Comments on: Out Overnight: Okay, or Not? (Poll)

By: JS

JS — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 19:38:31 +0000

I truly think it depends on the girl – if she can cope well with it and it doesn’t affect her job then it really should be fine for her to stay out at night. I’ve done some of my best work on a hangover! On the other hand, an Au Pair who is still drunk from the night before is clearly overstepping boundaries and there is no excuse for that sort of behaviour

Like or Dislike: 0

By: Lola

Lola — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 23:10:39 +0000

I think as with everything it depends on the person. My case might be a little different because I decided to be an au-pair after having job positions that required extreme responsibility, thus forming me to be responsible and detail oriented. My host parents never enforced a curfew on me, also given the fact that I was 25. After having established a good relationship with a guy in Germany, I spent many weekdays at his house. Since his house was walking distance to the places I frequently visited, I would stay over at his place. My host family lived approximately 30 mins train ride, and I would get up extremely early allowing me to arrive at least 1.5 hours before my shift. I never once allowed myself to arrive any later than that time and if I ever felt exhausted I made sure to nap in my free time after the children were in school, but then again my host mom once told me that I was to be on call 24/5 because that was what I was there for, if not she would’ve hired a maid.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: CV

CV — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 04:41:41 +0000

‘Sota — I’ll set this up as its own post… cv

Like or Dislike: 0

By: Sota Gal

Sota Gal — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 03:23:38 +0000

Can you talk to your host family about this? Perhaps that you could suggest that you can be available to help with homework on Fridays after school while you are already working, or even during a short (say 30 minutes?) period of time on Saturday or Sunday. Are you being sought out in your room or is it when you are in main living areas of the house. The host parents may not even realize this is happening, or if they do, they aren’t thinking it’s a problem because nothing has been said otherwise. I think an honest talk with host parents is in order, it would be awful to let this build up inside you to the point where it DOES become a big deal. Trust me, I let something tiny slide with our au pair for months, to the point of feeling resentful, and what should have been a quick discussion/solution, turned into a big fight with hurt feelings. It all worked out in the end, but it was rocky for a while. Let us know who it works out….

Like or Dislike: 0

By: Aupair

Aupair — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 15:26:12 +0000

You seem to be giving really good advice, I am a current au pair in France who tends to stay at home on the weekend, I do then get approached to help do homework or play. While it is not tiring I do feel that this is my time alone. Any advice?

Like or Dislike: 0

By: Rafaela(au pair)

Rafaela(au pair) — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 12:50:49 +0000

Great!!!!! i think you are right!

Like or Dislike: 0

By: zanon

zanon — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 00:51:53 +0000

I guess I’m one of the few here that doesn’t set a curfew. To me, it’s a trust issue. I have to be able to trust my AP to effectively take care of my children for the majority of the day. I feel that knowing how to care for others is a higher level of responsibility than knowing how to care for self. If the AP is not responsible enough to take care of themselves then they are not remotely responsible enough to take care of my children. Part of that responsibility is to know how much sleep they need before reporting for duty the next day and thus knowing when is the appropriate time to return home the night before. If I have to set a curfew then the AP has not demonstrated enough responsibility for self care and thus has not graduated to the higher level of responsibility of child care. This type of person would not be my AP for long. I have had many many APs and only one I had to let go because of this problem.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: Rafaela(au pair)

Rafaela(au pair) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 22:16:59 +0000

Owww. you sound a great host mom!!!!!!

Like or Dislike: 0

By: anon

anon — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 20:46:46 +0000

For the most part, my rule has been “I’m not going to worry about curfew, unless it becomes a problem. I reserve the right to change rules if I feel something isn’t working well”. This was my approach for many rules, especially with our first AP, simply because we weren’t sure what things would be problematic or not. Our second AP was a nightmare and would have required stronger rule enforcement if we hadn’t rematched as soon as possible. All of my APs have been over 21 though, and I do think age might play a role.

Like or Dislike: 0

By: Mel

Mel — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 22:08:37 +0000

My Gosh! Everyone on this site is far more generous with their curfews! We have a strict 11 pm curfew. If you are not in the door by 11 pm you are late. Find somewhere else to sleep and we’ll talk about remedying this in the morning.

At 11 pm my husband and I swing the bolt lock and turn on the alarm before going to sleep. We had one incident (one too many) where our au pair strung us along until 1 am. We were both miserable at our jobs the next day. Honestly, regardless of weekday or weekend, if we aren’t in bed by 11 pm then we are miserable people the next day so we don’t differentiate between – it is a very strict 11 pm rule. We let the girls know before matching too and it hasn’t been a problem.

Like or Dislike: 0