Our first AP left us in the lurch after only 3 months because she never went out and just stayed home missing her boyfriend, until she became so homesick that she decided to go home. So I speak from experience when I say that your AP *needs* an active social life in order to be happy enough to get through the normal homesickness. She needs to “make a life” here in order to make it worthwhile to be away from the life she misses. Depending on what there is for young people to do in your area, that may be a lot more difficult for someone under 21.

(After our experience with our first AP, I would have said that an AP with a serious boyfriend is a definite no-no. However, our current AP — our best one yet — has a boyfriend, and it hasn’t turned out to be a problem at all. (I did ask about the boyfriend during the interview, but they happened to have broken up for a couple of months, and the interview happened to take place during that time.) Now I think that my advice would be to ask — as you have — whether the boyfriend is supportive of her APing, and also to ask her how she thinks she will manage the long-distance relationship. Our first AP’s boyfriend was very unsupportive — literally every time she’d talk to him, he’d tell her to come home, which certainly didn’t help ease her homesickness. Our current AP’s boyfriend is totally supportive and proud of our AP for going on this “adventure.” It also helps that now, as opposed to when we had our first AP, it’s so much easier to keep in touch via email, Skype, Facebook, etc., so the distance doesn’t seem so far.)

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common wisdom is that boyfriend at home is a minus, however I think it depends.

I haven’t had German au pairs so I cannot say anything about it.

You are absolutely right that with very young children education is not as significant as being a hard worker. It matters more for me and my own comfort and communication with the au pair. I speak though from a very unfortunate experience (that influenced me in this matter) – we had a rematch with an au pair who just turned out to be… dumb, I don’t like to say it, but that’s what it was, there was no way I could get through to her on simple things, and I gave it my best effort of 3 months. She couldn’t do her job satisfactorily because of it, she could not do what I asked. She graduated high school, but afterwards we realized she did it a year later than she should’ve.. we suspect a mild learning disability. Of course if spoke to her during matching for so long as you did with your candidates, for sure it would’ve come through a bit, so I think it is totally not a concern for you, but it made me a little prejudiced, at least for the next year’s match, while the memory of that mistake is still fresh.
With your candidate S., I am sure that being in a hospitality field, she had to be very organized, efficient, and able to follow directions, and work quickly – these are the qualities that in my mind being in college somewhat guarantees. So I think you are pretty safe on that matter.

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I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your input, you mentioned a few things that I hadn’t thought of. And yes, insurance is $300 less for the year. Not a make or break, but tips the scale a little as I go back and forth. What do you think about a boyfriend? Seems to be a bit of a no-no for some. She says he is supportive, and he has known that she wanted to do this since they met, but 19 and in love with a long distance relationship? I did that and my little heart couldn’t enjoy anything else! Thanks! I hope Germany isn’t on your never again!

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For me, being 21 or over is a big plus, because we had a 19 year old au pair, and she couldn’t go out with a group of au pairs much, because in their regular gathering place ( an irish pub/diner, a student hangout) alcohol was served and she couldn’t get in. So being underage for drinking could limit their social options a lot.

I don’t think J has any advantage over S in watching 3 kids, because 3-4 hours very occasionally is really not much, so I would scratch that from my list of plusses and minuses.

The only minus (for me) that I see in S, is that she is not in college or wants to go that way (or maybe she does?). I like girls who have ambition in life and for them au pairing will open better job and career choices; I don’t want au pairing to be the highlight of their life. That’s why “open to extending” is really not a consideration for me, neither a plus nor a minus. But here I am talking about myself, you might have different priorities.

However, with the information you gave, I would lean towards S. At this age 2 years is a big difference, she might really know better what she wants, and have more realistic expectations of a difficult job ahead. She also has more driving experience and your insurance might be cheaper. Also, not being the youngest kid is a plus. You say both have extensive experience, but helping raise siblings is a more intensive and everyday experience.

Are they from the same country? Because for me, after certain good and bad experiences, some country preferences and “never agains” have formed.

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I’m down to 2 candidates now.
They both totally click with us, with the kids, we’ve done Skype and talked to them both on the phone several times. They have not asked “what’s in it for them”. Both are so warm and loving and both have extensive child care experience with kids my age. Both have excellent English and a teaching heart. Both of them know the extensive list of duties, laundry, cleaning, organizing, planning that I want them to do for the kids and they both think it sounds great. Both are happy to let the in laws use their room when they visit from across the country, even though they don’t have to.

Qualities that are different:
“S” is 21 years old, “J” is 19 years old. S has never watched 3 children at once and I will be having a baby in Dec + I have 2 girls (2 & 4). J has watched 3 children but only for 4 hrs at a time. Both are very confident that they can do it, they both know it won’t be easy, but they both really want to do it. S has been working as an apprentice in a hotel for 3 years. Long, crappy hours, graveyard shift, etc. (my opinion not hers), J has been going to school full time for business. J seems more educated but S seems more hard working. Not too say that the other seems undeucated or lazy, at all. J has a boyfriend, S does not. J is the youngest of 2 kids-she has a sister 10 years older. S is the 3rd youngest (there is only a year each between the first 3) of 4 kids, with a brother 10 years younger, she’s had a lot of responsibility for his care from the beginning. J has wanted to be an Au Pair since she was 16, S found it on the internet a few years ago. S is open to extending, J is not really. S has been driving 3 years to J’s 2 years. S has her own car, J does not. Both only drive a stick and will need to learn an automatic.

What would I change about them? S would have had experience watching 3 kids so when she says she is up for the challenge, she knows what that challenge is. J would have more work experience, working for a boss more. Although J has watched three kids, I’m not sure 3-4 hrs here and there, make up for the lack of work experience. The interesting thing, many of the girls that I have contacted who have watched 3 kids aren’t really open to having a 3 month old, 2.5 year old, and 5 year old. These two both really want to.

I’m not posing any of these things specifically as a negative, because like I say, I love them both. They will both be great Au Pairs. I guess I’m leaning a bit toward S because 2 years older and a lot of hard work experience probably means that she can and is willing to learn to make up the difference of not watching 3 kids. She really wants to do it. But J has an energy about her that I really love too. I’ve spent enough time talking with both of these girls that I am a little attached to them both. I’ve reviewed about 100 applications and interviewed around 10 girls. I’m not in a time crunch, I need someone in August, but I’m worried to let either of these go because I’d like them both.

Anyway, maybe something I’ve said is a red flag or a positive or a negative to you that I don’t know about. I really really appreciate you letting me open up about this and to listen to input. I think the pros and cons list might be in order. It’s just that I don’t know if things are necessarily a pro and con when they both have the things that are important to us.

Please please give some feed back! Thank you!
Jenny

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Casey, honestly, the fact that you are from Australia and speak English as your first language will help you stand out to a lot of families. (As opposed to being a negative.) In terms of the driving, is there any kind of “safe driving” course offered in your area? If you took a class like that, that’s something you could mention in your “Dear HF” letter that might help parents feel more comfortable with your driving skills. Also, I’m not sure what kind of childcare experience you have, but if any of it includes driving children to school or activities or whatever, that could be something you emphasize in your letter (and perhaps ask your references to mention). The fact that other parents trust you to drive their children will help increase the comfort level of potential host families. In addition, there are some host families that don’t need (or even allow) their AP to drive their children places, so the driving would be a non-issue for them. In terms of your religious views, I don’t think you should hide OR emphasize them — basically, be honest on your application and in your responses to any questions in interviews, but if you don’t feel like your religious views are a significant part of “who you are,” you probably don’t need to mention them in your letter, for example. (If they ARE an important part of “who you are,” then you should mention them — any family who would reject your application because of your religious views is not a family you’d feel comfortable with anyway!)

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the fact that your english is already flawless is certainly a plus. do you have a hobby (sports, play instrument etc) that could find a potential match in the kids’ interests? where does your childcare experience stem from (eg tutoring)? that can also be a highlight in your application.

make sure you have a nice picture (one that also appeals to kids), submit a clean application with no typos, and have a set of questions you want to ask the families.

there is never a guarantee that you will have a perfect match. but if you ask enough questions, talk to the former AP if there is one, talk to all family members, and don’t pressure yourself to make a decision, then you should be happy with your decision.

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1st: I will be 18 in Feb 2010, how can I assure my potential families that I’m not like most typical young women and will not drink like a fish and go out partying all the time? I understand parents are reluctant to want someone that hasn’t been on the roads very long, how can I assure parents that I am a really safe, good driver?

2nd: I don’t speak any other languages and there isn’t a huge culture difference between Australians and Americans, do you have any ideas to how I can stand out?

3rd: I am not heavily religious but I have some Buddhist values and am Christian orientated, is this something I should be really open about or better to not talk about religious beliefs within the first stages of interviews?

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

Casey.

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