My Random, Crazy & True AP Story
We here at AuPairMom invite you to tell us some of your random, crazy and true stories about your experience with an au pair. We know you have stories, and we invite you to let ’em loose.
Just two constraints:
- 1. The story has to be TRUE.
- 2. The story has to be told in one sentence.
So here’s the challenge:
Tell us about an outlandish au pair-related situation that is actually TRUE. It can be good, bad or neutral, but the story needs to be TRUE. It can be first or second hand, but no further, so that you’re sure it is TRUE.
Maybe this way I we can get out some of our yah-yahs. It’s a grey day here– lighten it up!
My Random, Crazy & True AP Story in One Sentence…
in the comments, below:
Molly’s Gone Gaga by Annie in Beziers’ on Flickr
{ 221 comments }
1. My neighbor’s au pair signed up with a NYC escort service to make extra money.
ROTFLMAO. Are you glad you got that off your chest? :) Thanks for sharing on a Friday afternoon.
Our Afrikaans AP flew her black BBH to the US for vacation without telling her parents, knowing that they sent her “abroad” for a year to get away from him and I was the one to unknowingly drop the bomb to her mother on the phone.
My au pair from Germany was asked to use our Toyota Corolla for a few days while “HER” Honda Accord was in the shop, she refused to drive the “ghetto mobile” and said she was sick.
AP took 24 hours to take a trip from the West Coast to Niagara Falls and back — spent 21h in transit, and had a great time.
AP Stopped car in middle of busy 4 lane Road, got out, locked keys in car, and couldn’t understand why she had 40 people stop to offer her assistance.
I’m curious why she stopped??
She was lost. Got out to figure out where she was. She was completely confused as to why everyone kept asking her if she was okay. It was a _major_ 4 lane road in our area, with a speed limit of 45 mph. (She also happened to do that the day we brought our second child home from the hospital, and called my husband to come and get her (in the days before cell phones were common). Mostly she called because they (she called a friend who came to help) tried calling a lock smith and that was going to be too expensive.)
My husband and I were stunned that she managed to talk herself out of the ticket the copy was going to give her.
Before a long road trip we stocked up on paperbacks for kid to read; Day 2 AP rifled through the shopping bag, convinced Kid the Elder to swap the first book in the series with her, dove into the book and ignored the toddler screaming in the carseat next to her for the next 6 hours. (One of many stories that Pointy Boots provided us in just a few short days before we booted her.)
CV, great format! Also love the new indented comments, so we can comment on the right person’s post. Nice tweak!
To clarify, this was the AP’s second day with us, not the second day of a car trip.
Our AP thought it was OK to put visine in the new puppys eyes because they were red!
LOL, that is hilarious!!!
hahahaha hilarious!!!!!
My Au Pair “found out” that she was pregnant of her boyfriend (at her home country) after 1 month living with us.
I she arrived in the end of March 2006 I so know who she is!!! She even told us all who had flown to the U.S with her that she had a sick person in the family and then showed up with a big belly on her pictures a few months later….
AP went home to visit, found out previous girl friend was pregnant and didn’t come back.
hahaha what a reason
My AP asked me how to make a fake ID so she could go out to the bars.
ROTFLMAO!
Ditto.
Ours too!!! Only the agency didnt believe us because they trusted the “intern” helping her!
Ours bought a laminating machine to generate her (and others?) fake id(s), posted the instructions on how to do it on her bulletin board and talked about it on facebook.
Were you a FB friend of hers? OMG… see, the brain not maturing until 25 things is so real, folks!
There is a good reason that I FB friend my AP and all of her AP friends!
Didn’t have to FB friend…she hadn’t applied securities to her FB page…it was out there for the world to see!
Everything was always posted on FB about ours. UGH
My husband and I overheard our au pair tell a friend that she had received $300 for having sex.
oh no. That’s horrible.
My friend’s aupair tried to become a surrogate mother while she was here – she wasn’t accepted, thank God.
My aupair once missed the last bus to our NY suburb. She found some tourists from Dubai and “spent” the night in their hotel room to avoid waiting until the morning bus.
How incredibly dangerous. Thankfully, nothing happened to her that night.
Our au pair smashed a screen door in with a sledge hammer because she couldn’t find the key but she had our cell # and she knew we were in town!
Our AP was driving home around 2 in the morning when a drunk doctor, who was receiving oral sex from a woman he picked up at a bar, smashed into the rear end of the our brand new Toyota Corolla and totalled it!
I think this one should win a prize.
I’m thinking “GARP.”
I’m hoping it wasn’t our former AP in the car with the doctor! LOL
ROFL!
The afternoon that we told our ap from Belgium that we were going to enter into rematch, she took our two year old twins to the park that you can see from our driveway, was not home three hours later after dark and dinner, claimed she got lost and just went to another park 20 minutes away, cops helped her pack her things before our LCC picked her up.
Scary!
The Fake ID one is the best ever! hahaha
Three weeks before she was going home, we found out that our Bosnian AP was stealing from us (for at least 5 months!) – glad I found my video camera, watch, necklace, clothing, swim goggles, Bliss cosmetics before she left – sorry I can’t recoup the hundreds of dollars she took (cash back when filling the car, buying groceries!)
My aupair failed her driving test 5 times, finally got it and totaled the car on her first outing alone.. Still, she was an amazing au pair :-)
hahahah love it!
Our AP, who looks for every excuse possible not to pay for her own gasoline, just asked us whether she has to refill the tank to full after her entire exclusive weekend use of the car because she “drives economically”– not only does this not make sense (if the car is on full when her use of it starts, she’s expected to refill it to that point), her claim of economic driving isn’t even true because I had to remind her to stop speeding the one time she drove me!
I came home early one day because of severe weather warnings and found the AP and my kids in the laundry room, all wearing bike helmets (the laundry room was part of our tornado plan, the bike helmets were the AP’s [awesome] idea).
this is my favorite :-)
LOL. The mental picture I have is hilarious!
Very sweet!
that is fantastic!
I think I might put this in our handbook! :)
Love it.
Omg, this was cute in so many levels that i can even hahahahahaha own
After having formal portraits taken at a local studio, our male au pair used his 2 weeks of vacation driving around Texas trying to find Beyonce’s parents’ home so he could deliver said portraits along with handwritten letters to her and her parents regarding his fitness as a suitor for her hand (he needed the 2 weeks because I declined to let him use our au pair credit card to pay a private detective for her address). All that said, he was a super au pair (if a lot naive) and he now has a lovely girlfriend and an advanced degree in chemistry.
priceless!
After our AP got into her last of a handful of car accidents, she decided she was unhappy with our new restrictions on car use, so she went out and bought her own.
That is AWESOME! Every time our AP complains that our (generous) car privileges are not enough for her, I wish she would do the same thing.
BTW–I love this thread, CV–helps blow off some steam over the sometimes silly, sometimes scary stuff.
There are just too many good stories out there! I think sometimes we need to be reminded of the range of things that APs do that surprise us :-)
I’ll delete this one when I get home. No need to be mean. Grrr
cv
My au pair who’s only been with us for 5 months, is crying at the thought that she will have to leave us (19 months from now, yes, we are talking about extension) and will not see my kids every day. *heart*
cute
It’s not a story about au pairs, but the first thing my host dad said to me was “no alcohol. no cigarettes. only cocaine.” LOL.
our au pair was playing hide & seek with the kids, and somehow got herself tucked into the bottom shelf of the armoire in her room. We killed ourselves laughing while carefully extracating her.
I hope you were home when this happened! Although it’s funny to imagine your coming home to unsupervised children destroying the house and when you ask, “where’s your au pair?” the children nonchalantly say, “stuck in her dresser, Mommy.”
Our under age au pair kept beer cans (full) on her closet floor, diet pills on her night stand and a razor blade (for heaven knows what) on her bathroom counter and thought we were overreacting by being upset and demanding she loose or safely put up things that our toddler twins, our 7 yo son and all of his friends could find.
ughhhhhhhhh
Our aupair has broken all of the rules. Cerfew, Bars underage, drinking, sex…and the coordinator believes she is an angel. She lives with the coordinator until she finds the perfect family..UGH Now I have photos and video that will be sent to the agency and to the facebook link of the agency!
AP took kids to park; Oldest had to poop, so the AP let her go in the bushes behind the play area rather than take her to the bathroom 25 yards away.
I went to the kitchen and saw our AP cook on our flat top stove…literally on it — without a pan/pot!!!
This one made me laugh out loud!! :D
did it taste good??? ;-)
What about my mom, she prefers tell everybody I am her nanny because she is to lazy to explains what is an Au Pair!
pretty judgmental on your part. Maybe your host mom is tired of trying to explain the whole au pair concept. I live in a very small town and I can explain the entire au pair thing to some people and they either say “oh, she’s like a nanny” or “so, she’s a foreign exchange student”.
It’s not that I’m lazy, as you say, but that I often have other things to do or I don’t have the patience to explain the whole thing again to someone I doubt will understand it anyway.
I know some people dont have an idea about the concept of an “Au Pair”, but rather than I think, that’s was her word one by one! And yes, I agree, I sometimes find myself telling I am “like a nanny”
Darthastewart – my kids call me mom (even in front of their real mom), so some people think I am the (ex-lover) new and younger wife!
And others make comments about “my” beautiful kids because we look pretty much alike! Even when they know about the twins they ask me how I did to loose the extra weight in 1 month!
Off-topic here (sorry), but I was struck by Annabelly’s use of the word “lazy.” And then I remembered that we had to explain to our au pair that that was an insulting word in English, and that people say it about themselves but don’t want to hear other people say it.
Back to topic, I also say nanny instead of au pair when I don’t have time to get into the “what is an au pair” discussion. But if we’re out and she’s not on duty, we introduce her as a family friend.
I agree with Annabelly- it’s annoying when people say I’m a nanny instead of an au pair. If someone doesn’t know what an au pair is, just explain the concept, it’s not that difficult. Think of it as five magnificent minutes to take out of your busy day where you can be enlightening your small town as to what an au pair is. Can you imagine a corporate boss fudging up someone’s title because they couldn’t be bothered to get it right?
Most people have no idea what an au-pair is. I will usually tell people she’s my au-pair, but sometimes I’ll say she’s a cross between a nanny and a foreign exchange student. Some people assume she’s my daughter. Some have assumed the au-pair is my husband’s younger girlfriend. (they really thought we had some kind of threesome going- even travelling with a small child) Sometimes I just say she’s my friend.
How do I explain when I have my current au-pair and a former one with me? I just tell them it’s a couple of friends.
I didn’t know that the term “nanny” was offensive to au pairs? We use “nanny,” “exchange student,” “babysitter” and “au pair” pretty interchangably when we are introducing our au pair, or telling another parent that she is going to pick the kids up from a playdate, etc. I don’t think other parents notice a difference…they know that she is part of the family and does a lot of things with us.
personally, i don’t think nanny is an offensive term for au pairs. it wouldn’t be for me. when there was time to explain i did. when there wasn’t nanny or babysitter was just fine for me.
maybe you should ask your AP if she feels degraded by the term nanny to be certain.
I don’t think it is either. Before coming here I used the terms AP and nanny interchangeably because not everyone knew what an AP was and it got old fast explaining it all the time. Now that I’m here to adults I refer to myself as an AP (everyone I’ve met here knows what one is, they either have had one or were one at some point) and to the kids mine havg out with I sometimes refer to myself as a babysitter, as there is a huge language gap and that is usually better understood.
as a nanny, I find it offensive to be called a babysitter; other girls may not. I’m a live-in, (very) full-time nanny/household manager who does pretty much everything for the family I’m with. I’m not a babysitter. lol
I can agree that a nanny should not be called a babysitter, but I also refer to my AP as our nanny sometimes. I’m pretty lazy though :)
hahahah
shame on her!
As I have said before I have been an aupair in the states through an agency and then a Nanny in Canada on my own and in the processess of applying to do a repeat year with an agency next year. I actually prefer the word “Nanny”. To me it sounds more professional. I do like AuPair too though and it came in handy when I was actually a “Nanny” in Canada explaining what I was too the parents at the french school. But I generally called myself the Nanny It is also easier to explain, Either name when I tell people what I am its always greatly recieved people think it is wonderful that, I am overseas, young and looking after children. I am proud of my profession and thats what it is to me, I am qualified, experienced, am good at what I do and absoultley love love my Job and never want to do anything else. I love the support I get with the aupair agency to allow me to live my dreams overseas looking after children.
aussiegirlaupair – when you decide to look for another family, please let me know – you seem absolutely fabulous!
I agree; I think “nanny” seems more professional. Aupair sounds more exotic, though… :)
Interesting side conversation about how to introduce your AP– whether to use AP, Nanny, Babysitter, or friend, or even just “she lives with us and helps with the kids”.
I’ve found myself at a loss too– wanting to say “AP”, but then not wanting to explain (it surprises me how many people don’t know what an AP is).
Hearing the APs side has made me realize it’s something I should talk to her about, and see if there is one approach that she feels most comfortable with!
I saw “this is M, our au pair from Sweden who is spending the year with us”. If the person doesn’t understand that explanation, I follow with, “she’s similar to a nanny only she lives with us, helps with the kids and goes to college”.
I start my first adventure in 6 weeks, and when people who don’t know what an au pair is that is exactly what i tell them…. a live in nanny. I have no same in being called a nanny.
I had this struggle before I found this particular thread and I think this is perfect (and similar to what I do say – but a nice succinct script).
I did discuss it with AP before and when she arrived – she was surprised that people in America would not all know what an AP is but I too live in a somewhat small (and predominantly blue collar) town. She was comfortable with what I proposed, which is to say that she is a young woman here from France on an exchange program who is helping us take care of our kids while experiencing America.
I have NEVER had anybody know what I mean when I say au pair. Even if they recognized the term, they still did not really know what it meant (often asking if she was from the United States or if she would be living with us). Last week, I introduced AP to my son’s teacher and it took a looooooong discussion to explain the AP and her role and I am still not sure the teacher understood!
The words Nanny and Au Pair really shouldn’t be used inappropiately. Usually, a Nanny has had experience working with children or may have Child Care qualifications. An Au Pair has no formal child care qualifications and even more concerning, some have no experience in caring for kids at all. The difference in pay rates reflects this.
Just to make clear, I never called my HM lazy, she calls herself like that, and Second, I don’t have problem with the term “Au Pair”, “Nanny” or “Babysitter”, for me is kind of the same.
But, is you look at Facebook, there are many groups called: “I’m an Au Pair, not a nanny!” BTW I am not part of that group!
I dont like being called Nanny. Why? Because I am not. I am au pair. if you have an au pair explain what it is. Its a GOvernment exchange program where young ladies from other countris has the opportunity to study and take care of kids. I dont think it’s offensive but it’s not right. For me it is lazyness. Although if host families wants to call us nanny they should pay us what a Nanny earns. :)
I’ve been reading this thread and I truly don’t understand what all the fuss is about. An au pair asked “Can you imagine a corporate boss fudging up someone’s title because they couldn’t be bothered to get it right?”
…uhh…yeah I can imagine it and so what? I can’t fathom letting it bother me that much. Perhaps Americans are not as title oriented as those in other countries…
When I am describing my au pair to someone with whom she will only have one time contact (e.g., a repair person), I say “babysitter.” It’s just not worth the extra confusion/time to go into a longer explanation. When I am describing her to someone with whom she may have repeated contact (the school, a teacher, another parent), I always use the term “au pair.”
Also, comparing au pair pay to nanny pay is not comparing “apples to apples” in terms of reponsibilities. Nannies do a lot more than au pairs. My nannies worked far more than 45 hours/week, washed family laundry, took care of the clutter, ran errands, went grocery shopping mutiple times/week, took the cars for service, arrived knowing how to follow a recipe and willing to cook, were solid drivers on day 1, etc. On a per hour basis, the gap isn’t that great. I’ve been fortunate to have had two excellent au pairs, but they are no comparison to an American nanny.
Ha! We have evidence our “big boss” doesn’t know the names of people who work right down the hall from her, much less each person’s titles! Good point.
Oh, Busy Mom, you had Alice from Brady Bunch. I want her… I’m just sure she never fed the kids dessert right before I came home from work to make dinner and then left the dishes on the table for the dog to ‘clean’.
I think this all depends on who is asking the question.
Family and friends have a natural interest in your aupair and are interested in her as a person. Every Tom , Dick and
Harry in the mall or the park is not entitled to an explanation. Sometimes I say this is my aupair , sometimes I say this is my nanny and sometimes I say this is my niece.
Sometimes saying this is my niece is a polite way of saying to a stranger ” go away , mind your own business and do not bother this young woman or I will call the police “. Then, there are other people to whom I enjoy explaining the relationship. One time my husband picked our aupair up at the mall – she locked the keys in
the car and when he arrived to said to some unwelcome helpers ” This is my Dad “. I thought that was just fine.
The ” helpers ” left very quickly.
Reiterating what I said above/cultural lesson time: please take care when you use the term “lazy.” It is EXTREMELY insulting in America.
So, au pairs, if you are insulted by the term “nanny,” ask your host parents not to call you that. But realize some things: (1) a nanny is a respected professional here, (2) don’t call an American “lazy” unless you want to hurt her feelings, (3) between the room, board, education expenses, and health insurance [such as it is] provided by your agency from the fees we pay…you ARE being paid as much as a nanny.
But they’re not a nanny, that’s the point. Regardless if the fees add up to it.
are nannies in the us paid just a minumum wage?
Not many “real” nannies (not babysitter or undocumented workers) work for minimum wage. We also get other benefits.
Nannies in our area, who are legally permitted to work, usually start at $15 an hour – more with experience – have at least two weeks paid vacation (not necessarily concurrent with employer’s vacation), sick days, and usually are able to negotiate that 100% of social security, taxes, and health insurance are paid by the employer. Most families in my area double on nannies, because unless they are extremely wealthy, the cost is prohibitive. Having tried, it is nearly impossible to sponsor a domestic worker as an employer (it took us 3 years just to rise to the top of the US Dept. of Labor’s review list, which was required before presentation to Homeland Security, and by that time our AP/Nanny had moved on).
Quite frankly, I don’t know anyone in my area, outside of undocumented workers, who works for minimum wage. (And for APs who think they are underpaid – the cost of room and board is calculated along with the stipend), but what is not – is the car insurance, the college stipend, extra cable TV hookup, etc. that the HF picks up as part of having you live in their home. (I hope not grudgingly.)
If you are thinking that it would be easy to get a nanny job illegally, you may be right, but you won’t be protected if your employer decides to fire you. I’d hire a lawyer before making that move – because I would want to know what my rights are and what my requirements are (e.g. filing social security, income taxes, etc.). Purchasing health insurance can be prohibitively expensive.
Just a little suggestion: This is supposed to be a thread about Stories and not about wether some AuPairs don’t like to be called Nannies or the difference between Nannies and AuPairs.
I guess every AuPair and every HF handles it differently so I would say either this discussion becomes a new thread or we should just leave it where it is and continue posting AuPair Stories :)
Thanks Anna-
I’ve been wanting to move the thread to another post of its own, but that takes a lot of time and I haven’t gotten to it…..yet!
Sorry CV–I thought I was through reading all the tangent comments, whoops! Back on track now :)
It was so much fun when we were talking about AP stories. I am an au pair but you can call me slave, if you like :-)
Funny thing about my host family
They txt me at 8pm on a sunday (when i am always off) saying that I should come home now to talk about the bathroom (??) I think to myself, “maybe they are reforming it and need opinions” lol
I get home and host mom says for me to DONT put the toothpast in the dryer.
LOL
That’s a great one. Thanks for sharing it!
You put the toothpaste in the dryer? :D
Could be a good story the other way around as well: “My au pair put the toothpaste in the dryer”
My first au-pair ended up with a diaper in the washing machine. First and only time it’s happened with four kids. (so far… KNOCK on wood!)
My sister did that! little fuzzy sticky bits of white fluff evenly distributed throughout the entire contents of the dryer. I think we finally used duct tape to collect them all off the clothes. I was 8 but I remember like it was yesterday…these were the early days of disposables. Memories….
Of course I did while trying to organize the mess the bathroom always is but I put it in the DRAWER, not the dryer lol
My host kid who is 3 told her I put the toothpaste in the drawer but somehow she understood dRyer..
All i COULD think was : WTF?
LOL
I would always take a 3 yo’s reportage with a grain of salt! Everyone should remember to seek information, not blame, in what seem to be bizarre situations. Too funny! The perils of (mis)communication.
This is a good crazy au pair story:
Our au pair, who has trouble waking up too early, was up at 5am this morning, on her own, because we are taking her to the Bruce Springsteen concert tonight and she is soooo excited.
I wanna be your au pair. Bruuuuuuuuuuuce!
Our AP put diesel in the (gas) car despite my young children’s protests from inside the car.
Ouch! Hope the car wasn’t damaged. Did you drain the tank or just run it? I wouldn’t know what to do!
(IMHO, the APs who *do* listen to the kids are the ones who work out wonderfully.)
You’re right! I always ask the little ones where are the things around the house, what they normally have for breakfast or for exemple, where should I put the towels. I’ve been babysitting alot and I can tell when a child is honest or not. But mostly, they’re just happy to help you and they feel like they have a responsability. And they sometimes say ‘ mummy doesn’t do like this’ and it helps you to see how the things are going around the house. Because sometimes the parents are busy and they can’t explain you EVERYTHING!
My child that I looked after was a pathological liar. I couldn’t believe a word she said. Thankfully, neither did her parents.
Our au pair backed our car into the house that we were renting while on vacation! The reason she gave was “bad luck”.
i was an au pair in brisbane in australia, my mobile phone wasnt working so the dad gave me his old phone to keep. the old phone was full of dirty text messages from his wife and dirty videos of them to together, i never looked at them the same way again
ewwwwwww!!!
I am just so glad to hear that the texts were from his wife and not some girlfriend, LOL!
I have a few more…
My husband and I found the bumper to our au pair car had been badly damaged… and taped together with scotch tape from the kitchen. My husband said, “Nothing says ‘Au Pair’ like a scotch taped bumper!”
This same au pair also had a thing for looking at porn on our family’s computer- it was right in the internet history! It was easy to identify as hers (and not my husband’s for instance), because everyone in the photos was of her particular race and all of the text was in German! I called my husband and said, “Are you into German internet porn?” His reply: “I prefer the text to be in Swedish.”
Weirdly, she was an otherwise decent au pair!!
“Nothing says ‘Au Pair’ like a scotch taped bumper!”
LOL!!! you sound like really cool HPs :)
I should start this off by saying that all of our pairs have been fantastic young women who have taken good care of my severely retarded and medically fragile child. They work hard and I appreciate it.
However, I have many au pair stories. My first au pair’s friend washing and dried a car mat in our washer and dryer because she got something on it and her HM was angry. You should have seen me, when I got home after my AP had gone out on a Friday night to find car grease inside the inside of both my washer and dryer (and me with tons of laundry to do at the weekend)!
Because I cook and have plenty of baking and cooking supplies, my house always seems to be the place where au pairs try out new recipes. However, once another HM sent her au pair to my house to try a new recipe for her! I don’t mind my au pairs cooking for themselves, but for other HM? Too much!
A recent au pair was too trusting. After one of her friends got kicked out of her house by her HM, she came to live with us (I immediately hid as many valuables as I could). This ex-AP stole $80, a brand-new digital camera, and countless toiletries from my AP, and then had the chutzpah to ring her up when she had moved on to ask my AP to help her purchase a ticket back home! Fortunately my AP had a clue by then.
My favorite, though is the time that my au pair was driving home from the pediatrician with my daughter and son. Her best friend was with her to help guide her home and swore up and down that she knew the way. The two of them ended up driving completely in the opposite direction and took 2 1/2 hours to get home – until the friend found a familiar landmark – (this before we gave APs a cell phone). Needless to say, after that, we didn’t ask, “Do you know how to get home?” We said, “Tell me how you’re going to get home!” (My kids were not harmed, and I still find it enormously funny.)
I have one that I just remembered last night. My previous au pair grated cheese with the microplane grater, put the dirty grater (with cheese still stuck to it) back in the plastic sleeve that protects the grater and put it back in the drawer without getting it washed first. I asked her about it because I found it in the drawer in that state and could only assume it was her. She was embarressed but didn’t explain why she did it. I also would occasionally find dirty steak knives put back in the slots of the wood knife block. I never asked her about that but it must have been her also. I just shrugged my shoulders because I couldn’t think of any cultural differences that would be an explanation for putting dirty things back in storage without cleaning them first. Weird.
You’d be surprised what “clean” means in various countries. Sometimes it means freakishly clean and sometimes just as long as it isn’t rotting. Haha
One of my kids got an Ipod last Christmas and asked me to help her to download her songs. To put music into the ipod you need to open a program on the computer which automatically download the songs from your computer to your Ipod. However, in addition to music the program sends all the videos you have on the computer to the ipod. (such a nice technology!!!) The 8 years old girl end up with an Ipod full of music and porn video from her dad. So embarrassing for me and for him, since I had to tell him to be careful having that kind of video on the family computer with 4 kids under 10 at home.
What a brave AP to tell her HD to be careful with his “materials”!
[Apples are great–you can set up a separate desktop for each household member, with individualized password protection, settings for internet access/parental controls, and even ‘working hours’ so the kids can’t get up in the middle of the night to surf the web, but AP can if she wants to.]
You can do that on any computer.
OMG! How embarassing………….for you, her and him…….
My first AP was German and arrived at our home with very little English. A few weeks into her placement, she had taken a phone message for me while I was out. She said it was from the “Criminal Agency.” I thought OMG what would a criminal agency want with me. She handed me the piece of paper with the number on it and so I proceeded to call it. It was my CLEANING AGENCY that answered!!!….At first I was so relieved, then we just laughed our heads off. She never had the confidence to take a message again!!
at least she tried taking a message – my current Aupair who has spotless English won’t answer the phone.
We tried a male AuPair last year and when we felt we needed to have a mediation with he and the coordinator re: the EXTREME porn downloads that her had placed on our computer his response was…” I don’t understand what’s wrong, I paid for the movies with my own Euros” …hello!! we have 2 young boys AND a 12 year old daughter! Hope he enjoyed the flight back to Germany. The agency removed him that night.
We had an au pair who was taking nude photos of herself, uploading them and emailing to her boyfriend back in Germany, from the kids computer! Thankfully, we found them before the kids.
There were a group of Polish girls in our former area “cluster” who took nude photos of each other…”doing things”…to each other…tried to sell them to a porn site. Not sure if they succeeded, they explained their actions by saying they could not have any fun on what little they were paid.
Oh my. How were they found out?
We had the carpets cleaned during the day and when I came home the au pair had tied plastic bags on everyone’s feet and they were all “skating” on the wet/slippery carpet. A fantastically funny sight!
My GF’s AP was from Bonsia (I think?). They introduced her to next-door neighbor divorcee who was of same nationality so she would feel more at home, find groceries, reading materials, etc. She ended up sleeping with him, getting pregnant by a guy 17 years older than her. They kicked out the AP (other issues too). She married the neighbor. My GF was pregnant at the time too. They still live next door to each other. The “babies” are now 6 and in first grade together. But the AP and my GF don’t talk.
oh my.
My gosh, that must be the most aawkward situation ever. Ever.
OMG….
I am an Au Pair. I have two stories to tell about my time in my last host family. Firstly: I was “not allowed personal use of the car” for (at first a MONTH!) 2 weeks because I had returned the car a total of 1 hour late WITH permission by my HM on a saturday night while they were at home watching a movie. Secondly that same host family basically forgot my birthday. And their gift to me late in the evening? A bag of purple M&Ms and a card.
at least you got something…I got 2 tickets for a musical..or that’s what they said I would get…my bday was in november an I’m still waiting…
i had an au pair friend who worked for a single dad and his bathroom happened to be right across the hall from her bedroom. lets just say, he would always “forget” to close his door when he took showers….. jeez
I am an Au Pair, i found the eldest boy spinning around on the spot in the garden… next thing i knew we were all doing it, three young boys the mum and me laughing our brains out :) Lets just say i’m glad i recorded it on my phone as it’s one of the funniest sights i’ve ever seen.
AP 1 took nude photos of herself with our camera and left them on the memory stick.
AP 2 got involved with an awful guy, gave him all of her savings, then they broke up.
AP 3 got pregnant.
AP 4 – no stories yet, but I’m sure we’ll have one before the year is out.
My question is, why do you keep getting au pairs?? After having similar stories with just 2 au pairs, my husband have given up on the idea of au pair childcare. Why keep up with the drama when daycares aren’t much more expensive???
or just hire a male au pair ;)
BeBeT, I’m not sure how old your kids are, but I have older kids who are each involved in a number of extracurricular activities to which they need to be driven.
Most of these activities don’t take place at school, so aftercare is not feasible. My options are:
– a nanny (hours not flexibe enough and cost is high)
– part-time babysitters (I’d probably need 1 for the morning and another for after school/early evening. the total cost might be a tad less than an au pair – assuming that I was comfortable having the babysitter drive my kid in her car and therefore could retire the 3rd car. However, I’d probably end up with college students someone who was unable to find a permanent job at the moment. My sense is that I’d experience a lot of turnover and might find the sitters to be unreliable (e.g., during finals). I’d also have the additional headache of managing multiple people.
– an au pair
Of these options, for our family, an au pair is the clear winner. I dream about someday having our house to ourselves again (we’ve had live-in childcare for 14 years), but I think we’re still a ways away from that goal.
I’d love to hear about any other options people have discovered!
Au Pairs.
For me, day care was not an option. I have a special needs child, who as a preschooler required medication and therapy. Even if I could have found someone to take her (I didn’t), it would have cost me the infant rate. My first AP had been a pediatric intensive care nurse in her home country. Couldn’t have been more perfect.
Fast forward, same child is now on special needs Medicaid (not dependent on family income). We gutted our house to put on a handicapped accessible bed & bath, which required gutting AP room. In the 11 months we had “free” Medicaid nursing, we went through 25 nurses, included 5 who failed to show up for shift without notice (not to mention all those who failed to show up with sufficient notice that required me to go home, meet my daughter, and then put her in the car and race back to my son’s school to pick him up from aftercare). My son hated aftercare so much that I don’t think he cared with whom we matched as long as he could go home after school.
Sure, it’s a huge expense, and it requires living with another person, but for me, having a licensed driver schlep my kids around, participate in therapies, and become a real part of my kids’ lives is totally worth it.
I’m now 10 years into AP care, and not looking forward to the day we age out and I have to figure out how to get reliable care for my daughter. All the craziness is worth it — and I get to have stories to tell at work!
One of our APs cooked a frozen pizza as a late night snack for her and her friend, but left it on the cardboard disk from the box and set off the smoke detectors. Luckily my toddler and infant were heavy sleepers but the APs were worried b/c I told them my rule is “you wake ’em, you take ’em.”
Another good one – a few months into her stay another AP complained that our vacuum cleaner was super difficult to use and didn’t even suck up the dirt. She had been pushing around the vacuum in the upright position! We showed her how it is much easier to use and sucks up more dirt when you release it from the upright position. :)
My Au-pairs friend was matched with a HF in a southern state, ( very outgoing and lovely AP) When she arrived the house was beautiful she was given the whole lower half of the home, beautiful room, kitchen and bath all to herself. The HM was 25 with 5 children under 6 and the HD was in his 40+ ( Doctor) both Muslim. The HM told the AP that when my husband arrives home you are to go to your room and you are not permitted to eat with us! Needless to say, she rematched after 6 weeks.
Single HD in our group just recently seperated from HM. Previously they have always had female AP. When Male AP arrived the poor guys room was still pink and decorated with all female articles, bedding, etc. The male AP posted the pictures on Facebook with a comment ” my new room” in fact I think it is still that way. Host dad is a doctor. Poor Guy.. I felt bad for him!
Week 1: Fell asleep and forgot to pick my son up from school
Week 2: Rearranged my pantry & locked her and the kids out of the house. 1 1/2 hours to drive home and back to work
Week 3: Emailed me her social calendar
Week 4: Set the home alarm off because she didn’t put the dog in her kennel. Called her to go home because the police were already on their way. She was shopping at Walmart. Called her 10 minutes later – still shopping at Walmart
Week 5: Lost the kids at local water park
Week 6: didn’t go anywhere – talked on the phone all day
Week 7: Snuck some boys/friends into the house (the actually flew in from her country) while we were out of town
Week 8: Working on rematch
Wow. Those are all crazy! I can see why you are in rematch!! Although, I personally don’t see what is wrong with her emailing you her calender. I would think that would be more helpful regarding planning schedules, etc. then if she just sprang on you that she had plans, etc. My AP tells me when she has things planned with friends, classmates, etc. We can then plan schedules that everyone is happy with.
I’m guessing the AP emailed Jennifer her social calendar so that Jennifer would rearrange her schedule to accommodate the AP.
As an au pair my host mom asked for a schedule. We have a right to have a life, too. We are there to work, yes, but should not have to cancel everything no mater what for the host family. My au pair mom also let me have a friend fly in for a week to visit while they were out of town. I don’t see why you would not allow that. Living with in a very strict family can be difficult and cause rebellion.
If you’ll reread she didn’t say – had friends we said no to over, she said snuck friends in. As in, the AP didn’t even consider asking if she could have guests stay over while the family was out of town after only having been there 6 weeks!
Your HM asks you for your social schedule before scheduling like she needs? That’s super nice and not something i’ve ever heard of before. I know my HM has me because she actually needs me to work the full 45 hours when she needs it, not when it’s convenient around my social schedule, i think it’s be a bit weird to have it the other way round :)
@ a – In my home we keep a house diary in the kitchen and I ask my AP to pencil her her social schedule to see what can be done and what can’t (if she needs extra time off or days off babysitting) and if I can not accommodate her then yes she has to cancel or defer.
And Jennifer’s family does not sound strict – the AP sounds at best reckless and at worst negligent.
1. Quit my first family after being treated cold and working atleast 14 hours a day, and 8hours on my day off…last time i checked 8hours work is a full days work in the normal world. Plus a lot lot lot lottttt more issues.
2. Second family perfect, everything promised happend, lovely connection with mother we were like sisters.
3. Current family, lovely parents, but I get covered in bruises by the kid, a few days ago i was threatend with a knife, thankgod the older brother was there to stop him…thats all I’ll say.
i have read a story on a site similar to this one ( so i believe its a true story) about a HM coming home early only to find her AP naked having sex in the living room with her boyfriend…
What’s so wrong about that? Assuming everyone is normally gone at that hour. Of course it would have been better if she’d done it in her bedroom, and not a public area, but a girl who is probably 18+ having sex with her girlfriend is pretty unscandalous in my opinion.
each family has a list of what is allowed in their home. if they’ve asked to not have non-au pairs at their house (assuming the SO wasn’t another au pair) then that is in their right.
also, it is TACTLESS to have sex on someone’s couch. They have to sit there for the next 5+ years most likely. sorry, 18+ or not, it isn’t okay – even if your parents let you have sex in their home, I’d doubt you’d do it in plain view and not feel a bit squeemish. These are YOUR host PARENTS for the year, not hotel.
Let’s also notice it did not say HF came home early from a trip, but “HM came home early.” I read that to mean that AP was working (guessing kids were napping) and AP was getting busy. Yeah, WAAAAY not cool. And yes, in many houses the HF has rules about having that type of “friend” over. There are hotels for benfits like that and they do not involve the HF’s couch (ewww – so much for family movie night).
I au paired with a horrible family; I was told I would be given gas money to drive around the children, to add foods I liked to the grocery list, that I had nights off and did not have to do housework. Instead, I almost never got gas money unless I asked, and when I did was sometimes denied, they never bought any of the foods I asked for except one time, I worked a lot of nights while they went out, and ended up doing a lot of housework, including dishes, laundry, cleaning the kids rooms, setting and cleaning up the dinner table, etc etc… NEVER AGAIN!!
Why is this horrible? Host parents are allowed to go out to have fun at night, too! And cleaning the kids room is part of an au pair’s responsibility…..
Cleaning the kids room is okay. Setting and cleaning up the dinner table is not!
That depends on the situation. If I spend time making a nice meal for my family, INCLUDING our AP, I think in kind that the family members pitching in by setting the table or cleaning up after is a fair quid pro quo. I would do the same for AP if she went to the trouble of making us a meal as a family. This is not an APs job, it is part of being a family member. If she never wants to set the table or clean up after dinner, she can make it clear at the start of the year that she never intends to eat with us. Then I won’t include her in my meal planning and she can avoid setting the table or helping with post-meal clean up.
Yeah, if you join my family at the dinner table, you will be expected to pitch in and help clean up. Either your own plate every night, or if you really want to be nice, the entire table once a week or so. That’s one of the “part of the family” duties, not a part of her job. If you choose not to eat with us, that’s fine too. But you can’t have it both ways.
I have to wonder what on earth some of these young women do at home regarding chores.
And we tell our au pairs to add their wants to the list, too. They don’t always get bought. They sometimes do–when it’s something reasonable, healthy, and easy to find. In fact, I don’t even speculate on who it’s for when the AP asks me to buy something. I don’t care. But I know my preschoolers don’t drink Red Bulls or eat Magnum ice cream bars, so there are some things that are obvious. Anything extravagant can be supplied by the au pair herself. Unless she’s really awesome, then I’ll buy her a special thing whenever I can.
But in my (admittedly limited) experience, the awesome au pairs are rarely the same ones who are constantly asking me for $10 bottles of shampoo. It’s the ones who I have to learn about, then surprise with a nice treat, because they have the awareness to know that it’s not my job to supply them with luxuries.
I’ve never purchased toiletries for my APs (and I’ve been hosting for 11 years). It’s never even come up. I do, at the start of their year, purchase a multitude of sample bottles from Target (usually about $1 each) and tell them that they are available to determine what they like. (Works well when they want to fly, too.)
I think the issue with setting the table only occurs when the relationship between the au pair and the host family is already tense. Then the au pair might feel taken advantage of even though she’s doing something really normal.
We usually don’t eat together but in gernal there is never an issue of who does what. It’s part of my job to empty out the dishwasher in the morning and that’s okay.
When my host mom comes home early, officially I don’t know if I’m working or not. Sometimes she will make dinner for the kids, sometimes I will.
Sometimes I ask my host parents to bring some soda I like, sometimes I buy enough for all.
When we do eat together it’s just normal for me, that every one is helping.
It seems incredibly awkward to sit at the table and wait for your host parents to serve you, because setting the table would not be part of your au pair job description.
Some people just have weird attitudes.
Oh yeah, I didn’t buy them either, TACL. We do the beginning of the year welcome set of toiletries, then she’s on her own.
Today I took the new AP to the grocery for the only time, probably, since I usually shop on base which has the benefit of both being less expensive and right by my office 35 minutes from the house, so oh gee, I have to go alone! I did buy some things that she said she liked to eat, that wouldn’t be on my normal list; but it was “real” food, not crap, which bugs me.
Then I took her to the drug store, and made it clear that she was responsible for everything she purchased there(which she understood anyway). There was a small part of me that felt bad, but it’s a slippery slope….and it’s always easier to be generous later when it’s appreciated than to start off giving the impression we’re loaded.
The family definitly should give you gas money to drive the children around. My family has a separate wallet that they keep money in for me to do things with the children, by food that we are out of, get gas if needed (though they usually always fill up the tank), and I just let them know when it needs to be refilled.
If there is some food that I want I will usually let them know. Sometimes I just buy it with my own money if it is hard to find. Any type of junk food I would buy myself but I don’t eat that so I never do. We eat very healthy at home and it’s my job to make sure the children do as well. I have a background in nutrition and weight loss so they are always open to buying my somewhat strange food if it can benefit their health.
I personally have all evenings off, and three full days in a row per week. Since they give me so much free time (we still have other babysitters that come in once a week) if they do need me in the evenings then I obviously help them out and watch the kids. It doesn’t bother me but it doesn’t happen to often. But if they tell me the day of that they are going out and I already have plans then I tell them that I have made plans but if they can’t find anyone to come I will stay home. I think this is fair as it is their responseability to tell me in advance. But this is only on weekend as I choose not to go out on week nights when I have to work in the morning.
The only housework I have to do is the kids dishes. But I always do more. I clean the car I use once a week and reorganize areas that are a mess because it just bothers me to see a mess. I dont think they care but it’s more for myself really. I clean the whole downstairs once a week and all the bathrooms the kids use because they get disgusting and it bothers me.
My room and my bathroom is my space to clean, though even if I didn’t they would never know. They absolutly never go in my suite in the house. Aside from that I help out with other stuff just because it is what my parents taught me to do and I would do it at home as well. But we do have a cleaner who comes in once a week and does a full clean.
I think that if you feel that they are asking to much of you then you will be reluctant to help out. In my case they ask nothing of me and are extreamly generous so I don’t mind doing extra things to help out around the house.
I made friends with a German au pair that lived (with her host family – of course) really close to where I was living, we would hang out all the time and she always expressed her host family was incredible, no problems at all – or so we thought!
So she was 20 years old at the time so she couldn’t go to any bars or night clubs, I was 22 at the time so I some times went with other au pairs. Anyway, when she turned 21 I took her out to a night club that was downtown and just across the street from a hotel… when we came out of the nightclub (not very late – around 1 AM), we spotted her HD heading into the hotel with a blonde woman and being very touchy feely. His wife is a brunette and believed he was out of town on a business trip.
We were both in shock standing right there, we were grateful he hadn’t spotted us… but then his “special friend” whips out a cigarette and they sat on a bench outside the hotel… he saw us and the look on his face was one of terror, obviously… his au pair just caught him in a very serious and compromising lie and obviously being unfaithful to his wife which btw was a very very sweet woman.
He walked over to us and started begging we said nothing… no problem, none of my business I don’t even live with them right? But poor Carla (my au pair friend) told him she didn’t know if she could keep such a thing secret – he actually threatened to accuse her of stealing and have her deported!
Long story short… Carla told him she would not say a word but when he went back to his “special friend” we snapped a quick picture and ran to her host family’s home to tell his wife – there was no way this cheating prick was going to get away with cheating AND falsely accusing and having deported an innocent girl just because she caught him. Carla’s HM was very upset and kicked him out but she let him come back a few weeks later – he apologized to Carla and the thing was semi-resolved… I say semi because things were awkward from then on.
I had to leave with the crazy sister of the single mother as an au pair in Paris.Apart from having a nervous breakdown some time ago she was obsessed with tidiness and ordered me to do things.Nevertheless we had a great realtionship with the mother and the little girl which i really miss…
Sorry lIve, french is stuck on my mind as soon as i say paris haha
First family:
-One morning I found a letter on the table, which turned out was an interview with the new au pair. I didnt say or ask anything about it.
The next day the family told me, they cant afford me, and anyway they dont need an au pair anymore.
-at least they should had told me the truth. I wasnt upset, I was so damn happy…I really hated them for using me as a cheap slave.
Second family:
One day the HM was out. I was talking with the HD and our converstation became a littel bit sexist. Then HD asked me, if I wanna give him a handjob, or would I like to watch him whily he is doing it, OR at least could he make me feel comfortable…
Jesus! Of course I said NO, and I went in my room. The next day he was so embarrassed, he told me he was really drunk, and he doesnt want me to leave, because I am a really good girl.
After that, nothing has happened.
Good girl! :-)
I’m really flipped out by a recent situation. Friends of ours are on their third AP (first two rematched). The HD has apparently been a serial cheater for years and started sleeping with the AP a month or so into her arrival. The HM finally walked in on them and AP was sent home the next morning. How frequently does this kind of thing happen??
I don’t think this is a crazy, wild AP thing, I think it’s a HD taking advantage of a young woman. I don’t think it happens frequently, otherwise no young woman would want to be an AP in the US, but I suppose it happens too often.
Oh totally agree, TACL. And let me be clear, when I said “friends,” these are people in our neighborhood. Definitely think this HD took advantage and that it’s awful.
My first host family (who I later went into rematch with–my decision) was quite awful. I’m American and was in Australia, and I wasn’t in an agency, and as cliched as it is, things went terribly. I cleaned the host parents’ room, did their laundry, worked thirteen hours a day, was constantly criticized, etc etc. So of course I left (and then was involved in a HUGE battle over late paychecks)
BUT my FAVORITE little incident was both comical and also absolutely annoying. I had bought a specific brand of ice cream that I was particularly obsessed with and brought it home one night to eat. They saw me bring it, knew I had bought it. And then I went to my room for the night (because I didn’t have a relationship with the family that would cause me to hang out with them after hours, and oh yeah, I was exhausted).
The next afternoon, on my second day off, I went into the kitchen to splurge on my ice cream. Only, when I opened the lid, over three-quarters of it was gone, and there was a brown powder coating the inside. The host mom walked in, and proceeded to tell me that she had given some to her daughter and sons, and eaten some herself, with Milo (a chocolate drink powder).
She had eaten straight out of the carton!
With Milo!
She didn’t seem to grasp that there was anything wrong with what she had done.
Obviously, that was the least of their issues, but I did find it annoying. And funny. So glad I rematched!
Sounds like a friend of mine, she is still Au pairing. First time family went on a trip, there was left practically almost nothing for her to eat. So after that incident, when she knew the family was leaving for another trip, she bought for herself yogurt and other items to eat. That day she had to go to school. She came home and found out there was no yogurt. But the funny and stupid thing that she cannot eat anything that belongs to the kids… What a wonderful world!
I also knew one girl who found out her HM was cheating on the HD, and was sworn to secrecy, but then the HD kind of caught on, and resented the AP for not being honest with him about it. The AP stayed with that family for six months for the sake of stability for the kids before it got ugly.
This kind of happened to me.. except I was close to the mum and she wasn’t having an affair, just ‘hanging out’ with guys. I wasn’t sworn to secrecy, but the dad kind of found out- but apparently the parents had an agreement anyway. I didn’t tell because I felt I had a loyalty to the mum. The parents in law also knew and knew that I knew, they would ask me how ‘everything’ was going.. It kind of sounds worse than it was in a way..
Au pair #1 – Recorded sex tapes of herself in the basement on computer (and the way we found out was guys calling to buy more on her au pair phone after her host year ended).
Au pair #2 – Left my two month old alone in a taxi for 5 mins and told me about it after (she asked the driver “do you like babies?”)?
Au pair #3 – Ran away after night 2 at our house and got busted that her “host dad” in her family photo was actually her John (a married man in California who she’d been sleeping with on his many visits to Thailand….)
And we’ve had more nightmare stories….but are still in the program.
Kitty you are in the top one of the host mum with the worst au pair stories, I’m asking if you have bad luck always or if there’s something wrong with you which make that the realtions between you and your au pairs doesnt work, And I see in your multiple comments that they are problems with men and who cares your sexual au pair life as soon as she is doing a good job and not involving her PRIVATE LIFE that you should respect with you and your family and it¿’s not good to be looking for some personal information in your au pair computer, i really think your relation with your next au pair will end in a very bad way too, BUT it’s just YOU.dont blame the poor girls!
well i am in the secod family and everything is perfect. but I was first living next door with a crazy family who called me stupid indian for bieng from south america, they called me third world brainless girl, the did not allowed me to eat with them, I had to clean their house 3 times per day, they lock me in the basement and they asked for a rematch without letting me know, I discovered when I call the company to ask for a rematch, and the lady told me ” hey you called last week, you are in rematch: I DID NOT KNOW THAT….”, they called my lcc and told her that I had escaped (I was locked in the basement)… and then when I left that mad house on of my AP friends told me that the previous AP had to left that house by calling 911 because the host mom was chasing her with a knife……SCARY…
Now I’m scared O_O rly, rly scared
Don’t be…it’s impossible that this is a true story…if the hostmom would have been chasing her au pair with a knife who then called the cops, do you honestly think that the family would still be in the program?
well… You’re right XD
I was au pair for about two years, and loved the little ones, still so miss them…Sure the family do not miss me. I did not agree that I eat too much, and thought that cooking dinners after I finished with little one(6 hours), for them and myself is too much. Makes sense I had to still cook for myself, but then the problem was that I had to be given the foods. Ended up eating out at friend’s place during the weekends and buying my own fruits and so on. I liked the family, they were nice, but this issue with food. This cheap processed food… I told them – it worked – was given better foods after. But they thought I am so only about me. Partly true. I was told I should go back to my country after I had finished to work for them. I do not regret the experience though, no one is perfect, and once you are on your own abroad, you are more sensitive:) I do tend to overeat now and then, (of course I am not working for any family anymore) even after such a long time I appreciate simple things such as food much more than before :D
I once uploaded the diswasher with the wrong soap and when my host mom arrived she texted me to go to the kitchen. I came down and everything was full of bubbles and soap it was really white and slippery. I was so embarrassed and I though she was mad at me bt contrary she just lauhg and of course that was the dinner topic that night. Now I know what kind of soup should be used :)
my oldest host kid is 9 but his feet are really big that he can fit my host mom’s shoes. Once i was looking for my purple sneakers to go out to jog a little bit but i could not find them. 3 days later I saw him wearing them because he thought they were so cool. I was not mad at him since i was the one who put the shoes on the aisle so he thoght they were public. sometimes he uses my jackets too, he looks actually nice. I have to say that i am not girly at all i am more the tomboy kind :)
Yo au pair – what a lovely comment and it’s wonderful to see that this little boy is so comfortable with you he’s even “borrowing” your clothes, good on you girlie :)
I agree – you are very generous.
I do not have awful memories but great of my two years being Au Pair. I am still in contact with the family who are for me, the best family I could have ever met in USA. But not all Au Pairs have had the same awesome experience, I truly get sad for them, specially when I know these are honest and simple girls whose only project for coming to USA is to work, study, get to know other culture, and earn some $$$ to send to their relatives. I had two friends, one of them from South America. She did not come to have only “fun”, like her HM said. She was earning every single buck to send to her mom who has cancer, to pay medical bills. Her oldest brother had died in an accident before, so she was the supporting hand in the family. But what happened? “Do not eat this”, “Do not touch this”… and messages of these kind were left always. It is supposed Au Pairs are part of the family, but she wasn’t treated like that. After dinner time, HM would say: Ok, let’s get up and let (Au Pair) clean the dishes and the kitchen. Why not the HM would say to the kids that were in their 8 years old to ‘learn’ how to maintain a house and to work as a family in the household chores when the Au Pair wasn’t in her working hours? Among other situations, she wasn’t going through a healthy family environment either. Au Pairs are also people that need a fair human treatment.
My other friend’s situation was different. Host parents going through divorce, so the environment was not healthy for anyone. The HF had an accident and broke a leg, so had to use a catheter to urinate. First time, when my friend was asked to clean catheter she did because thought HF could not really walk. Yet, HF kept asking her every morning to clean it for him… GROSS!!! She was Au Pair, not a nurse. But HF was walking to do other things so it wasn’t an excuse that he could not wash his own medical tools. I was shocked when she told me this just recently. But she said one day asked him why he could not wash the tube when he could walk around the house to do other things? He said he did not feeling like cleaning it! But he did not asked her anymore to do it. Don´t forget that she had to do that still when she was taking care of the kids. Plus to say that the kids she took care weren’t angels… one would escape from the house, but he also did that with the parents. At least it wasn’t a surprise for them when she told them what had happened. Sometimes she was supposed to work until 5PM but nobody was still there until 1 or 2 hours later… and just not to forget that also HM would forget the paycheck on Friday, unless my friend would ask her. Sometimes the problem lies with the family. Sometimes with the Au Pair. So nothing is perfect after all. But it is ridiculous when people do not have common sense.
I worked as an au pair in England, Kent, for one year, and I can actually say there’s au pairs and au pairs.
I used to work for an English/Canadian family, looking after 3 children (2,4,6) doing all the school runs,cooking, spending the whole day with them, cleaning the whole house for the first 2 months without getting any extra money doing my HM and HD ironing 3 or more hours a week without getting any extras whatsoever for the first 6 months.
It was hard work,but my experience couldn’t be more positive until we got to the last 5 months. I used to go out pretty much every night,got a boyfriend who I would go and sleep with quite often, I would have my privacy when off (although it’s hard when u only get a tiny room and 3 children are in the house), but I was well happy and never thought I would come to the point to leave so exhausted, and I was exhausted because dear HMs and HDs who keep criticising APs, there’s people like me who worked very hard and only got little money for it, who didn’t have any privacy or a good late sleep cause children are children and behave so, who dedicate themselves to what they do, because it’s children u’re looking after, not clothes!
It’s easy to criticize when you think of an au pair as only an au pair, and not an actual human being, with the same needs you have, who can make mistakes like you do and moreover WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO GET MARY POPPINS WITH THE MONEY YOU NORMALLY GIVE AN AU PAIR??? Well Mary Poppins are hard to find, but I was a Mary Poppins who couldn’t no more live in someone else’s house,who couldn’t no more live in the little money I was getting and who couldn’t no more stand the fact that a normal Nanny gets £17.000 a year doing exactly what I was doing and I was not even getting £5,000 a year!!!!
Before criticising bare on mind that you can’t ask for much with the little money you normally give to an au pair, so you might be lucky as my hostfamily was, or you might be not, if you wanna find the perfect match contact a professional nanny, oh no hang on a second: she wouldn’t even pick up your call for £90,00 a week!
I agree with you 100%!
They could be so heartless and I thought if there kids were in our shoes would they want people to treat their kids this way?
They take advantage of us and feel they have the power to do so cause we live very far from our real home and at their mercy but you know what they say.. Karma is a Bitch!
But I feel bad for the children being raised by these kind of people, very sad!
I au paired in 3 countries and 8 families in total and it was a bumpy crazy ride!
1st Family – I went to Italy to au pair for a family with a 21 month year old and it was terrible because he would cry the whole time I stayed with him. My room was in the cellar and not hot water to take a shower. The house was far from the center and took my awhile to learn how to use to the public transportation, all on my own!
2nd Family – 13 yr old girl who was so much fun and the family lived near the center and had my own mini apartment on top the the building. However, after 2 weeks the HM seem to hate me and would give me dirty looks and HD was not friendly at all (I bought the parents and girl christmas presents and they left me alone on christmas day) but I had the best relationship with the girl but had to leave cause the mom hatred towards me grew more and more for no reason! However I miss the girl so much and she always be in my heart!
3rd Family – Two twins who were 3 and one boy who was 5 and these kids were monsters! The mom would not discipline them and would cry when they disrespected her. The dad was quiet and always on the computer and I had to work 6 days a week doing the dishes, ironing, laundry, cleaning, etc.. and when I got a bad fever I could not have a day off and get better and had to keep walking the kids to and from school in the summer heat with a 105 fever, I felt I was going to pass out one afternoon.
4th Family – The family was very rich and had to kids who were 13 and 11 and ok but after awhile I felt they didn’t want me and they limit my hours to 10 hours a week and said they would not give me any money cause I eat their food and sleep in their house.
5th Family – Final family in Italy and the HM took the cake of all HM! Actually compared to the mean HM in family 2, I would gladly go back to that family! The HM of my 4th family was insane and bipolar! She would be so nice and kind and then next day she was called me stupid, dumb, idiot and she actually made me cry in front of her (and I hate crying in front of people). She didn’t pay me cause her new apartment was too small for an au pair and she needed to rent an apartment for me and she would pay for that with my salary money. She was insane and I think a very jealous women of all her au pairs from what I hear from them! The boys were 6 and 8 and the youngest was the funniest little boy I ever met and I enjoyed my time with him but I didn’t not like when both boys treat and talk to me like a salve!
6th Family – I went to south of France and it was summertime and au pairing was the cheapest way but it was last minute and I got stuck with a single HD from finland and his 2 kids. They were not a terror as the kids from family 3 but the youngest was very rude and spoiled. The HD was a nightmare and when I was in the pool he would join and would walk around with his swim shorts on only all day. The kids would get fast attitudes and run around naked (they were 5 and 12) and the girl slapped me in the face (which the HD did discipline). The HD wanted me to be a full time housekeeper as well as a full au pair when he said before I came he only need very light housework. The HD girlfriend was from Africa and would be so rude to me and I think threaten by me but it was stupid cause I want to go out and meet boys my age not her old pale bf, eww! I went out here and there cause I was near Cannes and St. Tropez and it was summer so I want to have fun and I did (I had the best summer of my life!) and the dad later said I would go out too much (but when I didn’t go out he would say “you’re not going out tonight? why? it’s summer, go out and have fun!” … Wtf?!) Finally he went to finland with the kids and send a text saying I have 2 weeks to leave and then his gf went in my room when I wasn’t home and then told him I stole 300 euros from her!!!! I was crazy mad cause I never stole anything and left and couchsurfer (which was ok until I end up in this crazy man apartment who I later found out was a pervert!) and stayed in a hostel until I found a new family!
7th Family – Sent from the heavens! They lived near St. Tropez and such a great, kind, sweet family I ever had. The grandparents were great and took me everywhere to see the towns nearby and took me on their boat always. The parents were cool but I didn’t see them much cause the worked at a restaurant but we had dinner together when I kids went to bed. The 2 kids were 2 and 6 and the baby boy was a bit handful but manageable and the girl was a sweetheart and I have great memories with her, I miss her alot!
8th Family – Hola, Spain! The family seem great but the HD become so creepy and would stare at me and even asked me if the boys I dated were good kissers, ewwww! There were 2 boys and the oldest was nice and fun but the youngest was a huge trouble maker and very rude. The family later told me they could not afford me and I must not come back to au pair for them but I knew it was Bs because the mom wore gucci, fendi, louie, prada etc.. and they had 3 houses and 2 cars, motorcycles, etc… it was complete bull they gave me but at the point I was done and so happy to end my au pair career!
Thinking back on my experience I am glad I did it cause the kids did teach me alot and would always make me smile when I was sad. I always try to be nice to the whole family and be responsible and protect every kid as if they were my brother or sister and the biggest problems I had was always with the HM or HD except for the family in St. Tropez. The HM can get jealous and HD can make you feel uncomfortable but you must address it and demand respect as they do! Would I ever encourage someone to au pair, that is a tough question! I would if you adore children and love to travel and meet new people and have crazy but fun experience but you must be a strong person and ALWAYS take care of yourself and your safety! I made great italian, french, and spanish friends and learn that you are who you are and be proud of it and live to smile and be happy. I realize that if anyone ever tries to bring you down is only because you are above them!! :) GOOD LUCK!
It sounds to me like you were more interested in partying than being an au pair – 8 families and not many nice things to say about any; I wonder what they would say about you?
Me, me, me is all I heard…
Are you kidding me lady? Are you Bipolar au pair mom #4? Seriously, AuPair=equal. All I heard was horendous living conditions with an AP mature enough to stick it out 8 times. Can I ask where you are from? What culture were you raised in to see this treatment of an equal being acceptable?
Hell yeah I love to party but I know how party with class and was not as crazy and wild as the other au pairs in the city. How else did I manage to make real friends in Italy when Italians have no respect for foreign girls who are stupid and slutty… and they really are that way, I was embarrass to say I was American for awhile!
Then, if I don’t go out don’t tell me to go out and have fun when I choose to stay home then say I go out too much. I am sorry I am young and have no kids and have the right to have a social life or not!!
I am an au pair not a slave and you get what you pay for! If you want a nanny then hire a nanny but instead you are trying to go the easy route and get an au pair so you can pay less and treat however you wish. They see me and think they can walk all over me because I am girly girl but I am not a fool and if I obey the contract then they should also. Also if I was that terrible then why did every child I au paired for was sad when I left. I always got along with the children even the uncontrollable ones and it was the parents I had a problem because I respected the contract but they did not and I would confront them about it because I am not scared of them, someone needs to confront them.
Finally, yes it is all about me! I am in a foreign country with a family who really are strangers and I must take care of myself because who really would if I don’t?!
I really think au pairs and families should never find each other online cause you never know who these people are for both parties. Every au pair I met who went through an agencies had a great family and the au pairs who went trough the internet had the horror stories including me. Au pairs and families should go through agencies and these agencies should take care of their families and au pairs. Also the agencies should make meeting for au pairs to get together and they should teach these girls how handle themselves in the culture they are in especially if they drink. I sometimes I felt I was au pairing during the day as well as au pairing other au pairs during the night, OMG!
In addition to sounding self-centered, you don’t sound like you matured at all during your time as an AP. Is English your first language?
And let’s forget about the whole “taking the easy way out by getting a nanny” line of thought. Simply untrue. You sound exhausting. Having been taken advantage of by an au pair, I can tell you that respect is a two way street.
Yes! Respect is a two way street and when your au pair didn’t show you respect when you showed her respect how did that make you feel? Disappointed and hurt?
You give respect and its not given is very hurtful and sadly there are many people in this world who will take advantage of a person or situation and have no remorse but you must keep going and giving respect to everyone because hate in your heart will destroy you!
I am exhausting? Indeed, and also exhausted but if I would not have change nothing because I know I am not afraid of nobody or nothing. I am self centered and proud of it because I am in-tune to my star player which is me! You must wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and ask yourself how are you doing today because if your are not happy with yourself how in the world can you make others happy? I am asking you?!
To your comment stating “you have not matured at all” THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLEMENT, REALLY! Who has the power to judge someone on how to act in society as long as I am not putting anyone in harm or hurting someone then why not be naive and believe in magic and miracles! Society and people who have been broken from life may want to break me and push me into a world of lies, cries and hurt but I won’t let it happen and will always be young at heart and feel I can go, do, see or be anything I dream of!
Finally, sadly you have fallen into that category of horrific HM’s because questioning my english as 2nd language is trying to demise my intelligence however you have expose yourself as the person with the small intelligence. English is my 3rd language out of the 6 languages I speak fluently to let you know since you seem so interested in me personally.. Oh, honey please don’t be threaten by me I am just an self-centered, immature girl.. remember? Bless your heart :) Kiss
To paraphrase one of my favorite posters: The only consistent factor in each of these failed relationships is you. Best of luck.
The reason it failed is you? you clearly dont speak fluent english? What on earth is wrong with you people?? Im so disgusted by what these HM’s are saying. Get off your high horse. When all is said and done you are getting really cheap labor. You couldnt afford someone who speaks fluent english and works 14 hours a day and puts up with sexual harassement willing to sleep in an attic. Because if you did . you couldnt afford it paying legal minimum wages and overtime pay, you would be charged for sexual harassement and human rights says your inhumane to make “cinderella” sleep in the attic. Interesting you guys remain anonymous . I wouldnt want people know who I was either with scumbag slavepusher attitude. Profound statement EAST COAST HM. Based on your response to everything just said your as low as the rest of them.
Based on your written posts, you are not fluent in English.
Please remember that the APs coming into the US are required (if they are going the legal route) to go through agencies, just as the HFs are. Once you make the choice to AP as an American in another country, you are subject to the program and visa rules of that country. The internet is certainly filled with stories and tales to the wise about that (this blog is no exception). I do think a fair amount of the HPs on this blog are in the US, and thus have APs through agencies (cv? what does your info tell you?).
And before you paint all HFs with such a broad and condemming stroke, keep in mind that you are as responsible for the families you chose as the ones who chose you. It was a decision you made to AP overseas, and not everyone is in the AP program to “save a buck.” Some of us (a lot of us, certainly on this blog) are in it for more than just that. I’m thinking there might be enough “blame” for your many scenarios to go around to everyone involved, not just one side.
Yes, respect is two way street and this is why I was shocked and disappointed that adults would not gave respect when I, an young adult, can give it even when I realize I would never get it. They look out for themselves and their families first and then me and I look at for myself first and then them but should see me as someone who works for them instead of working with them because an “au pair” to suppose to be treated as a family member not a worker! In addition, I meet many au pairs that were girls I could not even befriend because they were an embarrassment to all au pairs but in the end I think you need to fit with the family and the family needs to fit with you, that’s why I got along so great with my family in St. Tropez!
Yes, I chose these families because them seem people of good virtue but I was wrong however I would change anything that happen because I learn I can stand up for myself because if I can’t who can?! Also, if you had read my post correctly you would have understood that I am concluding that the majority of these horrific HF’s are from the internet and not a broad overview of every HF out there.
I have never au paired in USA and went the internet route because I have dual citizenship from the EU but I applaud the states for making it a requirement to go through an agency because if problems do occur the agency will handle the issue, if it’s a good agency.
anyway.
First au pair–when we got our boxes from the moving company, which had been packed full of open food in Germany, we had to put them outside bc they had moths. Putting them outside attracted bees, and when I sprayed the bees (since we had 3 kids 6 and under and lived in a townhouse, and they were RIGHT ON TOP of the neighbors’ houses), AP got in a huge argument with me over how cruel I was.
Our South American au pairs are fascinated/intrigued/bewildered that we keep guinea pigs for pets; current AP’s farmer father raises them and they’re his favorite food. One AP we interviewed with (but regrettably didn’t match with)thought they were actually pigs before a friend told her they were large rodents :)
One AP was overly emotionally attached to squirrels. I had to send HD out into the neighborhood once when I accidentally struck one and it was left as roadkill on the street. She was in near hysterics and could not fathom having to drive on that road while the corpse remained. HD did his duty with a puzzled look but removed the remains nonetheless.
Okay that IS funny! However, if I ever ran over a squirrel (or any animal for that matter) I would be in tears for sure, too.
One of my AP went out at 6:00 pm and came back by 10:00 pm Monday to Thursday and left at 6:00 Friday and came back at 10:00 Sunday
With very few exceptions this was her routine for more than a year
Another AP decorated her room with postcards sent to her by her friends and family.
Mostly these were the usual type except that she had a few “art” types featuring nudes and even one that had a collage of male body parts of statues from a city in Europe.
I did not visit her room till she was in rematch but the kids did visit her room. Hoping they did not see the postcards too closely!!
Our AP called us @ 2 am from a train station and asked us to pick her up. This was after she asked me for an afternoon off in a work day. She promised to come back early and look after herself. My husband was worried about her safety and went to get her and then he had to get up @ 5 am to work. Instead of being grateful, she tried to hit on him. Needless to say, she had to rematch. My husband refuses to use any young girls after that.
Some times you have to laugh or you’ll cry:
AP #1- After a discussion with her friends, has a suggestion to fix our her inability to follow the car usage rules “cars are cheap here (in the US), maybe $2000. Maybe you should buy another” (Proposed a 3rd car) LOL!!!
AP #2 – Made an Au Pair Tomb Stone with a space for the names of the previous and future au pairs for our Halloween graveyard. LOL! It has become a tradition at Halloween for our au pairs to add their name.
AP #3- After we rushed her to emergency at 3 AM because of severe abdominal pain, our very modest AP got to have her very first pelvic exam and internal sonogram. ( after emergency surgery she was fine)Poor thing.
AP #4- the 3rd day on her own, our AP backed into a neighbors’ BIG NEW RED truck that was parked behind her, in our driveway, while my friend was delivering us some Christmas cookies. Our AP was so panicked that she pulled forward and hopped out of our car… forgetting to put the car in park… so it rolled back and hit the truck a second time.
HKs can be “surprising” too:
AP #4: “HK#1 threw cheese at me”; HK#1:(in a wounded Voice) ” I did Not!!!!…I threw it at my brother, but I missed.” ( His Cell phone got a time out for a week)
Advice to all AP’s : if a 13 year old boy picks up a broom, he has no intention of sweeping the floor.
AP #5 – Our B’au Pair- (we decided that maybe a male au pair would be a good match for our active older boys) starts this Friday. Hoping to have a year full of laughs…hopefully the positive kind!
AP asks HM if she can have her bed moved from one side of the room to another. HM asks HD to move it the next time HD was home from work early. So one day, HD asks APs if room was clean and if it was okay to move bed. AP says okay. HD goes to move bed and finds large vibrator under APs pillow. HD leaves everything alone. Waits about an hour and reminds AP that he is going to move bed. AP once again says fine… then turns beet red and runs to her room… HD then goes to move bed again. Vibrator no where is sight.
HD handled that superbly, IMO!
Awesome story :D
You handled it very well!
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