Comments on: Part of the Family: The Au Pairs’ Perspective http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:54:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: MommyMia http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13055 MommyMia Tue, 24 Aug 2010 23:40:23 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-13055 Loisa, I'm so sorry that happened to you, and your HF remark was not called for. Yes, I would have been worried, but that is one of the reasons why we provide a cellphone to our au pair and expect her to take it with her. It's primarily for us to contact her when necessary regarding the children or schedule, but also if she were to encounter an emergency situation. I'd sit down with my host family if I were you and talk about what is reasonable should something like this ever happen again (and suggest they add a section to their manual, or if they don't have one, it's an excellent place to start!). Scout out some locations of pay phones (if any still exist in your area) or discuss who you could ask to phone home for you. I think most people would make a quick, local call for you if you asked and told them your situation. Loisa, I’m so sorry that happened to you, and your HF remark was not called for. Yes, I would have been worried, but that is one of the reasons why we provide a cellphone to our au pair and expect her to take it with her. It’s primarily for us to contact her when necessary regarding the children or schedule, but also if she were to encounter an emergency situation. I’d sit down with my host family if I were you and talk about what is reasonable should something like this ever happen again (and suggest they add a section to their manual, or if they don’t have one, it’s an excellent place to start!). Scout out some locations of pay phones (if any still exist in your area) or discuss who you could ask to phone home for you. I think most people would make a quick, local call for you if you asked and told them your situation.

]]> By: EUROaupair http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13040 EUROaupair Tue, 24 Aug 2010 13:46:21 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-13040 Calif Mom; that is how my HF are about my free time and I really really appreciate it now! But only after reading stories about controlling families and curfews etc. My family might be a little on the cool side, but they allow me my freedom. I know if I called and said I were in trouble they would be there in a heartbeat, though =) Calif Mom; that is how my HF are about my free time and I really really appreciate it now! But only after reading stories about controlling families and curfews etc.

My family might be a little on the cool side, but they allow me my freedom. I know if I called and said I were in trouble they would be there in a heartbeat, though =)

]]> By: EUROaupair http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13039 EUROaupair Tue, 24 Aug 2010 13:42:15 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-13039 I don't usually care if they pop out or something, but we always run into difficulty as the parents often neglect to tell me when something 'big' is planned. When I have the kids til 2pm, for example, they will ask if they can come with me to do whatever I am doing in the afternoon (and I say sure, because most days they are left to their own devices in the afternoon, running riot!). Then I find out that they are going to a Soccer Game, or Hiking, or something kinda 'big' that is outside of their normal routine. Then the kids cry or throw tantrums because I said I would take them with me. It is so awkward! I feel that if I were being treated as a family member it would have at least cropped up in conversation.. Similarly, on my last day off the kids woke me up at 9am because they were "staaaarving" and HM&HD were asleep. So I gave them breakfast etc. When HM&HD woke up (9.30) they were angry as they had been planning to take the kids out for brunch and now they wouldn't eat their money's-worth (lol). So I feel like a note in the kitchen might have been in order there.. I don’t usually care if they pop out or something, but we always run into difficulty as the parents often neglect to tell me when something ‘big’ is planned.

When I have the kids til 2pm, for example, they will ask if they can come with me to do whatever I am doing in the afternoon (and I say sure, because most days they are left to their own devices in the afternoon, running riot!).

Then I find out that they are going to a Soccer Game, or Hiking, or something kinda ‘big’ that is outside of their normal routine. Then the kids cry or throw tantrums because I said I would take them with me. It is so awkward! I feel that if I were being treated as a family member it would have at least cropped up in conversation..

Similarly, on my last day off the kids woke me up at 9am because they were “staaaarving” and HM&HD were asleep. So I gave them breakfast etc.

When HM&HD woke up (9.30) they were angry as they had been planning to take the kids out for brunch and now they wouldn’t eat their money’s-worth (lol). So I feel like a note in the kitchen might have been in order there..

]]> By: EUROaupair http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-13038 EUROaupair Tue, 24 Aug 2010 13:27:25 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-13038 I feel kind of angry at your au pair because I would love for a family like that! In my HF, the HD will invite me to things but if its just the HM and the kids (HD is on business often) I am just left behind, lol. I feel so much more included when HF is home! I feel kind of angry at your au pair because I would love for a family like that!
In my HF, the HD will invite me to things but if its just the HM and the kids (HD is on business often) I am just left behind, lol. I feel so much more included when HF is home!

]]> By: Chev http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-12587 Chev Fri, 06 Aug 2010 02:08:53 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-12587 I've been with my fam for a year and a half and i feel like i'm actually family. I don't consider my HP's like my actual mum and dad, i have a mum and don't need a replacement but they're definitely family, not just the family i work for. It's the little things like asking how my day was, and if i've had a tough day with the boys and we go out to dinner, ordering my fave cocktail for me. They mostly always take into consideration my feelings and thoughts. There are definitely times when i'm ready to vent to my friends about the dirty bottles or high chairs that are left for me on Monday morning but considering i've been here a year and a half and thats the only thing i can complain about, i think i have it pretty great. I've done this program twice and had friends whose HP's don't even treat them like an employee, it's more - you're here to look after the children, i don't have to talk to you or consider that you might not want to have to wash the kids dishes that we left dirty just so you can feed our children. I've had one friend whose HD didn't even talk to her except to give orders or derisive comments. Those are the stories that make me want to cry and wonder how some families even make it into a program let alone stay in one for the five or so years her family had been in it when she got there. I’ve been with my fam for a year and a half and i feel like i’m actually family. I don’t consider my HP’s like my actual mum and dad, i have a mum and don’t need a replacement but they’re definitely family, not just the family i work for.
It’s the little things like asking how my day was, and if i’ve had a tough day with the boys and we go out to dinner, ordering my fave cocktail for me. They mostly always take into consideration my feelings and thoughts. There are definitely times when i’m ready to vent to my friends about the dirty bottles or high chairs that are left for me on Monday morning but considering i’ve been here a year and a half and thats the only thing i can complain about, i think i have it pretty great.
I’ve done this program twice and had friends whose HP’s don’t even treat them like an employee, it’s more – you’re here to look after the children, i don’t have to talk to you or consider that you might not want to have to wash the kids dishes that we left dirty just so you can feed our children. I’ve had one friend whose HD didn’t even talk to her except to give orders or derisive comments. Those are the stories that make me want to cry and wonder how some families even make it into a program let alone stay in one for the five or so years her family had been in it when she got there.

]]> By: PA AP mom http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-12585 PA AP mom Fri, 06 Aug 2010 00:53:49 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-12585 I am really sorry that you were treated that way. It's inappropriate, to say the least. I know that there are some really rotten host families out there and it always pains me to read these stories. I am really sorry that you were treated that way. It’s inappropriate, to say the least.

I know that there are some really rotten host families out there and it always pains me to read these stories.

]]> By: Rossana Sasso http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-12582 Rossana Sasso Fri, 06 Aug 2010 00:28:19 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-12582 And no sexy gardner or a big account to pay all the things I don't want to do ;). And no sexy gardner or a big account to pay all the things I don’t want to do ;) .

]]> By: Jan http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-12581 Jan Fri, 06 Aug 2010 00:26:23 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-12581 Reminds me of the book by Sophia Kinsella - The Undomestic Goddess. The only difference is that she's the housekeeper! Good luck. Reminds me of the book by Sophia Kinsella – The Undomestic Goddess. The only difference is that she’s the housekeeper! Good luck.

]]> By: Rossana Sasso http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-12579 Rossana Sasso Thu, 05 Aug 2010 23:42:10 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-12579 I am sure there are some wonderful families out there but to be honest if my (future) daughter would think about doing this I would not let her. It is all personal choice and personal opinion, but I do think girls should know the reality is hardly as rosy as "cultural exchange" and "member of the family". Truth is that an au pair is needed because there is no time, no energy or no capacity to deal with all a family has to deal with and that means there will often be no time to deal with her needs. So don't go into this thinking it will be easy. I know my experience has probably been on the darkest side of the moon, and my determination is not shared by most but things are rarely as pretty as they want to sound anyway. As for things to look out for...it's quite hard to tell. I had 4 years legal experience and still got fooled by a contract using general terms as : "help with the laundry" ( i.e. do it all yourself), we have a cleaner ( coming once a month before we'll sack her and let you do it all, what are we paying you for after all?!). Asking for an up-front approximate schedule of a working day could work if you could bring it out later as the tasks pile on and say something. Hopefully you won't be met with "Don't you tell me what to do" when you respectfully demand to talk. I am sure there are some wonderful families out there but to be honest if my (future) daughter would think about doing this I would not let her. It is all personal choice and personal opinion, but I do think girls should know the reality is hardly as rosy as “cultural exchange” and “member of the family”. Truth is that an au pair is needed because there is no time, no energy or no capacity to deal with all a family has to deal with and that means there will often be no time to deal with her needs. So don’t go into this thinking it will be easy. I know my experience has probably been on the darkest side of the moon, and my determination is not shared by most but things are rarely as pretty as they want to sound anyway.
As for things to look out for…it’s quite hard to tell. I had 4 years legal experience and still got fooled by a contract using general terms as : “help with the laundry” ( i.e. do it all yourself), we have a cleaner ( coming once a month before we’ll sack her and let you do it all, what are we paying you for after all?!). Asking for an up-front approximate schedule of a working day could work if you could bring it out later as the tasks pile on and say something. Hopefully you won’t be met with “Don’t you tell me what to do” when you respectfully demand to talk.

]]> By: First Time HP http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-12578 First Time HP Thu, 05 Aug 2010 23:22:42 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/part-of-the-family-the-au-pair-perspective/2009/07/02/celiaharquail/#comment-12578 A terrible situation to be sure but please don't discourage others from becoming an AP because your example is the exception and not the norm. Its like saying I went to the doctor and he gave me bad advice so no one should go to see any doctor. The majority are caring families who are really trying to make this a positive experience for all involved. I'd suggest helping other potential APs by offering tips on what to look out for so they don't fall into the same situation. A terrible situation to be sure but please don’t discourage others from becoming an AP because your example is the exception and not the norm. Its like saying I went to the doctor and he gave me bad advice so no one should go to see any doctor.

The majority are caring families who are really trying to make this a positive experience for all involved. I’d suggest helping other potential APs by offering tips on what to look out for so they don’t fall into the same situation.

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