the matter is that you paid your bill because it was that – your bill. You never questioned that it was your bill or that you should or should not have to pay it because it was delivered late, yes I bet it was a horrible shock, but you still paid it and it is the same thing here, the bill needs to be paid. She made it, she pays for it. Simples.

And as for treating an an pair like my own child, my child would know better than to spilt hairs with me about money. She knows the importance of being responsible. One thing I have constantly drilled into here is actions have consequences. In this case – using the phone means paying the bill.

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]]> By: Anonymous http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5056 Anonymous Wed, 23 Dec 2009 20:58:40 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5056 My advice to all APs would be twofold - first, get a calling card and use it, that way you NEVER owe money on the home phone bill. 2nd - if you will use more minutes or text than you are allotted, ask them to up the plan and take the extra cost of doing so out of your weekly pay automatically (ie - if it's 20/month for unlimited texts on your phone, have them take 20 * 12 /52 = $3.15 off your weekly pay. This way, you never owe them anything for the cell, either. My advice to all APs would be twofold – first, get a calling card and use it, that way you NEVER owe money on the home phone bill. 2nd – if you will use more minutes or text than you are allotted, ask them to up the plan and take the extra cost of doing so out of your weekly pay automatically (ie – if it’s 20/month for unlimited texts on your phone, have them take 20 * 12 /52 = $3.15 off your weekly pay. This way, you never owe them anything for the cell, either.

]]> By: Sara Duke http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5052 Sara Duke Wed, 23 Dec 2009 16:42:37 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5052 I disagree with Euromom and Anna. Most of us would be beside ourselves if we had to pay a utility bill after 5 months. This actually happened to me. Someone diverted my phone bill when I hadn't moved, and it took me a couple of months to realize it hadn't come and I hadn't paid it. By the time I managed to convince the phone company that it had been wrongfully diverted (I'm sure by clerical error rather than malicious intent) I owed more money than I could afford -- and I hate using the phone. I paid it off over time, with a penalty. Yes, Sentimental Heart should have pressed her host family harder, but I agree with her -- they treated her unfairly (you'll be wise to warn the au pair that succeeds you). Sentimental Heart, it's a hard lesson but every one of us learns it sooner or later - not everything is fair. Fortunately for you, you took the adult path, and set aside a little of your stipend every week for emergencies. It's not pleasant to have your savings stripped for a bill but sometimes that's what happens. When responding to au pairs and their human imperfections, it might be helpful, as a host parent, to think of how you might treat your own children when they are young adults and trying to learn to balance responsiblity and pleasure. Would you turn your back on your child? Would you totally spoil your child? Your interaction with your au pair may frame your child's perception of how the world works, too. (And au pairs - you may unwittingly be teaching your host children a lesson when you react badly.) It works both ways. I disagree with Euromom and Anna. Most of us would be beside ourselves if we had to pay a utility bill after 5 months. This actually happened to me. Someone diverted my phone bill when I hadn’t moved, and it took me a couple of months to realize it hadn’t come and I hadn’t paid it. By the time I managed to convince the phone company that it had been wrongfully diverted (I’m sure by clerical error rather than malicious intent) I owed more money than I could afford — and I hate using the phone. I paid it off over time, with a penalty.

Yes, Sentimental Heart should have pressed her host family harder, but I agree with her — they treated her unfairly (you’ll be wise to warn the au pair that succeeds you).

Sentimental Heart, it’s a hard lesson but every one of us learns it sooner or later – not everything is fair. Fortunately for you, you took the adult path, and set aside a little of your stipend every week for emergencies. It’s not pleasant to have your savings stripped for a bill but sometimes that’s what happens.

When responding to au pairs and their human imperfections, it might be helpful, as a host parent, to think of how you might treat your own children when they are young adults and trying to learn to balance responsiblity and pleasure. Would you turn your back on your child? Would you totally spoil your child? Your interaction with your au pair may frame your child’s perception of how the world works, too. (And au pairs – you may unwittingly be teaching your host children a lesson when you react badly.) It works both ways.

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]]> By: Anna http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5049 Anna Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:33:39 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5049 You were able to save it because you were not paying all your expenses (phone bill). What is RIGHTFULLY yours is what is remaining after you settle your bill with your family. Wake up, I know it is hard to part with money, but part of it is not yours at this point, you OWE it. Yes, it would be better if the family made you pay every month... but not fair to pay your bill? This is life! You were able to save it because you were not paying all your expenses (phone bill). What is RIGHTFULLY yours is what is remaining after you settle your bill with your family. Wake up, I know it is hard to part with money, but part of it is not yours at this point, you OWE it.
Yes, it would be better if the family made you pay every month… but not fair to pay your bill? This is life!

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]]> By: Euromom http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5044 Euromom Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:01:35 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5044 Hi there sentimental heart, who are you kidding, yourself??? You knew that the bill would have to be settled sooner or later. It is in every guideline, every manual out there, so please do me a favour and do not play the innocent here. "If they intended for you to settle your account then they should have...." your HF always intended for you to settle the account and you knew this. Yes your host parents should have given it to you when you asked for it but you have to bear the consequence that you also let it slide. The bill was and is your responsibility and you should have ensured that the bill did not reach this point because it was your responsibility. You say you had NO idea that the bill would be this high - come on - are you really trying to say that you have not heard your fellow au pairs complain about the bill when they go over their minutes or of host families complain about au pair running up phone bills. Be honest, if it were not so very expensive, then why all the trouble. You were well aware, you knew there was always a bill there and guess what - you are an adult and it won't go away. There is no phone bill fairy for you. You say it's about the priniciple and not the money, pull the other one. It's about the money. If it were about the prinicple, you would have had it out with your HF by now. You would have told them that you wanted to see a monthly bill because you did not want a big bill at the end of your term with them and you would have insisted. Were hoping that it would slide? Well it didn't slide, so pay up. You ask what if you had the money then and don't have it now? Well you should have it now because you should have planned to settle your account. And the money that you saved is only saved because you did not pay off your bills. You say that you are a responsible person, put your money where your mouth is and pay up. You don't think it's fair but what would be fair to you. That your HF pays your phone bill for you? Hi there sentimental heart, who are you kidding, yourself??? You knew that the bill would have to be settled sooner or later. It is in every guideline, every manual out there, so please do me a favour and do not play the innocent here.

“If they intended for you to settle your account then they should have….” your HF always intended for you to settle the account and you knew this. Yes your host parents should have given it to you when you asked for it but you have to bear the consequence that you also let it slide. The bill was and is your responsibility and you should have ensured that the bill did not reach this point because it was your responsibility.

You say you had NO idea that the bill would be this high – come on – are you really trying to say that you have not heard your fellow au pairs complain about the bill when they go over their minutes or of host families complain about au pair running up phone bills. Be honest, if it were not so very expensive, then why all the trouble. You were well aware, you knew there was always a bill there and guess what – you are an adult and it won’t go away. There is no phone bill fairy for you.

You say it’s about the priniciple and not the money, pull the other one. It’s about the money. If it were about the prinicple, you would have had it out with your HF by now. You would have told them that you wanted to see a monthly bill because you did not want a big bill at the end of your term with them and you would have insisted. Were hoping that it would slide? Well it didn’t slide, so pay up. You ask what if you had the money then and don’t have it now? Well you should have it now because you should have planned to settle your account.

And the money that you saved is only saved because you did not pay off your bills. You say that you are a responsible person, put your money where your mouth is and pay up.

You don’t think it’s fair but what would be fair to you. That your HF pays your phone bill for you?

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]]> By: sentimental heart http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5040 sentimental heart Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:06:18 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5040 Thank you :) thats all fine and dany too but, since I've never had to pay an american fone bill and still tryna understand the costs of things I had NO idea of what the costs would be like and so to estimate would be problematic for me and actually WHY should i have to do that - if my HF asks me to do someting or get something for them I do it asap was i wrong to expect the sam kind of courtesy? And another thing, the money wasntthe issue wether i have it or not its the principle or being responsible ... what if i didnt have the money now but i had it then ... Im sorry if i seem agressive but, ive been through alot here and im very drained and yes there are some really seedy and bad APs out there - i can honestly say Im not one of them! this is my career path - kids. im a qualified preschool teacher. Im moral, responsible and very caring and sensitive - i sometimes find these blogs abit harsh on the APs My point is - I think the HF is in the wrong, if they intendt for me to settle my account they should be willing to give it to me when i ask so that there is no friction. Beacuase now all the money i have saved has a large dent in it which i dont think is fair Thank you :) thats all fine and dany too but, since I’ve never had to pay an american fone bill and still tryna understand the costs of things I had NO idea of what the costs would be like and so to estimate would be problematic for me and actually WHY should i have to do that – if my HF asks me to do someting or get something for them I do it asap was i wrong to expect the sam kind of courtesy?

And another thing, the money wasntthe issue wether i have it or not its the principle or being responsible … what if i didnt have the money now but i had it then …

Im sorry if i seem agressive but, ive been through alot here and im very drained and yes there are some really seedy and bad APs out there – i can honestly say Im not one of them!
this is my career path – kids. im a qualified preschool teacher. Im moral, responsible and very caring and sensitive – i sometimes find these blogs abit harsh on the APs
My point is – I think the HF is in the wrong, if they intendt for me to settle my account they should be willing to give it to me when i ask so that there is no friction.

Beacuase now all the money i have saved has a large dent in it which i dont think is fair

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]]> By: cv http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-5039 cv Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:34:27 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/settling-accounts-before-she-departs/2009/08/17/celiaharquail/#comment-5039 Hi Sentimental- It really is a drag to make the effort, get little response, and then end up in the situation you were trying to avoid. We often have to take an extra step to get things resolved ... maybe in this case you could have offered a token payment (an estimate) each month, which could have triggered your host parents into getting out the bill and allowing you to tally up your actually expenses. It is no fun to have to go through the bills, whether you are the host parent or the au pair, and I can see why someone would keep putting it off. And, I can see that it would be a drag to have to continue to ask. On the flip side, maybe you can appreciate that you did use the cell phone etc. for personal calls, and that you didn't haven't to pay until now... your host parents (whether through distraction, or laziness, or whatever) were 'floating' you... and, you probably saved up the money you anticipated that you owed, so it shouldn't be so bad, right? But we'll add to this post-- sometimes everyone has to take the extra step or two. cvh Hi Sentimental-
It really is a drag to make the effort, get little response, and then end up in the situation you were trying to avoid. We often have to take an extra step to get things resolved … maybe in this case you could have offered a token payment (an estimate) each month, which could have triggered your host parents into getting out the bill and allowing you to tally up your actually expenses.
It is no fun to have to go through the bills, whether you are the host parent or the au pair, and I can see why someone would keep putting it off. And, I can see that it would be a drag to have to continue to ask.
On the flip side, maybe you can appreciate that you did use the cell phone etc. for personal calls, and that you didn’t haven’t to pay until now… your host parents (whether through distraction, or laziness, or whatever) were ‘floating’ you… and, you probably saved up the money you anticipated that you owed, so it shouldn’t be so bad, right?
But we’ll add to this post– sometimes everyone has to take the extra step or two.
cvh

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