Comments on: Our AP’s appetite is so big, we can’t afford to feed her!

By: azmom

azmom — Wed, 25 May 2011 20:17:05 +0000

we don’t eat in our rooms – it is a house rule. It isn’t unfair. Damage from food is expensive AND we need adults to model what we expect from our kids: Not eating on carpeted areas.

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By: American Au-Pair

American Au-Pair — Wed, 25 May 2011 19:45:06 +0000

Whoa Whoa Whoa…. As an AP I must say your AP is not one of your children. I understand that her bedroom is in your house but since she works for you. Her work is basically paying rent in your house. How would you like if you rented an apartment and they said not to eat food in there because the building might get ants? I’m sorry but a “No food in your room” rule is unfair and unwarranted. But saying, “Hey we have an ant problem so if you can make sure all the food in your room is properly stored and nothing is left out that would be great.” Is a compromise and treating your Au Pair like an Adult.

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By: ex aussie au pair

ex aussie au pair — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:57:11 +0000

I am average weight.. maybe slightly skinny, and am very health conscious and I get very very annoyed when people comment on my weight, or say that I don’t eat enough. I eat lots of low fat yoghurts, non processed foods, fruit and veg, seafood, rice and other grains, beans etc. and become quite angry when people who are eating burgers and chips say that I am too skinny (or anorexic), because I couldn’t come out and say they were too fat…

I think it is best not to comment on weight, unless it starts to affect you in some way….

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By: My 2 cents

My 2 cents — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:57:09 +0000

I agree. Unless this is something truly critical to her or your safety, it is entirely too personal of an area to broach unless you have a very strong and close relationship with your AP to the point she may expect you to observe and ask. You au pair is not clueless. She has made a decision to eat what she does, albeit objectively poor decisions. However, she’s an adult and gets to make them. Any comment by you will be taken the wrong way and a double meaning will be inferred.

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By: A Host Mom

A Host Mom — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:07:23 +0000

I tend to agree with Aupairgal, as well. I do not believe that it is a host-parent’s role (whether that role be as surrogate parent or employer) to dictate their au pair’s diet. Obviously, there are exceptions like eating disorders and drastic weight gain/losses during au pair’s year because those are indicative of other health or psychological problems. Believe me, my last au pair lived on bacon and chocolate ice cream (barf!!) and easily gained about 40 pounds over the 10 months she was with us. However, none of that affected her ability to watch over and chase after my kids and therefore it wasn’t my problem.

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By: aria

aria — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 19:52:03 +0000

Absolutely no offense to JJ Host Mom, but I think Aupairgal made an VERY good point and explained herself perfectly. I’ve got to agree.

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By: Aupairgal

Aupairgal — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 17:53:53 +0000

I think that is a very dangerous method of logic to take, that because this person is taking care of your children you have a right to make every bit of her business your business. I would be interested to see if a parent also wanted to know so much about their child’s teachers personal lives, which is funnily enough illegal as far as I know.
I can’t say that it is wrong or right to take such logic seeing as children are a parents greatest importance. It is however made more complicated by the fact that the caregiver is living where they work and a parent cannot help but see what the caregiver does in their free time. I will say though that is the primary reason why I would not be an aupair again, why I was so stressed during my aupair year, and why I would not recommend becomming an aupair to other people. The lack of privacy(no, having your own room does not mean you have privacy) which is inherent in living where you work can be sometimes unbearable along with the possible dictation of how one’s life is conducted.
I think the meaning of an aupair being cheap labor is not necessarily purely in terms of monetary value in comparison to a live-out nanny/caregiver(which from what I understand cost similarly), but rather for the amount that one pays for an aupair AND the potential amount of control that a host parent has on that person’s life. I am of the opinion that if you wanted that much control over your caregiver that wasn’t an aupair you would be paying significantly more than an aupair would cost.

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By: Mom23

Mom23 — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:10:40 +0000

I think it is an important issue. We had an au pair who was seriously overweight and a closet junk food eater. I felt that her self esteem issues led her to make bad personal choices, some of which had an impact on our family.

I did not confront these issues head on, like perhaps I should have and it ended badly both for our au pair and for us.

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By: Taking a Computer Lunch

Taking a Computer Lunch — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 12:44:31 +0000

Yes, food does not disappear from the fridge or pantry, and she is obese (but then, so are DH and I, so I’m not going to chastise her for that!) So my guess is that she is consuming large amounts of junk food in her room. She had told me that she had wanted to learn to eat properly and lose weight, so when she initially took small portions, I wasn’t worried. However, she seems to be gaining weight (most of my APs have initially, and all either hit the gym or exercised on their own).

And yes, she was accustomed to eating a big meal in the middle of the day and a lighter supper. If my leftovers or other food was disappearing from the fridge, I wouldn’t worry. If she were asking for meat or other items to cook during the day, I wouldn’t worry. I do warn APs that I cook most of the meals and that they will represent a significant change from what they are accustomed to eating – because most days I cook high fiber vegan meals (my own problem is bread & margarine and red wine that accompanies them).

As for my children, I do usually talk to my APs about modeling good eating habits. I ask them to eat a proper lunch with my son on the days he is home from school. In my experience most young adults have no clue about proper nutrition, and we have to make it clear that the reason The Camel has to have a vegetable with every meal is that she has major health issues when she doesn’t eat enough fiber.

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By: JJ host mom

JJ host mom — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 18:03:36 +0000

I think it is her business, because this person is responsible for taking care of her children. We had an AP with a similar eating d/o and it led to her being not alert, and putting my son in danger. Now I specify in the handbook that I expect the AP to eat a healthy, balanced diet. Still doesn’t always happen but at least I communicate that it’s important.

TACL, if it were me, I’d say to her exactly what you’ve said here, and see how she responds.

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