When it’s the host parent herself or himself who is making the au pair’s job difficult, she knows exactly what to do — bring the issue up with that host parent, and come to a resolution.
But what if the person causing the problems isn’t the host parent, but the host parent’s “friend”? The au pair/ caregiver has no explicit agreement with this person for who is in charge and what the arrangement should be. And, the caregiver has no authority over this person to have him or her adjust any behavior that gets in the way of the children’s welfare.
In this situation, the problem is made worse by the fact that the boyfriend isn’t keeping his promises about finding a job. Likely there is some conflict brewing between him and the host mom. What to do?
Hello, Host Parents– I am asking for some general advice and not sure who else to turn to.
I am currently a nanny, not au pair (but we all experience similar problems!). I think that you might have some advice that might work for a nanny or an au pair.
I’ve been working for this family since October. Until mid-Feb., everything has been great. No complaints, the mother, baby and I got along perfectly. The family consisted of my boss, a single mother and my (now) 18-month-old charge.
I’ve been working 8-6 M-F. Nap times have changed since the beginning, but since December, the baby has been sleeping regularly from 11/1130-2, daily.
All that is fine. Here’s the problem though: As of mid-Feb, the mother’s boyfriend has moved in.
I was told at first that he would be here for 2-3 weeks, maximum. It is now the 4th week. I was also told he would be “out” most of the day finding a job. This is where the issue has begun.
He has been here 4 weeks and has no advancement in his job search. He is home most of the day.
He “over disciplines” me. If I tell the baby one thing, he says it back to him again. This is making me think the baby is going to lose his respect for me.
Also, the baby is not the best sleeper and needs the apartment to be very quiet when he is sleeping (and it’s an apartment with terrible insulation, so every noise is heard). During the baby’s nap, the boyfriend slams doors, talks on the phone/skype, watches television, cooks extremely loud. And consequently, the baby is taking very short naps.
It’s frustrating to me because this is my only break time and it’s been cut to 30-40 min a day. The baby wakes up angry and is in a bad mood for the rest of the day. It’s exhausting and each day I am physically exhausted.
I’m not sure what to do. Do I talk to the mother? Do I talk to her boyfriend? I can’t deal with him being around for anymore time! I’d love any advice– NK