When I saw this comment pop up earlier tonight, it reminded me of the story that we just discussed… so many similar issues. So I have an idea– let’s take a vote on whether or not this mom should insist on a rematch. Then, let’s give this mom some ideas about what to tell her LCC….
This will be long, so I’ll post the story, then the poll. In the comments, go ahead and give some specific advice if you’d like. Here we go:
Hi — I have two children 8 and 10. This is my first au pair from Germany. She has been here 5 months. At the beginning she was homesick and wanted to leave. I sort of had to be her mother figure to turn the situation around. Not exactly what I had planned for. I wasn’t looking for another child, just someone to take care of my kids and hopefully have a cultural influence.
To make a very long story short, now everything is about her and not about my family. If I tell her something must be done before she finishes for the day, she either has an attitude about how I am ruining her life because she had plans, or crying, or door slamming or something. If I insist that she finishes up before leaving, then I have to go back and fix everything because it is an unacceptable job and she knows better. It is only getting worse.
Today, she told me that she HAD to have the day off. I told her that my husband was away and that I had plans. I rarely get a day off from work. She cried and told me that she couldn’t possibility work because she had a bad headache. I had to make an appointment with the doctor immediately. Then her mother called yelling at me that I was making her daughter sick. Her work schedule is about 30 hours per week. She never is willing to work a weekend because she always has plans and says the kids can stay by themselves.
My coordinator keeps telling me to work with her. This is a cultural experience. Am I wrong to believe that she is working for me and my needs should come first. I am a very giving person and have a very hard time saying no, but I have reached my limit. I feel like I am working for her. How should I handle this mess?
I have a very high level executive position and I would never let a person that works for me do this, but this program has me very confused. Is she an employee? She doesn’t think so. Or is she a family member that can do what she pleases and I have to put up with it. How do you balance this? She is really upsetting my kids who will no longer listen to her. I really can’t blame them.
Also, is eating including in the hours works. She will get up in the morning and instead of making the kids breakfast, she will sit down and make herself breakfast and eat it. I am running around trying to get out the door and she feels I should feed the kids. I told her that she need to eat before she was on duty, but she informed me that she was told that she started the day with her having breakfast and it was included in the hours. This is same with lunch and dinner. She won’t eat with the kids and then I have to feed them when I get home from work. I told her to get up earlier, etc. but she said NO. This is the way it works and what all of her friends do. I find this very hard to believe. My kids are not being fed properly. Is this right??????
Is she allowed to work when the kids are not home? She said that she was told that she can only work when the kids are home. So she does the laundry when the kids are home from school instead of helping with homework. Is this true? I thought with the extra hours (15 hours) she could straighten up and do laundry before the kids came home from school so all the time could be devoted to kids activities. What do you all do?
Parents, you vote. (you can chose more than one answer.)
What should this host mom say to her LCC (and herself) to make this rematch happen?